Threat levels

[Archae]

Saw this at another message board:

Global Terror Levels

As many are aware, the French government recently announced a raise in its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The normal level is "General
Arrogance", and the only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and
"Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed
France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military
capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert: Italy has
increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate
military posturing". Two more levels remain, "Ineffective combat operations"
and "Change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdain" to "Dress in
uniform and sing marching songs". They have two higher levels: "Invade a
neighbour" and "Lose".

Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from
"Isolationism" to "Find another oil-rich nation for regime change". Their
remaining higher alert states are "Attack random countries (ideally those
without any credible military)" and "Beg the British for help".

The British are also feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and
have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon though,
security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit
Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the Blitz in 1940 when
tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
"Tiresome" to "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody
Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1666.

The Australians thought about doing something but have decided that their
security level of "She'll be right mate" is enough.