Mi Roommate Loca: The Saga Continues

[intheflow]

Just have to get this down in the only diary form I keep. My roommate continues her abuse. (See parts 1, 2, and 3 for back story.)

Today Roommate comes home tonight and accuses me of throwing her shower sponge on the bathroom floor out of spite. In truth, she tucks it into the hand towel rack and it may have fallen on the floor unnoticed by me when I dried my hands after using the toilet. This is from the woman who still hasn't cleaned up the blood in the bathroom from when she cut herself picking up the heavy glass vase she threw at me; the woman who hasn't put her dishes in the dishwasher for a week; who has a piles of laundry in both the rooms she inhabits and also next to the washer in the very small back hall way. Then she accuses my dog of taking her dog's bone, when our house and yard are filled with half-chewed dog bones and the dogs regularly switch them off. The way she accuses me is like I've somehow taught my dog how to be spiteful to her dog. Meanwhile, her dog ate a pound of ground buffalo I was thawing on the back of a kitchen counter when I went to church this morning. :grr: Of course I don't tell her this because I find it best not to engage her unless I can't avoid it--no doubt she's accuse me of planting it there out of spite to her. :eyes:

What I've been doing pretty much ever since my friend left is retreating to my bedroom whenever Roommate is home. There I put my ear buds in and listen to tune while surfing DU. I did the same thing tonight. All of a sudden someone starts banging on the door. Like really pounding. The house is shaking. Not like a police knock, this is relentless and angry. I go out to find out what's going on, open the door and it's roommate, screaming "I made sure I unlocked this door when I left!" I had *no idea* that she had even left, so told her I hadn't left my room since she'd been home. (You'll recall that she locked me out of the house the night of our first fight. Project much?) Then she started raving about the temperature I keep the house--having flipped out earlier this week because I had the house at 68 while I was home. That time she told me she wouldn't pay more than $100 in utilities, ever! This from the woman who takes hour-long showers every day, twice a day if she has a date; who's always doing laundry, yet still has piles and piles of laundry everywhere (which says to me that she's doing a lot of washes with just a few clothes, her work clothes, probably, as she refuses to wash them with her other clothes even though she's a waitress and her "uniform" is jeans an a dark shirt). Anyway, I'm kind of scared right now, because she was as angry tonight as she was when she threw the vase at me. I also suspect she's run into some problem at work because she was working 40-50 hours a week, but she's down to about 20 this week. I know she's missed two days of work in the past couple weeks because she's been out partying too late and can't get up for her morning shift.

So where's the landlord on this? Landlord has finally agreed that she will terminate Katie's lease, that is, not give her the option to renew when it ends at the end of the year. She'll tell her this next week when she collects December's rent money. Landlord is also very worried about telling roommate because there's no way to tell how volatile Roommate will get when she hears this, or how any vindictiveness will play out. I've been looking for a new roommate already with Landlord's blessing. But I can't show the place at this point because the room folks would be renting is disgustingly dirty, as is what used to be our tv room but which is now her sloth cave. Landlord is consulting with her father, a retired cop and current landlord himself. I'm hoping he tells her to toss Roommate out on the sidewalk under police supervision, but I doubt that's going to happen. :(

I've been talking to a minister friend who thinks it sounds like Roommate is off her meds, and really, I think there might be something to that. (Although I still am sure there's an element of THC psychosis due to the amounts of kick-ass weed she smokes.) She was a pretty nice roommate the first three/four months I lived here, and then wigged out pretty suddenly. I know she's been on some kind of anti-depressant, though I could swear she said she was on some heavier med--but I might be imagining that based on how crazy she's been. My minister friend suggested I contact her family to find out her medical history, but I'm kind of scared to do that. What if her tells her? How infuriated will she get with me then? :scared: So I'm thinking of calling around to churches in the town she grew up in to see if I can find the family minister; I know her mother is pretty devout, and there are only a few churches of her denomination in her hometown. And then get another minister's opinion on the family dynamics. He'll probably talk to me since I've been a minister myself. I mean, if she's really off her meds her family should know that, right? That's in her best interests as well as mine, right?

What do you all think of that plan? Any other suggestions? Just please don't suggest I leave right this instant--I literally have nowhere to go and no money for a hotel, plus I have my dog.

:grouphug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

1. itf

save yourself. focus all your energy on yourself. quit thinking and worrying about her. Please.

[intheflow]

4. Yeah, that's the problem with being a nice person.

:( My empathy levels have always been off the scale. Thank you, thank you for your continued support, TA. I value you continued concern for me--and your obvious compassion for others. I know I will survive this, but you lighten my heart with your care. :hug:


On the upside, I think I've found another roommate. A young adult who's entering the University of Denver's graduate program in international studies in January. He spends his off time volunteering, teaching ecology and conservation to high school gang members and recently paroled youth, kind of like an Outward Bound program for at risk kids. Initial conversations indicate he's smart and solidly progressive, two things Roommate is not. I have a grad degree in peace studies so I feel pretty confident we share some basic values about education and service to humanity. I just hope my landlord likes him, to.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

10. that is good to hear --

:hug:

[Madrone]

2. I'm of no help---

All I can say is.... :hug:

What you're describing is testament to why I ADORE living alone. I've had terrible luck in the roommate department - almost all of them have been atrocious.

[intheflow]

6. thanks, Madrone.

I adore living alone, too, but it's just not economically feasible for me at this time. But I've lived in volunteer camps for long periods of time with 100's of strangers and never had a problem getting along with anyone. The only person who came close to this kind behavior was my ex--and that was only when he was blindingly drunk. (Bad enough, but still, easier to predict and take cover than living with this chick who flies off, who knows why?

But I'm very hopeful I'll find a good new roommate. I am, if nothing else, optimistic that most people are good. :)

[Droopy]

3. I'm a compassionate person, itf

But I would not do anything until she is no longer a resident in your place. Then I might contact a family member of her's and tell them your concerns about her mental health. Might.

When I was younger I had to do the roommate deal as well and I had a couple of crappy roommates. One of them lived with me in a trailer that I owned. I knew he smoked weed, but that didn't bother me too much. He had a good job and could easily afford the rent even with a marijuana habit. Well, about 3 months into him living there he unveiled a cocaine habit. He promptly missed two months of rent and I kicked him out. Like your friend he had become out of control. I knew he had somewhere to go and that helped me make the decision to kick him out, but I think I would have done the same thing even if he would have had to take up residence in his car.

If I ever have to have a roommate again, I'm going to pick a straight-edge nerd. I will never split a place again with someone who uses drugs or drinks too much.

[Whoa_Nelly]

5. She is not your problem to solve

have read all your posts, and know that you're in a bad spot at the moment.

And, the landlord has no business playing Dr. Phil between you two so you can "make nice".

But, getting into your roomie's med history, looking up her minister, etc., is not the way to go.

Get a video cam and record her, her mess, her behavior. Show the landlord. Tell said landord that you know she favors the roomie over you, and that this is an untenable situation, and you want out without penalty.

Mostly...why are you still there, sweet inf? You need to leave before you have to call EMT help for yourself because she hurts you.

I am keeping up, and really wish I had better advice.

But, best advice...it's not up to you to solve her problems or involve yourself that deeply into her life.

Hopefully, all this can be behind you very soon. :hug: :grouphug: :hug:

on edit: read about the new possible roomie in January. Hope that works out for you!

[intheflow]

8. Thanks, Nelly.

I don't think the landlord favors roommate over me. But I do think she's concerned about losing rent money and now is also kinda scared of my roommate too. She definitely wants roommate out, though. She knows my work history, and all my references are ministers who adore me and have known me for years if not decades. I'm sure roommate could not come up with enough reputable references to rent a cardboard box. Landlord knows who the stable tenant is.

I have taken photos of the damage she's done, that's the best I can do for the moment since I have no access to a video camera. Plus I'd have to leave the camera on all the time because she's so unpredictable. Mostly she just been ignoring me this last week. Then tonight--a complete WTF flip out for no reason, just anger and spite boiling up in her like bile.

I'm still here b/c I can't get out of my lease, I can't afford first/last/security some place else while paying my rent here. And now my transmission has gone, so I'm really just scrambling to find $1500 to buy a used car (tranny fix is $2500/mo.). I only bring home $1000/mo. as it is. :(

:hug:

[harmonicon]

7. doesn't sound like the best plan to me

It seems like you should be even less involved in this person's life. Whatever you might find out about why she is the way she is won't do anything to help her change that. Only she can do that.

Really, this situation is disturbingly similar to where I found myself once... though I was going to move anyway, so I didn't talk to the landlord. I did feel very bad for the person who moved in after me - I heard that she'd moved out after two months there though.

It looks like your landlord is doing the right thing. Just hope that the room mate moves out. Depending on what eviction laws are like in your state, she could refuse to move, and it could take months to get her out of the house (all the while, without her paying rent).

[intheflow]

9. I think she can't just stay if her lease is up.

It's not an eviction if the lease is up. Then the cops can be brought in, and since there's a history of roommate having the cops called on her, I think they could forcibly evict her. Colorado seems to have pretty draconian rental laws that heavily favor the landlords. I don't know, though. I'll have to check into that.

But the overall opinion here seems to be to avoid getting involved with her life as I would avoid a rabid raccoon. That certainly has much more appeal to me than doing an intervention. (Ironically, that's Roommate's favorite tv show. :eyes:)

Thanks for the post, harmonicon. :hug:

[harmonicon]

11. I can't believe you haven't left yet

You're a real trooper. It makes my roommate problems seem almost non existent (though I wasn't happy getting a text message tonight asking me to "keep it down", when what was causing the noise was opening and then locking the door after stepping out to buy cigarettes).

[intheflow]

12. Oh, I can tell, you're outta control, harmonicon!

:silly:

WTF is wrong with people that they have to be so touchy about everything? Well, I hope you can at least smoke indoors so you won't have to disturb his delicate ears any more tonight. (As long as you don't exhale too loudly. :eyes:)

[EFerrari]

13. You both need to know exactly what to do if she gets violent.

That's the most important thing.

She sounds paranoid and people like that don't take very well to change.

Have a plan to be safe. :hug:

[intheflow]

19. Thanks, sf.

I have a call into a friend of a friend who's a Denver judge, hopefully he'll be able to give me some advice. Aside from that, my only plan is 9-1-1 on speed dial. :hug:

[EFerrari]

24. It might not hurt to keep a set of keys, a leash, and some cash

stashed somewhere outside of the house.

I had an "emergency kit" like that in my car for years because when Doug decomped, sometimes he went for my purse. That way, I always had some choices no matter what happened. And, knowing the stuff was there for me made me feel calmer, too.

[intheflow]

28. That's a great idea!

I always keep a leash in my car, but I could plant another set of keys in the rock garden out front and keep some cash on hand in my office. Thanks, sf! :hug:

[Lil Missy]

14. Oh man, can you stay somewhere else temporarily till her lease runs out?

I wouldn't investigate her medical history, or family or religious background. That could open a bigger can of worms. You don't need to worry about her best interests, but only your own.

I know you said you have no other place to go, but I think you must have SOMe legal recourse to get out of this crazy situation.

If you lived closer to me, I'd take you and your dog in a heartbeat.

Wish I could do more. x(

[intheflow]

16. Sadly, I don't have any place to go or any legal recourse.

I only have 2 friends in the area, and I'm not that close to either of them. The one I'm closest to lives in a building that won't allow dogs, and the other one is my ex-boss and her family, I think that would feel pretty awkward. I'm taking off for a week at Thanksgiving to visit a friend in NM, only a week until then.

Thanks for the offer of shelter, however impractical the commute is. :hug:

[intheflow]

17. self-delete

computer burped and double posted.

[blueraven95]

15. geez...

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Hang in there, it's going to get better!

[intheflow]

21. Thanks, BR.

:hug:

[Maine-ah]

18. I've been keeping up with the saga...she sounds completely insane

but, I do have to say, as a waitress, I don't wash my work clothes with any other clothes in the house. The reason is because they get covered in so much crap, cleaning chemicals, food, grease ect... but I use the small load wash. Anyway, that might at least explain to you why she does that. :hi:

[intheflow]

20. Thanks for letting me know about the clothes.

I've never worked in food services, and have never noticed wait staff covered in muck, but then, I haven't been looking for it, either.

[Maine-ah]

23. meh, in most places the lights are down so low that you don't notice it

my uniform is all black, so unless it's something light colored, like whipped cream, you won't notice it. :hi:

[rcrush]

22. Did you say weed is what makes her crazy?

That doesnt sound right? That shouldnt drive someone batshit.

[EFerrari]

25. If you have a tendency to paranoia, it can put you over the edge.

A lot of people deal with low grade paranoia and nobody ever knows about it because they manage it quietly. Weed, especially good weed, can really aggravate that and make the person unable to self-correct.

[intheflow]

30. Check your PM.

:hi:

[sasquatch]

26. First of all that's "Mi el compenzaro de cuarto es loco"

:P
Second: what else is new?
:rofl:

[intheflow]

29. Thanks for the correction!

As you can tell, my Spanish language skills are pretty much limited to "Si, se puede" and a Ricky Martin ear bug of "Mi vida loca."
:rofl:

[VaYallaDawg]

27. An earlier poster gave you some excellent advice::

This person sounds very much like she's paranoid. Combine that with her history of violence, and you've got some very, very explosive potential there. Be sure you can get some help of some kind on a moment's notice - law enforcement, muscle, whatever!! Be very careful of this woman.

[trueblue2007]

31. call the COPS.....let them deal with it. When she flips, they will jail her.

[kick-ass-bob]

32. Piss in her shower sponge

and put it back nicely.


seriously though - be very careful with her. Can anyone stay with you? Outnumber her if possible.

[intheflow]

33. Hmmm.

That's an interesting suggestion, seeing if someone can stay with me. I had a friend visit for about a week, and Roommate was mean to her, but it was much better with the two of us in the house. I don't have many friends in the area, but maybe I can ask to see if they'd be willing to stay with me, even just one night a week. Thanks, k-a-b.