Goddamn it. I'm so fucking tired of being jerked around.

[Lucian]

So this girl asked me out last week, and I got my hopes up. So today, when I was going to make plans with her for tomorrow night, she changed her facebook profile to being "single" to being "in a relationship". Now, when I asked her out last night, she could have told me she was in a fucking relationship before I made a complete fucking ass out of myself. She even wrote on my wall today if I wanted to go out with her next week! What the hell??? That's not going to happen.

I'm done with this shit. I'm so fucking pissed and upset right now...I need a drink.

[mcctatas]

1. Maybe she considers you the relationship?

and if that is the case, run away quickly!


*edit to add because she is moving too fast

[Lucian]

2. Yeah, somehow, I don't think so.

[Skittles]

3. ???

are you sure it's not to fend off guys? When I was in the military I wore a ring on my ring finger even though I was not married.

[Lucian]

4. I don't know and I don't care.

I'm done.

[rockymountaindem]

5. I think you should at least ask her about it

Maybe the answer will surprise you.

[Skittles]

6. it's weird but

a lot of young folk seem to use their hundred ways of communication in only superficial ways. I agree: TALK TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!

[rockymountaindem]

8. I'm one of those young folk myself

But I'm speaking from experience on this one. One time I got the feeling that a nice girl I'd had coffee with wasn't being honest with me. So after thinking it through about 20 different ways, I thought I'd just give her a call. Turns out she wasn't being honest with me at all. But, I got her to admit it and I wasn't wondering anymore. That made me feel better.

[Lucian]

7. I'm not going to.

She's the same girl who jerked me around a month ago. Fuck it.

[kerry-is-my-prez]

41. well yeah - if she jerked you around before then screw it.

n/t

[HEyHEY]

14. That's the spirit!

Don't take that shit.

[HEyHEY]

9. I fucking TOLD you man....

FUCK HER... I mean like ignore her... not sleep with her. See dude, what I would do now is forge a friendship with her and start nailing her friends.

[Lucian]

10. I should've listened to you to begin with.

Goddamn it.

[HEyHEY]

13. I revised my post

Stay friends with her... she has friends... and if you're cordial about this, she'll hook you up with said friends.

[Lucian]

23. I don't even want to fucking see her anymore.

I'm not going to be friends with someone like that.

[HEyHEY]

24. I don't think you need to hate her.... so she's flighty, big deal.

Good thing you know now. Shit, if you think this is frustrating imagine being a relationship with her. Thank god you got out now and get to a party with her and her friends.

[orleans]

36. now THAT is wicked

(in a deviously wicked sort of way)

[Ava]

11. as someone who has changed their facebook status before to get pervs to leave me alone

i'd say you should at least ask her about it... either that or move on

[HEyHEY]

15. You coulda just asked nicely

:-(

[Ava]

17. HA!

:rofl:

actually i removed that part of my facebook profile not too long ago. i use facebook for connecting with friends and networking.. but i don't like the idea of my social life(or lack thereof :rofl:) being broadcast over the series of tubes :P

[HEyHEY]

19. I got rid of the pic things, that's all

As a semi-public figure the last thing I need is people seeing countless pics of me totally hammered.

[Ava]

20. well, see i'm a goody-two-shoes who doesn't get hammered

hence my lack of a social life :P

[Danger Mouse]

12. Dude, your luck with women seems to be almost as bad as mine.

:hi: :hug:

[Lucian]

16. I'm always getting burned, jerked around, or whatever else.

I'm so fucking sick and tired of all this shit.

I'm convinced I'm God's hackey sack.

[HEyHEY]

18. No, you're not... how old are you?

[Lucian]

21. 26

[HEyHEY]

22. Time to develop a real mean spirited approach, here's why

You're no longer up against "girls" buddy, you're up against "Women" and there's a total difference. Now, at your age people are much harder and jaded, so they don't take other's feelings into consideration as easily (Until they're in a more long-term relationship) People will date for a couple weeks then never call, all sorts of shit.

That's how it's going to be, so you gotta go into every situation very cautiously and always be expecting it to fail, but still try your best. JUST MAKE SURE, you aren't too emotionally invested until you KNOW for sure the other person feels the same way. And ALWAYS have a couple things on the go.

[Lucian]

25. I'm just going to be mean-spirited to everyone now.

It's not even worth being nice to people. No one cares about anything. No one cares how anyone else feels. Fuck it. If they don't care, why the hell should I?

[HEyHEY]

26. Exactly! Your niceness needs to be earned, man.

I mean always be friendly, but not a chump. You'll be fine.

[Lucian]

27. I'm not even going to be friendly anymore.

Fuck everyone. The human race sucks.

[HEyHEY]

28. It's not in you nature and you know that won't happen.

So, when you snap out of being pissed, and you will, just remember these lessons!

[Lucian]

29. It'll take me a long time to snap out of being pissed.

I'm going to stop fucking looking for an SO. If a girl wants to date me, she can come up to me (like that'll happen :eyes:). And she better not be in a fucking relationship when she does ask me out.

You're wise. I will remember these lessons.

[HEyHEY]

30. Not wise, just had my heart shit on before. And guess what?

I found another, that didn't work out, and I found another, but everytime I remembered that the most important person at the begining of a relationship is yourself.

[Lucian]

31. It just gets so frustrating...

seeing all these happy couples walking around everywhere and seeing all my old friends off and getting married. Why do a lot of people get to be so happy and I have to be so fucking miserable?

[HEyHEY]

32. Hey man, I'm almost 30 and I'm all alone - suck it up.

The stench of desperation can be smelled a long way off (not a turn on for the lasses) and it makes you do stupid things and makes you get hurt easier.

[amitten]

33. Um, she probably KNOWS you can look at her page any time.

So she knows you would see what she posted, so it's not like she's hiding some big secret.

She posted that she's in a relationship for a reason, and you need to ASK HER what that reason is.

She's most likely trying to get certain people to stop hitting on her. Sometimes the only way to get people off your back is to lie and say "I'm seeing someone".

On edit: Reading Facebook is not a substitute for an actual conversation. People post all kinds of crazy crap--it's not real life. In real life, she asked you out.

[Lucian]

37. Oh c'mon...

her friends were talking about it on her profile.

[amitten]

48. Well, you didn't put that in your original post.

But seriously, isn't it kind of puss not to at least ask her about it?

Are you guys adults or children?

[redqueen]

50. "up against"?

Jesus... I'm so glad I've decided to just be celibate for life.

[HEyHEY]

55. What?

SO it's a bit of a strong term, I can be cavalier in how I explain things :-)

[Iggo]

53. Heheheh...

You said "up against women."

Sha-boing!

[orleans]

34. make a cup of hot cocoa and call it a night.

chocolate will make you feel better, warm will be soothing.

oh, and maybe the "relationship" she is referring to is YOU?

[Lucian]

35. How could it be me when we've never had more than small talk?

:shrug:

Edited to add and bouts of flirting...

[Heidi]

38. You seem like a good guy, and I hate to see you hurt and angry like this.

For someone with whom you've never had more than small talk, you're giving this woman far too much power to make you hurt and angry. Could you consider this episode a lesson learned about investing too much hope and expectation in the promise of a date, and move on to giving some other women a chance to enjoy your company? :hug: :hug:

[orleans]

39. you know--i don't know--maybe because you talked about going out

and so she is discouraging others for the time being.

i really think cocoa is in order tonight.

and a phone call tomorrow--come out and ask her if she is seeing someone--be up front about it--tell her you saw on her facebook she was in a relationship and you are not going to get in the middle of anything she has going on with someone else.

really. pick up the phone tomorrow. listen to her voice--you can hear all sorts of things on the phone that you can't hear when posting on facebook (or here for that matter)

[kerry-is-my-prez]

40. ask her about it - if she's really in a relationship - to be fair to her.

maybe someone's stalking her and that's why she did it. There could be a good explanation.

Don't allow yourself to get upset by people you haven't even started to date yet. They shouldn't be that important to you. If you're dating them for a while and they pull stuff then yes - it's ok to get upset. Just have the attitude that there's plenty of fish in the sea. Look a them as "friends" and keep it casual until it turns into a relationship.

If the person is a jerk - just blow them off and don't think or worry about it.


I admit that I used to be a flake early in my dating life (two dates in one night, losing interest in them after one date, etc.) but when I met the right guy - that all went out the window.

I'd try to meet people by doing activities and become friends with them first. The best relationships always start out as friends. Join a club or something where there are are women. I used to meet a lot of people doing volunteer work and political work.

[kerry-is-my-prez]

42. Do NOT date women under 25 - they are flakely. I was a big flake until I turned 25-26.

and most women I know are the same way.

Men can be just as big assholes. My friends and I used to get stood up all the time. I hate to say - but it's all part of the game. You just have to have the attitude of "next". Take a break from dating for a while and then start up when you're ready.

It's really just that age group. A lot of people are just not ready for anything steady until they're 25, 26, 27.

[HEyHEY]

57. my buddy has a rule that he won't date anyone under 26

[old mark]

43. Don't stay mad - talk to her, see what is going on.

This sounds like an old "Lucy" episode, where no one is talking to the right person.

See what is really going on, go from there.

Take it easy.
mark

[Fran Kubelik]

44. excellent post

I heartily agree.

[EstimatedProphet]

45. Man, you sound like I used to sound

Especially the talking about happy couples walking around stuff...

I've been there. You WILL NOT find anyone in the state you're in right now. Know why? If you were her, would you date you, getting pissed off about someone to the point that you say you never want to talk to her again, bcause she changed her status on Facebook?

All you had with her in your own words is small talk. So, if you just start looking for other people, you haven't lost anything, have you? So don't sweat it. Live your life.

The biggest mistake I always made is exactly the same one you're making right now: you get wrapped up in seeing other people in relationships - maybe even everyone you know - and you start to evaluate yourself as a failure because you aren't in a relationship. And when you see yourself as a failure at relationships, you quit paying attention to the openings that are going on around you (and they are going on around you, make no mistake), like the girl on the bus who glances at you and then looks away, or the cashier at the store that's a little more talkative than most.

If you're putting all your eggs in the relationship basket, then each time you have an interaction with someone it becomes an interview for the job of significant partner. Then when it doesn't turn into that relationship, you look at yourself as a failure again. Break that cycle. You cannot and will not find anyone worthwhile for yourself if you don't believe that you are worth having anyone around you. Accept yourself as you, and the rest will come.

Relax. Go have coffee with this girl. Talk to her. Ask her about Facebook while you're at it. Find out who she is first before you write her off, so that you know whether to write her off. Be you as you, not you as the person interviewing for prospective partner. You won't be out anything at this level, but you won't succeed if you try to force a relationship.

[fudge stripe cookays]

59. Brilliant!

I echo this from the womens' perspective.

Be yourself, live your life, and don't worry about everybody else. It happens when you're least expecting it. And don't invest tons of yourself in every date. Just do it for fun. Something might happen-- something might not. No sweat.

I had the worst luck ever. And eventually, I found someone too. I was 32 when he finally showed up. It took him long enough, but all the circumstances had to be right before we could meet. Perhaps they are not right for you right now. Just live your life, it will happen. Whether you're looking for it or not.

[mwooldri]

46. I am not the best person for relationship advice.

I was the school geek, complete with the looks. Had about 6 girls on at secondary school I had heavy duty crushes on and all totally unrequited. Crushes on about 4 more at sixth-form college, though one of them (along with someone else who I liked but no crush) changed my faith, and whilst her love in the romantic sense was totally unrequited it as returned in a different fashion and did change my life for the better. Completely useless at relationships at university, one night I remember making a complete fool of myself. Spent 3 years there, got into "difficulties" and flunked Year 3. Somehow managed to get back in to repeat said Year 3 but again flunked said same year. So there I was, 23, single, virgin, never had a real date with a girl before, and flunked out of uni. No degree, no job, no prospects. So what did I do? I hit the Internet. For fun. I found what we would now call an online dating site, though it was described as an email penpal exchange initially, sorry can't remember the name and I think the site closed several years ago. I saw a profile for a military brat, tattooed, tongue-ringed wildchild that just didn't fit that image. Out of pure fun and curiosity I emailed her. That was in March 1997, I think. A long email came back in a day or two, and I replied with an even longer one. Soon we were writing novels to each other every day. This then led to actual letters, then phone calls, then parcels, and then a commitment to meet each other. The only problem was the Atlantic Ocean. We met properly on Jan 2nd, 1998. I had already fallen for her way before I saw her in person, but seeing her I knew - she was it. A few days later, I proposed, she accepted. But I didn't have a proper ring. So I tried again in May when I came to the States for the first time. She still accepted. We had two more visits after that and then on March 20th, 1999 we got married. We're still married, we have one son, and 2009 will be our 10th anniversary year.

I had hit a low point in my life before I "met" my now wife. I did not have plans in my life in 1997 to find a person in America and marry her - far from it. My dream 4 years before that was to go work for the BBC in the Engineering department. Alas that never was to be, and alas, BBC Engineering as it is now is outsourced and privatized. At that point in 1997 it was "get a job" time and figure out what was happening. A relationship was not #1 on my list. It just happened.

So my advice, take it with a pinch of salt, and it's this: look for happiness in what you do and what you can control. If you're a person of faith, maybe throw yourself into that. If you have a passion in life for something, throw yourself into that. If you have no passion right now start exploring stuff. Figure out what you might like to try and do. Occupy yourself with that and build yourself up into the great person that you are. And then if you do start looking please be casual about it. Expect setbacks. Don't expect a (younger) Pam Anderson lookalike to worship the ground you walk on and want to cling to you in every aspect. Expect to be jerked around like you have just been. If there is a connection there, it will connect and if it is meant to be, it will be.

I'm sorry you're going through this hurt. It bloody well hurts when you have a longing and affection for a particular individual and it comes back totally unrequited. And yes it can drive you to drink and insanity and madness. As the song goes "love the one you're with". If you're with no-one, make that "love what you're with" and also learn to love yourself.

Hang in there. Just remember these two Monty Python catchphrases and it will get you through life: "Never expect the Spanish Inquisition!" and "Always look on the bright side of life". (plus in the Always Look on the Bright Side of Life song there's the line "Life's a piece of shit, when you think of it..." )

Ok time to split. Sorry if I've made things worse.

Mark.

[Deep13]

47. So, did she break the date or not.

I don't understand what an internet website has to do with this.

[RoyGBiv]

49. Wow ...

Naturally before launching into full fury, you asked her why she changed her status to "in a relationship," I assume.

[LostinVA]

51. First you say she asked you out, then you say YOU asked her out

Which is it?

And, women change their online prifiles to "in a relationship" ALL the time. There are many, many cyber stalkers out there.

[RoyGBiv]

56. That's what I was getting at ...

... with my comment just before this one.

My daughter has been "in a relationship" perpetually whether she is or not. It doesn't stop the idiots, but it seems to change their approach and the frequency of contact.

[redqueen]

52. I'm never dating again.

EVER.

[HEyHEY]

58. It really is a waste of time

I'm married to the bottle!

[Iggo]

54. Chicks, man.

Chicks.

[crim son]

60. Women do that sometimes so they don't get hit on by

jerks or other solicitations. For all you know, some other guy has been hounding her and she's trying to get rid of him IOW don't panic yet.