Etiquette help needed regarding gift giving.

[siligut]

Simple as this. My brother has a daughter in her 20s. I usually just send cash for gifts now that she is older. This year I am visiting them for Xmas. My niece’s SO is going to be there. Do I give the SO cash? Do I give him anything? I don’t know him, I have never met him. I feel like I should just give him cash. However, I am not at all sure. What would you do?

[malta blue]

1. first thought I had was a scarf and sure enough it was in the poll.

:shrug:

[siligut]

8. Would matching scarves be too cutesy?

I could give my niece an additional gift of cash, but not be obvious.

[malta blue]

10. No matching scarves.

It has been my experience that most men tend to like black or grey scarves. Women do as well, but I don't think you need to go matching.

[siligut]

13. Thank you, I need some reining in sometimes.

I am beginning to feel positive about this, before I felt like I had a real dilemma.

[Lyric]

2. My family members all gave ThinkBlue1966 a small gift for the first Christmas

we were together, even though they didn't know her very well. She was extremely touched by the gesture, and has never forgotten it. If nothing else, think of it as a human kindness--from one person to another on a holiday--and if you can afford it, get him something small but useful. A small-but-useful gift like an iTunes gift card is a potential idea. There are $15 varieties, and the vast majority of people would be genuinely pleased by something like that.

:hi:

[LostinVA]

5. iTunes GC is a great idea -- or a Starbucks card

[siligut]

7. Thank you for including the kindness factor.

I really don’t want this kid to feel left out. Can I pretty much assume all kids use iTunes? They all live in Los Alamos, almost a country onto its own. My niece is smart and very up on all the gadgets, so maybe an iTunes card would be good for her too. They have them at Best Buy and there is one in Santa Fe, 30 minutes from Los Alamos.

[Connonym]

17. I think this would be a very nice (albeit not required) gesture

A gift certainly isn't required in this situation but if you wanted to make a graceful gesture I think a small gift such as this would be really nice. Personally I feel awkward not having at least a token gift for everyone (except my druggie brother).

[vard28]

3. Maybe some baked goodies?

How long has your niece been datin' this guy? See if there's anything your brother knows that he likes? I have had the same deal with my nieces' boyfriends, and usually something to eat works well for these "boys". :hi:

[siligut]

9. I think you are right and that is a very sweet idea.

Something to eat is always welcome to "boys" that age. I just don’t bake. Also, I will have to carry anything with me, as our hotel will not have a kitchen. Still a very good idea. I am so glad I asked you guys, I was sweating this.
:hi:

[LostinVA]

4. Are they engaged or anything?

If so, give them something together (restayrant GC, etc.). If not, give him a little something.

[siligut]

6. I don't know, that is a good thought!

Very good thinking, I will have to find out.

[pitohui]

11. i'm not sure why you would be obligated to give him anything

this is someone you don't know, at best, if i feel there will be awkwardness if i don't give someone i don't know a gift, they are going to get fudge or cookies or some such

cash is totally inappropriate for a stranger in a non tipping situation, if you have cash to give away, just give your niece a bigger gift, not the boyfriend!

[Rabrrrrrr]

12. Since you are visiting them, and since you don't know him, you don't have to get him anything.

And, really, once nieces and nephews get into their 20s, they don't need Christmas gifts any more.

Certainly, though, one is free to still give them gifts. There's never anything wrong with giving gifts.

But you really don't need to give him anything. If they were coming to your place, then it would be nice, as the host, to give him a gift.

So all this is to say: no, you have no 'obligation' etiquette-wise to give him anything. But if you wish to do so, you may.


I think what you should do, though, just to be a crank, is give him an envelope, and inside write a note that says "My gift to you this year is a warning: my niece has syphilis. So do all her still-living former boyfriends. Shhhhh.". Especially if you decide you don't like him. :P

[siligut]

14. OMG!

OMG! I can just imagine THAT! A nice little note explaining my sweet niece is diseased. Great idea. Are you still trying to get me back for turning you into an animal abuser?

Otherwise, I get your reasoning. Thank you.

[tjwmason]

15. No need to give her anything.

As you don't know her, as long as they're not engaged (or in a similar relationship) there's no obligation to give him anything.

[JVS]

16. Give the couple a bottle of Scotch