A question for married people or those in long term relationships...

[TZ]

How long have you gone without speaking with your SO after a fight? I'm curious about this because I heard about a couple I know going days without speaking and I was wondering how normal or abnormal this is....

[IndianaJones]

1. 4 or 5 days. nt.

[Deep13]

2. Sweetie and I don't fight.

I mean it.

[TZ]

11. wow.

I know people in good marriages and they fight..Pretty neat....

[semillama]

53. My wife and I don't fight either.

Sometimes we get a little snippy with each other but we never go to bed even slightly mad at each other. Of course, we've been married less than 2 years, and there's a kid on the way, so I'm sure there are some spats in our future.

[CBGLuthier]

3. 10 minutes maybe

You can't have a LTR if you act like a child.

23 years and counting BTW.

[madeline_con]

66. Yep. Can't go DAYS, that's just nutz! n/t

[MrCoffee]

4. MrsCoffee and I don't really fight

because I know she'd win and it's pointless.

[bigwillq]

5. It's currently three days.

:mad: :( :cry:

[moriah]

56. Dunno what you did (or what they did...)

.... but a piece of advice....

If you think you were the one that fucked up, don't choose to apologize for the smallest part of how you fucked up.

(My post below explains when I gave my ex the silent treatment for three days.... he'd said some really horrible things but as part of it referred to my "fat bitchy ass". He set off the fireworks by apologizing for calling me fat.)

That night he learned what a redhead's temper really was.

[bigwillq]

60. I think it was his fault.

He probably thinks it's mine. I did snap and get a little loud, and I swore, not directly at him, but I used a cuss word in one of my statements during my little rant. Oh well. We'll see what happens.

[madeline_con]

67. OMG. We never go there. Not physical stuff.

We just don't.

[moriah]

69. He was a jackass, and we're divorced now.

But the beginning of the fireworks was "I know I'm fat, I was fat when you married me, that's not the fucking point!"

And it wasn't. I didn't care about what he said about my body, it was everything else he had said, and he learned quickly that it wasn't the "fat" comment that had made me not speak to him for three days.

What made the fireworks go off was that he thought that was what I was pissed off about.

I've now been with a gentleman for over four years, and we have yet to actually fight. I'm very happy now.

[MorningGlow]

6. A few days

And they are a LONG few days. But hell I'm a stubborn Italian and he's a stubborn German, so that's just the way it goes in our house! :D The good thing is, we don't fight often.

[AirmensMom]

7. An hour or so ...

long enough to cool down. I can't imagine going days without speaking to each other. That would drive me nuts.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. agreed. so awkward too.

[Rosie1223]

8. The silent treatment is a family tradition in my husband's family

I consider it childish, though, and if my husband tries it with me, I ignore the fact that he isn't speaking to me and carry on conversations with him until he has to respond.

On the other hand, if my mother-in-law tries it, I consider it a blessing.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

9. Mine are kind of like a hurricane

Usually 1 or 2 rough days, then it seems like the worst is over and everything is right with the world. That will last a couple of days. Then something triggers it again, 1 or 2 more bad days, and finally the matter is all done and everyone's forgiven.

[mainegreen]

10. An hour? Maybe less. We hardly fight anyway.

Most of our fights are stupid 'is latin a dead language' or 'that was *not* a 'tone of voice' I just used' fights.

Nothing serious.

[fizzgig]

57. yup, the classic 'that was *not* a tone of voice' fights

i've had a few of those

[La Lioness Priyanka]

12. an hour maybe two. once we went to sleep after a fight. that was terrible.

we resolve it before bed.

[Bertha Venation]

14. a few minutes

Seriously. :shrug: Neither of us can let a fight sit for very long.

[Shakespeare]

15. We don't really fight.

With my ex, he said something so horrible to me once that I didn't speak to him for three days, but that was also the point at which our relationship ended.

[LostinVA]

19. You need to learn to take criticism about the Cowboys betters

I';M TEASING!!! (maybe)

:pals:

[Shakespeare]

33. BWAHAHA! He's a Broncos fan.

That makes us a mixed home--AFC and NFC, so we pull for each other's teams (unless and until playoff encounters occur, then it's WAR!).

:hi: :loveya:

[LostinVA]

37. It's worse for us: Giants - Eagles

The only thing we unite on is CRUSHING DALALS!!!!!!!!!!

[Shakespeare]

39. Wow--marital discord within the same NFC division.

That IS tough. :wow:

But at least neither of you is a Redskins fan, so I still love you. :7

[LostinVA]

40. I kinda was when I lived in NC (pre Panthers)

[Shakespeare]

43. That's okay. I'm willing to overlook past transgressions.

Maybe we like the same baseball team or something. :rofl:

[LostinVA]

45. I was young, and often stoned

[Shakespeare]

47. Now THAT is the perfect excuse.

:rofl: :yourock:

Not that there's anything wrong with being stoned. :smoke:

[skygazer]

16. I've never gone without speaking to him

Not purposely at any rate. If we fight, we fight. We may or may not make up soon but we don't stop communicating.

[Shell Beau]

17. Maybe a couple of hours!

We get over things easily.

[AlCzervik]

18. i really can't think of a time that happened. Maybe a few minutes on my end

but that was more to keep myself from saying something awful. I cannot imagine going days without speaking to my husband because of an argument.

[graywarrior]

20. Used to be days

Now it's a few minutes. Neither of us can stand the deadly silence.

[Parche]

21. You are not speaking to Tony Romo?

:woohoo: :hi: :hug:

[TZ]

24. Thats one person...

I have no interest in meeting..blech!

[Gonzo Gardener]

22. Over the years we have learned to recognize that we fight when we're tired or stressed

Our petty tiffs devolve into fuck yous fairly quickly because we're too exhausted or preoccupied to be more creative in our fights. We usually end up laughing at ourselves within a few minutes because we both see it for what it is... a childish way to blow off steam.

We do have disagreements over important issues and when we find that the discussion is getting heated we agree to take a break... to re-approach the subject later. Sometimes these issues take time to settle... even months or years. Sometimes we have to search within ourselves to understand why we feel so strongly about whatever it is and make an attempt to try to understand where the other is coming from so that we can come back to solve the dispute without a dramatic argument.

I can't imagine not talking to my DH for days. Our lives are way too busy and complicated to allow for several days with no communication. Someone would end up forgetting to pick the kid up after school or take him to karate class, forget to feed the furry kids or buy toilet paper and dog food on the way home from work, or...

I would end up laughing at myself for playing at such an immature game... "the silent treatment", oooooooh, lol. :rofl:

BTW, we've just celebrated 15 years together... 14 of them married.


:hi: turtelysue!!!

How you doin'? ;)

[TZ]

26. Hi!

I'm okay I suppose. Feeling a bit icky today because I FINALLY won my 6-7 week battle with my insurance company to get my meds (interferon) and my body seems to have lost its tolerance for it..so the fun side effects are back..thank goodness for ibuprofen!
How you doing? Haven't seen much of you lately....:hi:

[Gonzo Gardener]

46. UGH...

fighting for coverage while feeling so crappy... that's really rough. I'm happy that you've, at least, won the battle with the insurance co and that the ibuprofen takes the edge off of your "icky". More importantly, I hope your body is winning the war it's fighting! :hug:

The busy summer has transitioned into a busy fall/winter. DH and I are remodeling our house room by room and that seems to take up most of my free time. My visits to DU usually occur during the odd hours when *normal* people are sleeping. I find myself lurking more than posting, but I try to check in every couple of days or so.

I'm trying to work out the details (convince my hubby) that we should go to DC during the inauguration. I'll be wallowing in self pity celebrating my 40th birthday around that time and would love the distraction of being in our nation's capital during this momentous occasion! If we or I, as the case may be, do get the details ironed out I'll give you a shout so we can plan some kind of a renDUzvous.

[TZ]

49. Oh yeah!

I've been given permission to use my mothers house (much larger than my place) for some sort of DU get together the weekend before the inaugural!:hi:

[mopinko]

23. he can go for days.

if i don't 'be the grown up', it can go for a few days. i have been known to sleep on the couch, and leave him to think about things before i do something to break it up. got a comfy couch in my office.

[LeftyMom]

25. We don't fight.

:shrug:

[Taverner]

27. Five minutes

Sorry, I'm a blabbermouth

[frogmarch]

28. A day, but

I'm not much of a talker anyway, so he didn't notice he was getting the silent treatment.

[PassingFair]

29. We ALWAYS talk...

although I was TERSE with him for an entire
summer once....

[CaliforniaPeggy]

30. My dear turtlensue...

We don't fight much, after 43 years...

But when we do, and if it's bad, the silence can last all day, or overnight. Pretty rare though.

I can hide in my study all day if I want to...

We have a big house, and it's easy to avoid each other if that's what we want.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

31. you mean we are supposed to talk?

huh.
who knew?

[av8rdave]

32. An entire long weekend

in which we were traveling. Those were some long, silent car rides. I can do without that again!

[petronius]

34. A couple of hours at most

We don't really fight (which isn't necessarily a good thing)...

[mokawanis]

35. A couple of days I guess

but that's pretty rare, it's usually a few hours. We've been married for over 25 years so we've leaned how to work through disagreements quickly.

[KitchenWitch]

36. Only a few hours

[Bake]

38. About an hour.

If I haven't succumbed and apologized by then, the beatings resume.

Bake

[Blue_In_AK]

41. My current spouse and I don't ever fight,

but the last one we couldn't get through more than a day or two without a blowup. We had to make up quickly to get ready for the next one. I WISHED he would have shut up for four or five days, but I was never that lucky.

[Orsino]

42. Haven't had a fight yet.

For over thirteen years now. We just talk.

We seem to be on the same team.

[siligut]

44. We always talk, sometimes we just talk mean.

We snap at each other for a while and then one of us cracks the other one up with the stupidity of it.

[madinmaryland]

48. It just takes overnight, until she gets over it!!

:rofl:

[TZ]

50. So how long do you not speak....

After the Cowboys lose.....:P

[madinmaryland]

51. No effect. She just goes around saying "loser" for a couple of hours.

:shrug:

[Greyskye]

52. Together for almost 10 years now.

We seem to have gotten all of our 'fights' over with in the first year or so. I can't remember the last time that one of us was so ticked at the other that it caused us to stop speaking.

How the heck can you fix a problem if there isn't any communication? :shrug:

[Tikki]

54. We made a deal that when we got mad at times....

We would say out loud.."I'm mad and don't want to talk now, but I will talk again in
_____(15 mins./1/2 hr./1 hr...longest, and very rarely, a couple hrs.)
And then we follow through by making sure we talk...but only rarely have we talked about
what made us fight in the first place.

We have a theory that most fights are because people are tired, hungry or not feeling a 100%.

The Tikkis

[moriah]

55. With my ex, I didn't speak to him for three days.

He had been truly, utterly stupid. I don't even want to repeat what he said, but the end of it referred to "your fat bitchy ass" and "I hate my life and it's all because of you". This was right before we arrived at his work where I was dropping him off. He said this, then opened the door and slammed it.

Picked him up that evening, turned the radio up and dealt with traffic.

Came home, cooked, when it was ready I made my plate and retreated into my office where I ate and used the computer. When I heard him disappear into the living room, washed my plate, put supper up, and went to bed.

Next morning, woke up before the alarm went off and was showered and dressed with coffee made when he woke up. Ignored him and paid attention to my laptop, turned car radio up while dropping him off at work. Oddly enough he didn't seem to realize what was up at this point.

Repeated two more days. He would try to speak to me a bit, or say "Thanks" when I did something, and I just pretended I didn't hear or nodded/shook my head and went back to ignoring him.

The third day it was Friday evening, when we got home I started cleaning the house. I was putting a LOT of effort into it, as I was still extremely pissed off. He intercepted me as I was coming out of the bathroom after having scrubbed the tub and sink and said "Look, I'm sorry I called you fat."

....

That set off the fireworks.

I yelled at him for about 15 minutes straight, but the first thing out of my mouth was "I know I'm fat, I was fat when you married me -- that's not the fucking point!"

When I was starting to wind down I had already caused him to back out of the room, I slammed the door in his face and went back to cleaning.

I heard the apartment door open and shut, and he disappeared for about 15 minutes. When he came back, I was done with the bathroom and was in my office on the laptop.

He came in with a bottle of vodka and some marijuana and said "Will you accept these as a peace offering?"

[Genevieve]

58. We've been together for five years and we've never had a fight.

nt

[onlyadream]

59. About 10 minutes...

then he usually jumps me for the makeup sex..

[grannylib]

61. Not long. Maybe a few hours at most, and that's only happened

maybe 2-3 times in the 27 years we've been together.

[Jean Louise Finch]

62. Never more than about half an hour

Neither one of us can stand it and we figure out what's up and what we have to do to move on.

[kwassa]

63. Not more than a year.

Beyond that is unreasonable.

[Zavulon]

64. Never over 24 hours.

The only arguments that have resulted on more than a night's sleep of silence all involved her hating my mother or me hating hers. Truth be told, we both have good reasons for feeling the way we do, so when one goes off on the other's mom (this is pretty rare, we both simply accept it), we stop talking for a minute to blow off steam.

We're a rarity in the fact that we both realize that in these instances the complainer really can't be blamed, and also in the fact that our mothers get along famously with each other. It's the sort of thing you could make a Hollywood comedy out of as long as you're not living it yourself.

[latebloomer]

72. I can relate to that!

Both our mothers are difficult in their own unique ways.

His mom, however, has been living wwith us (temporarily!) for over a year. It's a major strain on me and our marriage- but he wouldn't mind if only I didn't.

[Rhythm]

65. I think our single longest has been a few hours... usually we resolve things within 1/2 hour, though

We're going on 10 years together...

[SarahB]

68. A few hours.

We both made the mistake of NOT speaking up in past relationships and taking a lot of shit. Neither of us take shit, but are willing to put forth the effort to deal with things as they happen. We never end up staying too mad for too long.

[Heidi]

70. We've never had a fight like that.

I'm glad we haven't, because CMW is the quiet type, anyway. I'd hate to think how long he could go without speaking to me if he were really _trying_. :scared:

[Phentex]

71. I always forget that I'm mad at him...

so I don't think we've ever gone more than minutes without speaking. I hate when I go to bed mad and then by morning I've forgotten that I was supposed to be mad.

I find that we can talk about everything over coffee in the morning. We tend to be more rational when we aren't tired from a long day.

[latebloomer]

73. a couple of hours

Not sure how long he could withstand it, but silence after an unresolved fight makes me uncomfortable and insecure, so I'll re-open the discussion and we talk it out in a calmer, more rational way.

My parents would have arguments and not talk for days. It was a crappy way to grow up, and I'm not going to let that happen in my family.

[Kierkegaard]

74. I've gone 13 years without talking to my ex wife.

I've never even had an argument with my current wife of 11 years. Really. It's getting creepy because I feel like I'm married to Imani Izzi...

[Mad_Dem_X]

75. A couple of hours, at the most.

I've been married for 11 years, with him for 15. Usually after an hour or two, one of us will break down and approach the other (to apologize or just to talk). I can't imagine going days without speaking to him. That just doesn't seem healthy.

[raptor_rider]

76. We do not actually fight

we may have disagreements or he does something that pisses me off. I am the silent one and will stay quite and try to sort things out in my own mind. He lets me be until I am ready to talk and get it off of my chest. I will not yell or fight. I refuse to. I can be silent for a couple of hours. It doesn't last long for me.

[Beer Snob-50]

77. we don't actually not talk

we just talk as little as possible>>>

Me: Whats for dinner?
Her: Who Cares

[Westegg]

78. 2 days. It's painful and awful...

..and it's happened twice. We worked through it, thankfully, and I hope it never happens again.

[Flaxbee]

79. we don't do that. We may have an argument, but I

think not talking is childish and petty. We keep talking, even if we're disagreeing.

[littlebit]

80. The longest we ever went was

two weeks.

[Orrex]

81. Indefinitely, if you kill them and bury them beside the railroad tracks

Don't tell my wife though--she doesn't need any ideas!

[ZombieHorde]

82. Around 15 minutes or so, enough to cool off a little.

[Burma Jones]

83. About an Hour

Enough time to cool off.......

[old mark]

84. We don't fight, either. Can't help. nt

[SidneyCarton]

85. Mrs. Carton and I have been married for 4 years...

I come from a family of screamers, so usually not talking is how I try and avoid a fight, not how I pursue the aftermath of a fight.

"Lucie" will be quiet for maybe an hour at the most if she's mad at me, but usually less, she came from a family where people wouldn't talk when they were angry, and can't stand the silence.

So neither of us are really good at the silent treatment.

[Fleshdancer]

86. maybe 15 minutes max?

Our fights are what other people would call small arguments. We don't raise our voices and we never resort to name calling. My husband is more even tempered than I am. When I feel myself get too angry, I say I need a few minutes before I say something I'm going to regret. Once the emotion settles, we talk it through.

I personally wouldn't be in a relationship with someone who shuts down for hours or days at a time due to disagreements.