My "conversation" with the douchebag professor.

[Writer]

For those who care:

Yesterday the douchebag prof. and I had a rather "healthy" exchange. He was very angry at discovering that I was not going to stay with him in the spring. Apparently my simply asking him, "Do you need me for the spring?" back in early October constituted a complete agreement that I would stay with him, DESPITE our never having spoken or never having any formal meeting where I explicitly told him that I would stay. I did, in turn, confront him on his ditching our book project and never following-up with me, while extensively helping another Master's student. I did NOT however, address the inappropriateness of his working relationship with her or with me.

The entire meeting was a lesson in Douchebaggery. To whit:

1. According to him, I just need to "chill out."

2. That there was no need for further discussion about my wanting to continue with him beyond my asking him: "Do you need me in the spring?"

3. He doesn't communicate well, and that's just how he is. (I think the implication here was "too bad").

4. Regarding his ditching my project and never getting back to me: He can work with whomever he wants, whenever he wants, and that's that.

5. He told me that he supported me before entering the doctoral program, supporting me entering the doctoral program, and he WANTED to support my way through the program, "but there we are."

6. He said that he never got back to me on the book project because he thought the "timing was wrong" because there were too many books like it. He failed to inform me of this brilliant realization of his.

7. Apparently I also have "some sort of problem" with this Master's student he's working with; apparently my saying that she made a "cameo appearance" at one of our meetings was somehow derogatory to her.


I stood my ground and held up to his BS rather well. I actually walked out of there feeling very vindicated, and I think it's because I now understand well that he's a total douchebag, and that his douchebaggery may likely cause a problem for him. I think some of the items he told me were very abusive, especially his comment on his helping me throughout the program. I'm not going to bother the poor Assoc. Dean who has been so patient with me throughout this for a little while, at least, but I think I will have to mention these items to him.

Oh well. Back to work. :P

[DS1]

1. Sounds like he upgraded to douche canoe

to me

[Writer]

3. If he's a douche canoe, then he has a tiny paddle. n/t

[blueraven95]

2. blech

you are absolutely better off without him.

:hug:

[Writer]

6. I think that's why I felt better afterward.

Because now I know for sure.

[blueraven95]

7. ...

it is nice to know.

I would recommend not actively burning any bridges, but stay away from him.

:hug:

[Orrex]

4. Were you nekkid, by any chance?

It's clear from this that he's an asshole with delusions of power and influence. Anyone who'd try to leverage you, with the hope of receiving his support and endorsement, is an asshole.

And the answer to #4 is either

"I can work with whomever I want, whenever I want, and that's that. So I won't be with you in the spring."

or

"Well, you can't work with me. At least not in the spring."


What an asshole.

[Writer]

5. I should have been nekkid.

:P

He is an asshole. And I think he's this way, because he's gotten away with it for so long. I have been wondering for quite a while, but I now know that he's a narcissist.

Maybe if I had been naked, however, he would have been a narcissist minus one touchdown.

[DS1]

8. are you saying he'd have slipped on the astroturf?

[Writer]

9. Yes, and he would have hit his head. Which is already quite damaged. n/t

[Dora]

10. Good for you!

Now he knows not to take students for granted, even if he's incapable of admitting it. Did he really open the meeting by telling you to chill out? Why would he say that?

[Writer]

11. He said that I needed to "chill out," a little later in the argument...

actually he opened it up by saying that I had this constant complaint that he doesn't communicate well, and that his wife also has the same complaint.

"Well, you don't," I said.

[Orsino]

12. Since you're not free of him yet...

...and since I read an implied threat in "but there we are," would you take a recording device into your next meeting with him? Dirtbaggery ought to be preserved, just in case he decides to upgrade to "hostile work environment."

[Writer]

13. I have been in close contact with the Assoc. Dean, and my entire cohort knows about...

the situation, so I feel protected. I also took notes following that meeting... and that comment indeed had threatening overtones. However, I need to study for a bit. If I have time, then I might let the Assoc. Dean know about what he said.

[Deep13]

14. You out to at least explain your complaints in a letter to either Prof. DB

or to the dean in order to make a record of the conversation.

[Writer]

15. I have to be very careful politically, so how and when I complain to anyone...

not to mention what I say to whom, is very tricky. It's a small department. There's a lot of communication between the professors and deans. It's not as formal a system as an office, say.

[Writer]

16. I'm giving this a big douchey KICK.

I'm feeling a little down... I think it's because I'm in the middle of a lot of work right now and the stress is exacerbating things. I guess I wouldn't mind a little more interaction on this.