Short-leash your mutt or so help me I will punt it into next Thursday

[MrCoffee]

Is "sorry" gonna change my pants when your stupid rat dog jumps on me and leaves muddy dog prints all over me while I'm walking to the bus?

[Shell Beau]

1. Oops!! Well it was happy to see you!

[MrCoffee]

3. Oops nothing...I was assaulted.

[Shell Beau]

8. Awww!! Here have a hug!

:hug:

[MrCoffee]

10. Did you wipe your hands first?!?!?!

Tehehe...thanks.

[Shell Beau]

11. Before or after I used the bathroom?

:P

[Midlodemocrat]

2. Uh, oh. Wait until 'trebek' sees this post. Won't go well, not at all.

[MrCoffee]

4. I'm not scared of her.

:hide:

[redqueen]

5. Looks like somebody's got a case of the Mondays!

:hi:

[MrCoffee]

7. Somebody's got a case of the wet muddy pants

Thanks to asshat and their asshat dog.

[redqueen]

12. Your anger arouses me.

:P

[MrCoffee]

42. I've got rage and bile up to here

I need more coffee to pour on my ulcer

[arcadian]

6. I don't think this will bode well with the puppycam crowd.

You probably just made their shitlist.

[MrCoffee]

9. C'est la vie.

[old mark]

13. My dog is nearly 120 pounds. I doubt anyone will drop kick him anywhere.

His name is Peanut, but when I walk him in a questionable area, I call him Satan, loudly, and haul on his harness as if he is trying to get away from me.

People cross the street to avoid us, and this makes me happy.

mark

[Deep13]

18. What a delightful public nuissance you have. nt

[Bertha Venation]

23. LOL - Love it!

[Orrex]

28. I'm not afraid of dogs like that

I carry a baseball bat with nails hammered through it.

Here, doggie doggie!

[lukasahero]

48. LOL - I love it!

I remember once when my car broke down very late at night. I lived on a dark wooded street. Unfortunately, my dogs were named Tiffany and Muffin. These names do not induce the fear factor required for midnight walking on dark deserted streets. :(

I faked it and called out for Thor and Zeus to anyone who might be within hearing distance! :) I doubt it deterred anyone but it sure as hell made me feel safer than calling "Tiffany! Muffin! Come here girls!" ;)

[old mark]

51. Funny! I'm trying to imagine a pitbull named Muffin.....

[taterguy]

14. Serves you right for wearing pants

:eyes:

[MrCoffee]

33. I brought it on myself, wearing pants out of the house like that.

I mean really, who thinks they can just walk down the sidewalk while wearing pants and not get attacked by some stupid dog?

[DS1]

15. I kick all of them, just to be sure

[Deep13]

16. I'm not going to tolerate a prostate exam from your dog. nt

[jobycom]

17. Dude, you need to become MrDeCaff before you hurt yourself.

:rofl:

For the record, I always cheer for the animal over the people. Had a field day at "Jaws," until that damn lucky shot at the end.

[Midlodemocrat]

19. One of the funniest movie scenes ever is in the movie 'Cold

Turkey'. The entire town is trying to quit smoking and there is a scene looking out of a basement window towards the street when a person comes along and literally kicks the dog about 2 blocks.

I LOVE dogs, but it was so unexpected, I laughed out loud. Very funny movie.

[jobycom]

20. Reminds me of the scene in "Vacation"

Chevy Chase falls asleep while driving, runs off the road and through a neighborhood alley, where he almost runs over a poodle being walked by a little old lady. At the last moment, the woman yanks the leash and whips the dog out of the way. Poor little poodle goes flying through the air like a shrimp on a fishing line. Don't know why, but I laughed more at that scene than at the rest of the movie.

[Midlodemocrat]

21. I think it's because you don't expect it.

I mean, seriously, who would really punt a dog into outer space? Besides MrCoffee that is.

[jobycom]

22. Dick Cheney probably would have, back when he was still alive. nt

[WI_DEM]

24. Next time tell the owner you want your pants dry cleaned before you will accept their apology.

[BlueIris]

25. Jesus. Get therapy.

Cruelty toward animals is part of the triad of sociopathy, you know.

[Orrex]

26. I think the second part is a tendency to literalize sarcasm

:evilgrin:

[Midlodemocrat]

27. Is the third part an addiction to coffee, or poetry?

:hide:

[Neshanic]

29. Decaf coffee?

[Rabrrrrrr]

30. Many times walking through parks I wish I had a big copper pipe to kill dogs with.

"Oh, I'm sorry, it wasn't on a leash and it jumped up on me, so I assumed it was rabid or at least otherwise dangerous - maybe your next dog you'll keep on a fucking leash, you pile of shit".

Of course, I didn't do that, because it's not the dog's fault - it's the owner's fault for thinking their animals are beyond the law and god's most precious cutest fucking gift to the world ever and so, yeah, every fucking person should be HONORED to have their dog run up to them.

Unfortunately, the law thinks that killing asshole dog owners is the same as killing people, so I couldn't take the pipe to them, either.

In a just world, though, dog owners would be expected to treat the world like something beyond a giant shitting garden.

[MrCoffee]

31. You have no idea how tempted I was to throw the dog at the owner

This idiot had no control at all over the dog, and when it jumped all over me and smeared mud all over me, all she said was "oh sorry".

I was less apologetic about telling her where exactly she and her damn dog could get off.

[Rabrrrrrr]

34. It's that added smugness of the dog owner that makes the rage boil over.

If they acted in any way apologetic, or in any way like maybe they were in error, but they don't. In fact, they get indignant at US for "being an animal hater".

Such as your instance. The person was, I'm sure, thinking "How could he be upset about the mud? He should be honored that a dog felt him worthy of snuggling with! He should pay ME for that time with my dog!"

Smug fucking arrogant pieces of self-centered oblivious shit.

[MrCoffee]

38. You absolutely GET IT, Rabrrrrrr

:applause:

[Rabrrrrrr]

45. Thank. My life's mission - goal, if you will - is to try to "get" as much as possible,

and not spend life living in ignorance.

:thumbsup:

[Midlodemocrat]

32. When I walk through the parks, I carry a big copper pipe to kill dog owners with.

Not the dog's fault, but the person? Totally deserved that skull crushing blow to the temple.

[Rabrrrrrr]

37. Damn right. But as I said, the law thinks killing dog owners is the same as killing people.

[Midlodemocrat]

39. I don't get that. They're not even human. The ones who don't leash their dogs, that is.

[MrCoffee]

41. The thing is, this mangy thing was on a leash

One of those extendable/retractable things. The animal never should have gotten close enough to me to jump on me. The owner just was completely oblivious to everything happening around her.

[Midlodemocrat]

43. She was probably a Republican to boot.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

50. I HATE those leashes

Mick gets walked on a standard 6' leash. He's a savage. I certainly would not trust him on a piece of retractable string.

Beag gets to be off-leash in the yard, and she'll get to go off-leash whenever I finally take her hiking. However, she's civilized and comes when called. When walking in public she's on a regular leash coupled to the savage.

I hate it at the dog park when people's mutts jump all over me. They're always labs (who are also oddly the most aggressive dogs at the park) or Wheaten terriers. For some reason, there's a large quantity of people around here with uncivilized Wheaten terriers. Mick, as nuts as he is, at least won't jump on people. He'll just drop a tennis ball at their feet and give them "the eye" until they throw it.

[Bake]

35. Let me introduce you to Muffin!

My lhasa apso. Or as my son's friends refer to her, Satan.

Don't try to pet her. Much less be aggressive. She'll rip your lungs out.

Bake

[flvegan]

36. Might get you some quality time like I give your mother, Trebek.

(1) A person is guilty of animal cruelty in the first degree when, except as authorized in law, he or she intentionally (a) inflicts substantial pain on, (b) causes physical injury to, or (c) kills an animal by a means causing undue suffering, or forces a minor to inflict unnecessary pain, injury, or death on an animal.

Washington Code 16.52.205: Animal cruelty in the first degree.

Besides, if you punt the dog into next Thursday, next Thursday there will be two of them to jump on you. Why compound things?

[MrCoffee]

40. I didn't actually kick the dog, dillhole. I did, however, rip the owner a new one.

[old mark]

52. That's better - the dog didn't choose his leash, the human was the

stupid one....


mark

[Fire Walk With Me]

44. Washington is the only state with a "no punt" zone?

[petronius]

46. But it's so cute! Fifi likes you! Aaawwwww....

:puke:

I have a colleague that is seriously blind to how annoying her dogs are. Last time we were there, one of them plopped a wet tennis ball with about a pint of green dog saliva right in my lap - I was extremely unamused. Dog owners (and parents) need to understand that, while they might love their dogs (or children) the rest of us are not nearly so attached to or affectionate towards their dogs (or children). Seriously, if I wanted dog spit on my stuff I would have a dog...

As for my dog-loving colleague, 95% of our department will not go to her house, and she has no idea why.

[Flaxbee]

47. my neighbors let their dogs run wild - and

inevitably, they find me whenever I'm wearing light colored clothing and they just took a mud bath.

I can deal with the clothes, but I get mighty pissed when same dogs chase the local cats, including the ferals I'm trying to catch for the spay/neuter clinic.

[KG]

49. as a dog owner,

:thumbsup: