Help for Problem Drinkers

[SoDesuKa]

I wish my friend Jenny could see what she actually looks and sounds like when she's drinking. She thinks she's handling it, but she's not.

She invited me over to her house last week to help with some computer problems. I could see there was nothing wrong with the computer, just that she was doing it wrong. I tried to show her the correct way to attach a picture to an e-mail, but she was too drunk to follow what I was saying. I made a graceful exit, and she called a couple of hours later to apologize. "It will never happen again," she said.

We rescheduled to this past Sunday, but when I arrived she was already shitfaced. I think she thought she was managing it, but she was slurring her words, clumsily trying to keep her balance, and was once again unable to follow what I was trying to show her. This time I wasn't so diplomatic in in making my exit, and she followed me to the door, calling me an asshole for refusing to help her, and who the hell do I think I am.

Later, when I saw she'd left a message on my answering machine, I assumed she'd called once again to apologize. But this time she left more drunken-sounding abuse. I'm really conflicted about what to do here. She is actually a friend of mine and I don't want to abandon her when she's sick. Other friends have said she's been in and out of AA, but she believes she's getting along fine without it.

Frankly, I don't know what to do. I don't want to get into another argument with her. Is there help for people who think their drinking isn't as bad as it really is?

[Taverner]

1. What about a trip you two go on

Don't make her leave the alcohol behind, but go someplace where it isn't easy to find. Have a good time. That's all you can do.

[astral]

2. Hurting her feelings by telling her what you see going on

is the right thing to do if you are a true friend. She may not be ready to hear it now, but she will have it in her mind to mull over at least. You can't tell an alcoholic when it's time to straighten up. But you can try.