Guilty Pleasures: Favorite one liners from film & TV

[Shardik]

1. Did you ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? (Batman)
2. Thanks for the donuts, Duncan. (The Adventures of Briscoe County Jr.)
3. I think I may have fucked a squirrel to death. (The Last Boy Scout)
4. As God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly. (WKRP in Cincinnati)

Just four out of many! List some of yours and keep it going! Best Mel Brooks lines? Best Aliens?

[Crazy Dave]

1. Lots from Pulp Fiction

Jules: "It's the one that says Bad Motherfucker"

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

7. I'd pay good money for a quality rendered photoshop poster of Obama/Biden as Jules/Vincent.

Oh, and "Check out the big brain on Brad!" was my personal favorite from that movie.

[aquaman]

32. That is a good one...

I love that movie.

[WI_DEM]

2. Baby Jane (Bette Davis) to her sister (Joan Crawford):

Blanche, you know we got rats in the cellah?

[pokerfan]

3. I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?

Excuse me while I whip this out.

That's what I love about these high school girls, man: I get older, they stay the same age.

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the armies of the North, general of the Felix legions, loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son, husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.

Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not 'every man for himself.' And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up.

Relax, all right? Don't try to strike everybody out. Strikeouts are boring; besides that, they're fascist. Throw some ground balls. It's more democratic.

Get busy living or get busy dying.

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time like tears in rain. Time to die.

Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

[Aristus]

24. That line from "Gladiator" was good, except for its huge errors.

The Roman "c" was hard, so it should be pronounced "Dekimus", not "Dessimus". And "Maximus" was not a given name. It would have been a nickname, if he was a good a general as he was supposed to be. So his proper name should have been "Dekimus" Meridius Maximus. There were no famous families in Rome named Meridius, so the writers did well in making Maximus from the provinces, where the name might have been more common.

Sorry, Ancient Rome nerd here... :+

[pokerfan]

29. And Roman saddles didn't have stirrups.

http://www.caerleon.net/history/army/page9.html

[Aristus]

30. Oh yeah. First noticeable mistake in a film loaded with them.

Still a very enjoyable movie, overall. B-)

[NanceGreggs]

4. "I say we take the shuttle ...

... and nuke the whole planet from space. It's the only way to be sure." (Aliens)

"If God wants to test us, why can't it be a written?" (Woody Allen - Love & Death)

"The name is Lucas Buck ... that's Buck with a B." (American Gothic)

"It was linguine - now it's garbage." (The Odd Couple)

"I have crossed oceans of time to be with you." (Dracula)

"What are you going to do? Arrest me for smoking?" (Basic Instinct)

"You ask for a miracle - I give you the F ... B ... I." (Die Hard)

"Who's dead?" (Moonstruck)

"I'll take some more of that potted meat - if ya got any extrey." (Sling Blade)

"Ah, Bach!" (M*A*S*H)

"I was in so much pain, for three days I was afraid I wasn't going to die." (Hill Street Blues)

"Paulie? Oh, you won't be seeing Paulie 'round here no more." (The Godfather)

"This whore's mouth is only good for two things - and one of them is lying through her teeth." (The Shield)

"What we have here is a school trip gone awry." {School of Rock)

"Men like that breed unhappiness in a woman." (Dr. Zhivago)

"All right, maybe he isn't a professional crepe hanger - he's just one of the world's top-ranking amateurs." (Rosemary's Baby)

[Shardik]

5. Great ones... and a couple I just remembered: I just remembered

What we have here is a failure to communicate. (Cool Hand Luke)

You can't fight here! This is the War Room! (Dr. Strangelove)

[NanceGreggs]

10. "We're gonna need a bigger boat."

(Jaws)

"Is it safe?" (Marathon Man)

"Plastics." (The Graduate)

"Yes, the tables have turned - and they have turned with a vengeance." (Summer & Smoke)

"Somewhere there are people who still care about what color the kitchen is." (The Untouchables)

"Well, you can dye your hair and change your name, and move to another town - and maybe, just maybe, you'll be safe from me." (The Long Hot Summer)

"Being paranoid doesn't mean we're not being followed." (Telefon)

"This is my brother Daryl. This is my other brother Daryl. Now, Daryl is on board with this, but Daryl is adopting a wait-and-see attitude." (Newhart)

[davsand]

6. We are terrible about throwing out movie quotes! Off the top of my head:

"You are so beyond fucked, you couldn't catch a bus back to fucked." From the movie Suckers.

"So many social engaements, so little time." Raising Arizona

"We're gonna need a bigger boat." Jaws

"I do NOT think that word means what you think it means." Princess Bride

"How about eternal peace--now THERE'S a thought" Lion in Winter

"Mrs. Pedicaris, you are a great deal of trouble." The Wind and the Lion



Laura

[Shardik]

8. Thanks for bringing up Pricess Bride:

"Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die."

[MorningGlow]

9. Just posted this in GD

"It's not the thing you fling, it's the fling itself." - Northern Exposure

[terrya]

11. "Well, what shall we hang? The holly or each other"?

From the immensely quotable "The Lion in Winter"

[CBHagman]

31. Yay!

I ought to have known one faithful DUer or other would produce a LIW quote.

Lately I've been watching the BBC's 2007 version of Cranford, and it's one of the most quotable things I've ever run across.

"I have such a horror of hands under beds."

"My father was a man. I think I understand the sex."

"You've fed her till she's fit to pull a plow."

"We are no longer merely neighbors, we are friends."

"You spent too long before the looking-glass. There is a madness that descends on such occasions."

"My sister does not care for the expression 'suck.'"

:rofl:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/drama/cranford/

[NanceGreggs]

12. "I’ve seen some mean little gals in my time ...

... but you're the meanest." (The Bad Seed)

"Your eyes are full of hate, forty-one. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive." (Ben Hur)

"There's something about this new kid that puts me in mind of Andy Junior ..." (NYPD Blue)

"You play fair with me, I'll play fair with you." (Fatal Attraction)

"If he wants the work done, he must get the cash out. The one-rupee era is over." (Monsoon Wedding)

"Progress always comes late." (Cinema Paradiso)

"Jane, you're a strange and almost unearthly thing." (Jane Eyre)

"I like being tragic, Ma. I learned it from you." (The Joy Luck Club)

"A woman should never learn to sew - and if she does, she shouldn't admit to it." (The English Patient)

"It is a lonely life, the way of the necromancer ..." (Excalibur)

"I'll live to see all of you hanging from the highest yardarm in the British fleet." (Mutiny on the Bounty)

[nomorenomore08]

13. "The choice between doin' ten years, and takin' out some stupid motherfucker, ain't no choice at all

- Harvey Keitel in "Reservoir Dogs"


Also, any number of quotes from "Full Metal Jacket":

"You look like you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose!"

"You had best unfuck yourself, or I will take a giant shit on you!"

"I wanna be the first kid on my block with a confirmed kill."

"She say no boom-boom soul brother. Soul brother too beaucoup."

"No more boom-boom for this baby-san."

"If I'm gonna get my balls blown off for a word, my word is poontang."


Or the immortal Frank Booth from "Blue Velvet":

"You fucker! You fucker's fucker! You fucker!"

"Heineken? Fuck that shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon!"

"It's DADDY, you shithead! Where's my bourbon?"

"Mommy... baby wants to fuck..."

"No, I want you to FUCK it! Shit yes, pour the fuckin' beer!"

"I'll send you a love letter! Straight from my heart, fucker! You know what a love letter is? It's a bullet from a fuckin' gun, fucker! You receive a love letter from me, and you're fucked forever!"

[frogcycle]

14. What we have here...

is a failure...


to COMMUNICATE!

Cool Hand Luke

[frogcycle]

15. Hold the tuna salad

between your knees.


Jack Nicholson, Five Easy Pieces

[frogcycle]

16. I could do this...

ALL night long!

Jack Nicholson,
"Goin South"

[frogcycle]

17. I feel... that I have been denied...

critical...
NEED to know...

In-for ma-tion!


Michael Gross, Tremors II

[Mad_Dem_X]

18. "Old Man...

you give those dogs any more of my food, I'm gonna kick you 'til you're dead!" (Moonstruck)

"See, Daddy - sinners have soul, too." (The Color Purple)

"You're on fire today."
"Yes. (pause) You can go now." (Sex, Lies & Videotape)

[YankeyMCC]

19. "I'll be in my bunk." (Jayne - Firefly)

"As god as my witness. I thought Turkeys could fly." (WKRP)

"Klaatu barada nikto." The Day the Earth Stood still.

"The man we want is the one who gave him those scars." (Magnificent Seven)

"I'm shocked, shocked to find that there is gambling going on here!" Casablanca

[Mojambo]

20. From the brilliant BBC comedy Peep Show

"I'm just another reject, slowly slipping out of the gene pool, to get hoovered up by the sex industry."

[Robeson]

21. Hawk. Goin' for the Musselshell....

...Take me a week's ridin', and he'll be there in... hell, he's there already.

[frogcycle]

22. 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on!

This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

Need I say more?

[yellowdogintexas]

23. "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." GWTW

'He made him an offer he couldn't refuse' The Godfather

'Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore' 'The Wizard of Oz'

'Who ARE those guys?' Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

[Amerigo Vespucci]

25. Ed Asner, A.K.A. Lou Grant, Mary Tyler Moore Show: "I hate spunk."

A golden oldie.

:toast:

[bluesbassman]

26. "It's good to be the King". Mel Brooks as King Louis XVI in History of the World, Part 1

"Hey, that kangaroo stole my ball!" Rodney Danger as Al Cervic in "Caddyshack"

"You take the blond, I'll take the one in the turban" Marty Feldman as Igor in "Young Frankenstein"

"They said you was hung" - "And they was right!" Cleavon Little as Sheriff Bart in "Blazing Saddles"

[rcrush]

27. There can be only one!

I'm Duncan MacLeod, born four hundred years ago in the Highlands of Scotland. I am immortal and I am not alone. For centuries we've waited for the time of the Gathering, when the stroke of a sword and a fall of a head will release the power of the Quickening. In the end, there can be only one.


I am Connor MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod. I was born in 1518 in the village of Glenfinnan on the shores of Loch Shiel. And I am immortal.

[Dr. Strange]

28. Well, that's nitpicking isn't it?

http://www.moviewavs.com/php/sounds/?id=bst&media=WAVS&type=Movies&movie=This_Is_Spinal_Tap"e=nitpicking.txt&file=nitpicking.wav