Senior Moment Problem

[wandathewitch]

 I am writing this letter, not just for myself, but for other
senior citizens.
I have had two strokes among other health issues, in recent
years. At seventy seven, my memory is not good.  I have
always handled our finance's so that is one thing I can do to
relieve my wife from the many tasks that are needed to care
for our home.
We recently sold our van in order to get a smaller car as it
makes it easier for me to get in and out.and also it is
easier for her to drive as I no longer can.
Because we didn't have enough money from the sale of the van,
we had to take out a cash advance to makeup the difference
between what we got for the van and what we owed on it.  The
registration for the car was mailed right away, but I didn't
remember  that I had depleted my savings , so I put the money
in the next day.  This time they got the money.  
Later, I got a registered letter charging me $48.oo for the
bounced check plus the fee for the letter.
I called the DMV and told them the circumstances and they
informed me that I have to pay it.  I have.
I want you to know that during this trying time, selling van
and getting my budget readjusted, I made a couple of other
overdrafts at our bank and they, being very understanding,
reimbursed me.  We are alone and trying to keep our
Independence with living in our little home and wonder why
they don't have allowances for those people with short term
memory problems as they do with other disabilities.  I even
called our rep and got no help.  I really need the money that
I had to pay.  I don't want to give the job of paying the
bills to my wife as she has a lot of heath issues also.  
I would like to hear what you all feel about this.  
Thank you, much.  Mr Moose
 

[seabeyond]

1. i am glad to hear your bank was understanding. i dont have any answers

but keep on truckin on....

wish the best for you two.

[monmouth]

2. Hopefully your county has a "Senior Services" department. They

have the reputation as far as I know of being very helpful. Usually, and if you ask, they will come to you at your home and you can discuss your concerns with them. There is usually an attorney(s) in their group who be able to get you any assistance you need along with medical people who may come to your home also. They can also help with perhaps getting meal to you both. Hope this is helpful.

[CTyankee]

3. Do you have grown children who might help you? I know I helped my mom

who was in Texas (I was in far off CT) and I set up a bill payer account with her bank and paid her bills for her.

Do you need assisted living help? My mother did and she really thrived with it! It was a great thing for her. She had activities and she was much better fed. When she lived alone she didn't eat well and lost a great deal of weight. When she moved into assisted living, she just blossomed so much! She also could get her hair done each week!

Please pm me if you would like more information. I would be happy to tell you about my mother's experience with assisted living and with selling her house and all of that.

Iknow it is hard for you. But I have learned from my own mother's experience and I am now almost 70!

[elleng]

14. I think this is excellent advice.

I've had similar issues with my folks, and my brother and I help figuring out the best way to handle things.

[Coexist]

4. you can start here for information

http://www.sciway.net/org/seniors.html

http://www.aarp.org/states/sc/

[dixiegrrrrl]

5. Is there someone in family or church or friend you trust to help?

someone who could scheudle your bill paying with you?

Can you set up automatic bill paying at your bank?

Can your wife help remind about bill due dates?
Perhaps it is time to allow her to help track what needs to be paid?
I know you don't want to "burden" your wife with any extra work,
but perhaps the burden would be better than having budget problems if something like this occurs again?

I don't know how big of a town you live in, but if there are any accountants around, maybe they know of a way to have help with financial tracking. I do know in some places there are bill paying services.
Altho I think automatic check deposit and bill paying is the easiet way to go.

Waht about Senior Service Centers? any in your area.

If you have reliable grown children, that would be the first place I would go and discuss options.

Hope this helps....I am a retired Social Worker, btw...

[The empressof all]

6. Contact your local Senior Services Center

Each state offers services to seniors and perhaps they can help by assigning an case manager to double check your bill paying every month. It sounds like you just need some simple assistance and that should be something you can easily get help with.

[1Hippiechick]

7. Do you have family members who can assist you? Here is a weblink to get started.....

You are posting on the web, so that tells me that you have internet access. Have you searched the web for local assistance?

http://seniorjournal.com/seniorlinks.htm

[Sarah Ibarruri]

8. Please K&R this so it will go to favorites and they'll get help - thanks nt

[wandathewitch]

10. Thank you, thank you all.

From the stroke, I was left with a balance problem and it is very hard for me to get around. I can do very little physical. I think that now that the van is sold, I have things under control, I will be able to do the finances. My wife is going all day with the physical work, so I must do my part with the less physical. I didn't mention that during the transaction, my wife was in the hospital and had surgery, so perhaps things will be better now. I never thought that so many people would care do much. We are very grateful to you people. Thank you,

[annabanana]

15. (lounge posts don't go to the greatest page). . . n/t

[Sarah Ibarruri]

18. Oh for real? :( Maybe it should be posted elsewhere? nt

[bkkyosemite]

9. Perhaps dear sir you could trade a task with your wife that does not entail a memory issue such as

what is in your account. Maybe you could do the dishes or water the garden or something else she does to take that off her hands and she could pay the bills. It seems from your post that perhaps her memory is better than yours. My husband is 74 and has some short term memory issues so we share household duties and who is suited better for one is done by that spouse while something that is suited better for the other is done by them. It comes out pretty even. We all have our talents and strengths no matter how old we are and what challenges we have. Be safe and well.

[Possumpoint]

11. Sir

I'm 62 and have a family history that will lead me down the same path you are walking. My father, who died of complications of stroke in 2001 set things up that I, as the oldest son, would take care of his financial matters if he became incapacitated. That started in 1995 and continued until my mothers death in 2003. My mother, due to mental health issues, was never able to handle said matters.

I am the oldest of 4 children and used my siblings help in group decisions whenever questions rose with my parents care. My parents weren't always happy with what we did but knew the decisions were made with love and concern for their health and well being.

I can only hope you have a loving relative who can help you with these problems.

[blue neen]

12. I don't know what medications you are on, if any, but perhaps you should contact your doctor

and explain to him/her what has been going on. There are a number of medications now that are being used to help with memory problems. Your doctor or someone in his/her office may also be able to help you contact the senior citizens services that are available in your state, or perhaps they know of social services that can assist you both.

Best of luck to both of you!

On edit: In the state of Pennsylvania, for instance, our lottery funds go strictly to assistance for Seniors. That can include monetary help with prescriptions and taxi service for those who need it, etc. The program here is called PACE.

[man4allcats]

13. K&R

Wishing you the best and hopefully some good help too with this kick and recommendation to advance the thread.

[KT2000]

16. I am very familiar

with the problems you have described. Unfortunately I do not have any answers for you that will get your money back. Have you talked with the supervisor at the DMV, the director of the agency?

For anyone who has cognitive problems our world is becoming increasingly difficult to negotiate. Mistakes, once forgiven are now a source of revenue.

You need to structure your life, taking into account the fact that you are also coping with cognitive issues. This is a fact that must be planned for. Get a calendar with big numbers and big spaces. Mark bill due dates and other important notes on the calendar. Make a routine of marking the due date, the date it should be mailed to get there on time, and the amount owed on the outside of bill envelopes. Set aside a period of time every day - right after lunch or breakfast for example, to review the day's financial situation. Check the calendar, check the envelopes and take care of those that are due. Update your checkbook at the same time.

What I am saying is that the organization that was automatic before the cognitive issues began, now needs to be substituted with a plan. Every once in a while we will have to pay for mistakes, but there will be fewer of them.
You may want to involve your wife - as a supervisor. She may not need to do it but she should be aware of what is going on in your financial life in case something happens to you are you are not able to do it.

It does not sound to me like you are incapable of handling the finances. You just goofed up and the state does not have a mechanism for forgiving mistakes (governments cannot usually make exceptions to their rules). But try talking with a supervisor and then the director of the agency if that does not work.


Good luck to you!

[applegrove]

17. I hope you can share with your children your worries. Perhaps they could hire you a secretary for 3

hours a week. Maybe one of them could take over.

[blaze]

19. Sunday kick n/t