Big Brothers/Big Sisters--opinions on the organization, if I may?

[blondeatlast]

Dad's working overseas for 2-3 years and not really going to be able to be involved in my son's life if things remain as they are now (many of you are aware that our marriage is shaky at the moment).

He's turning 12 the end of this month and I'm wondering if this might be a good idea for him. One of my concerns is that they don't talk a lot about what they do on the site so I'm hoping someone with experience can help me out here. So, if you've been a Big or Little or even have some opinion one way or the other, would you kindly help me out?

TIA.

[monmouth]

1. Ask for a printout of the background check. If they don't have one or

refuse to let you see it, go another direction.

[blondeatlast]

3. Good advice indeed. Do you have experience with them?

I don't know anyone who has ever used the program but I feel my son needs some male influence in his life, especially now. I have no brothers and his uncle has offered to help but does not live close.

Thanks for the reply; I need to leave soon and was about to kick this.

[monmouth]

5. I don't have personal experience, no, but have read where "the bad people"

like to insinuate themselves into programs like this. This was when background checks weren't always done, hopefully they've improved on this.

[MineralMan]

15. That'd be really hard with BBBS...

Truly. Their system of background checks, interviews, and training would weed out such "bad people" pretty darned quickly. I don't believe I've ever heard of a single case of misdeeds connected with Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

As you say, you have no personal experience. If you did, you wouldn't say that.

[Chan790]

8. Many, if not most, states have laws that would prohibit disclosure...

not saying that's a good thing...just saying that it's the way it is.

I recently applied to two jobs at Sears, both in sales, which included a credit and background check. I had to send them a certified letter authorizing the first Sears store to share the results with the second store. Otherwise, legally, they would have been obligated to run two independent checks as they cannot disclose the results to any third party not expressly-named within the initial-release without my authorization under NY state law.

[GOPisEvil]

2. I dated someone who was a Big Sister.

The key is not the "what". It's the time spent. Sometimes, she would just visit and take a walk in the park with her little sister. Sometimes she would help with her homework. Other times, they would go for pizza and ice cream. The theory is that having another caring adult in a child's life is a good thing.

[MineralMan]

4. My wife and I are a Big Couple

in the BBBS program. We mentor a 15 year old, mixed-race boy from a single-parent home, with a minor learning disorder. Basically, we get together with him about three times a month and go and do something. Maybe a movie, or a meal, or fishing, or whatever. It's unstructured, and activities are chosen mutually by the adults and the kids.

In the process of doing that, we engage the "Little" in conversation and discuss all sorts of things.

We've been working with this kid now for about 6 months, and he has blossomed quite a bit. He enjoys our outings, and we enjoy hanging out with him. The influences we have on him are subtle, but have a definite impact. He's stopped having discipline problems at school, and is getting along better with his family.

The BBBS system screens the Big Brothers and Big Sisters very carefully, and matches are made with a lot of thought...trying to put people together in a way that will help the most. You'd be amazed at the depth they get into when interviewing and doing background checks of prospective mentors.

You shouldn't worry about it at all. He'll get to meet a friendly, helpful adult and get that person's perspective on stuff. He'll also go to interesting places and learn a lot. It's a win-win situation.

It's a great program.

[blondeatlast]

6. Thank you--for mentoring and for the info.

The drama is coming at such a bad time; the family was planning on joiniung Mr. in Prague when my son's school let out for summer, but things have changed drastically in our marriage and my son will be 12 this month.

My son has been acting out but seems to be helped by his therapist and the school counselor but he is hoping for Mr. and I to gt back together and the chances are iffy at best now. Coupled with my insecurity he is really struggling.

I believe I'll give them a call. Thanks for sharing your experience; I know that just having another adult to be with will be helpful.

[MineralMan]

7. I doubt you'll be disappointed. It's a great program.

I've met a lot of other people who are mentoring through the program. There's a monthly gathering we can attend. Every single person I've met has been friendly, intelligent, and caring. The usual topic of conversation is our "littles."

When you sign up as a volunteer, they do a complete criminal background check (which you pay for), and extensive interviews that get really personal. I can't see how any people with ugly problems could get past those checks.

They interview the kids and their parent(s) pretty thoroughly, too. The idea is to match up pairings where there are common interests, and life experiences for the mentor that will mesh well.

The idea, and it's stressed very hard, is that the mentors are not there to solve kids' problems, but to be friends and examples. By doing that, there's a building of a relationship that makes it possible, eventually, to get into discussions where some values get exchanged. It's really interesting to see how those relationships develop.

For example, after a few months of getting together, I took our "little" out for a day of fishing on my boat. He was 14 at the time. He seemed a little uncomfortable when we got to the lake, so I asked him, gently, if he was a little afraid of being on the water in the boat. He admitted that he was...something that's hard for 14 year old boys to do. So, we worked out a plan that would keep the boat in shallow enough water that he could stand up in. After about an hour, the fear was gone, and we headed out into deeper water. We caught lots of fish, which was also a first-time experience for him. Now, in the depth of winter, he's all excited about going fishing in the Spring. There's even a real-life fishing tournament in the Summer, just for BBBS clients. Nice prizes, etc. We'll be there.

On the other side, my wife has baked brownies with him, made lunch with him, and now he's talking about maybe being a cook when he grows up. His own mom just doesn't have time to do that stuff...she's working all the time.

I'll bet your son will benefit from this. I can't imagine how he could not.

[Roon]

10. You're wonderful! eom

[MineralMan]

14. Actually, we benefit as much as our little does,

I'm sure. I'm 63 and my wife's 52. We didn't have children. We're close to our nieces and nephews and their children, but having a young lad to mentor is lots of fun. It's a good thing to do, but there are rewards for the big brothers, big sisters, and big couples as well. It's not a hardship at all.

I'd encourage anyone who has the time to get involved with this program. I can't think of a better volunteer opportunity.

There are so many kids growing up in single-parent households that there is a great need for this. We all remember non-family adults who affected our lives, and this is an opportunity to be one of those people who add something to a child's life.

Success stories abound with this program. Little things make huge differences to kids growing up in less than ideal situations. They really do.

[Forkboy]

12. Man, I wish you two had been around when I was a kid.

Hats off to both of you! :toast:

[no name no slogan]

9. I had a Big Brother growing up in the 1970s and 1980s

I first got mine when I was 11 going on 12. And it was a very good experience. He was definitely a good role model, and shaped the person I am today.

Big Brothers don't necessarily substitute for a father, but they provide an adult companion. We didn't do a lot of stuff when we hung out, a lot of times it was just running errands, going out for a pizza, going for a walk, etc. We would go camping once a year during a Big Brother weekend at a local campground, and that was usually pretty fun.

The BB/BS organization does a good job screening potential BBs and BSs. They interview them several times and may even do a background check (I would assume they do these days).

It's a good program and can be good for a kid.

[BeachBaby]

11. I was a "Big Sister" when I was in my early 20s.

Basically, I had to be interviewed, and then background checked (criminal and driving record). After I passed, I was given my "little sister", but before I could take her anywhere, I was interviewed by the grandmother (her dad was gone, mother was in rehab). Once I established what her grandmother was comfortable with, I took my little sister to those places, or sometimes just hung out at my place and played video games or a board game.

It was a very gratifying almost 3 years. No complaints - on my end, anyway. :)

[blondeatlast]

13. Thank you all. I like what I'm hearing about this and will contact our locals. nt