So. When is the last time YOU cooked something that turned out so revolting,

[Dangerously Amused]

...the entire thing ended up in the trash? x(

[no name no slogan]

1. What time is it?

[Dangerously Amused]

2. Ha ha, thanks. That made me smile.

:hi:

[no name no slogan]

15. Let's put it this way: there's a very good reason I don't cook

I'm the type of cook who burns salad. I end up tossing more than I end up eating. :dunce:

[Dangerously Amused]

17. lol.

I'm not that bad. Usually I can cook pretty well, but every once in a blue moon I try to find "creative" ways to use food so I don't waste it, and come up with an utter monstrosity. :scared:

[Inchworm]

3. 4-5 years ago

I was trying to figure out how to make sausage gravy...

The first 2-3 tries were horrible! One was so bad my dog wouldn't eat it, and he eats his own ass!

:rofl:

[Dangerously Amused]

6. Aha! It's a sausage thing!

I tried adding veg sausage to a pre-packaged pasta thing. omg.

[Bertha Venation]

4. I set out to make sauteed chicken and souper rice*

and I came out with steamed chicken and glop. The souper rice used to be one of my favorite things, but for some reason it turned out absolutely tasteless and gloppy, almost runny. I can't imagine what I did wrong. They must've changed soup.

* Souper rice is supposed to be a can of cream-of-whatever soup, prepared, then add a soup can full of instant rice.

[Dangerously Amused]

8. It sounds good. Did you ever make it again after that?

Did it work?

[Bertha Venation]

22. Haven't tried again. This was about a month ago.

I was so discouraged, I don't think I'll ever try it again.

My sister makes what she calls tuna gravy. A can of cream of mushroom soup (less milk or water than usual), add tuna, serve over rice. Very tasty. Cheap eats for the budgety types.

[Dangerously Amused]

27. Oooh, I'm a budgety type!

Which is what got me into this predicament. I was trying to combine two foods that don't really go together but aren't really "stand alone" dishes either, and I didn't have anything else to go with them. Ah well, it's times like these that I miss having a dog around. I mean I love the kitties but they aren't too helpful in the food disposal realm.

[Bertha Venation]

30. Yes, I've heard that dogs'll eat anything.

Chocolate, toothpaste, roach bait . . . ew.

[nickgutierrez]

5. There was this one time...

I made spaghetti, and turned to dump the noodles into the strainer, to get the water out. One way or another, the bottle of dish soap ended up getting knocked into the strainer, full of spaghetti, and (you guessed it) the top was off, so the entire thing got flooded with soap.

:banghead:

[Dangerously Amused]

10. Well, at least you can chalk it up to bad luck.

I have nowhere to assign blame but my own atrocious cooking skillz. :(

[Shell Beau]

7. I've been lucky! Never.

[Dangerously Amused]

11. Lucky? Nah, more like excellent cooking smarts.

[Shell Beau]

13. I wouldn't go that far!!

:P

[SidneyCarton]

9. It's been a while, but I've done it.

[Dangerously Amused]

12. Yeah, it's been a while since I've done it too.

That means it's your turn next.

[SidneyCarton]

19. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Well, there goes the Calzones tonight. :(

[DarkTirade]

14. More recent than I'd like to admit, but at least a couple years ago.

:)

[Dangerously Amused]

20. I had been going on a few years, too...

And now... even chocolate isn't getting the taste of that epicurean abomination out of my mouth. :cry:

[DarkTirade]

23. That bad, huh?

Well if it'll make you feel any better... the first time I ever tried to make ramen noodles, I managed to screw it up.

I'm just THAT talented. :)

[MorningGlow]

16. A couple of years ago

I followed a recipe for cream of mushroom soup, but it was magnificently watery and tasteless. Mr. MG and I tried bravely to eat it, but we couldn't manage more than a bowl each. The rest went down the drain. :puke:

[Dangerously Amused]

25. Huh, that sounds like an ingredient deficiency and not an issue of cooking skill.

Mine, OTOH, was purely a result of brazen foolishness.

But it makes me feel better and not so all alone nonetheless. So, thanks.

:hug:

[Call Me Wesley]

18. Hmm, didn't really land in the trash,

but just remember if you have a lot of spices in clear/unlabeled containers and you can't remember what is what, not all go with rice ... Ewww ...

[Dangerously Amused]

24. Ha ha.

I bet you labeled the containers after that.

[Call Me Wesley]

35. Nope.

I like surprises! :bounce: :bounce: I know one was curry, and the other ... some very, very, very bitter stuff.

[Dangerously Amused]

37. Dude. That second one was the stuff you were supposed to smoke.

[Call Me Wesley]

51. Nah,

that's stored elsewhere. ;)

[Tommy_Carcetti]

21. I once made a Wacki Cake (an old family favorite) but forgot to put the baking soda in it...

....so after putting it in the over and waiting a half hour to cook, I take it out, and it's just this flat, unrisen block of mess. What a waste.

[Dangerously Amused]

29. Yeah, losing a cake is like a double tragedy.

Did you dispose of it properly by leaving it out in the rain...?

[DS1]

26. It was hard to choke down the turkey chili I totally fucked up this week

God, the texture was like eating playdoh. And it was orange. Like, Douchebag orange orange.






How does that happen?

[Dangerously Amused]

32. lol, omg those guys look like teenage oompa loompas.

Yeah but did you throw the turkey chili out? Because mine was THAT bad.

[DS1]

33. No, I had it over some Tostitos

[Dangerously Amused]

34. Brilliant save!

Alas, I think even the venerate Tostito would find this dish a decidedly lost cause.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

28. you need a beagle. beagles think catshit is gourmet cuisine.

nothing you cook is so bad that a beagle wont eat it

:)

[Dangerously Amused]

31. Ha ha! Funny, that was true of my Mom's beagle as well.

And yes, you should venture to the midwest.

[bif]

36. Sauteed scallops with white wine & dijon sauce over pasta

I sort of made up the recipe. It sounded like a good concept and we were so looking forward to eating it. But the combination of flavors sucked big time. We threw it tout and made a big bowl of popcorn.

[Dangerously Amused]

39. The popcorn was a good idea.

I tried to get the taste of my creation out of my mouth with chocolate and then beer (with marginal success). But maybe popcorn would be a better bet, I'm thinking I need something more able to scrape out the inside of my mouth. Hell, maybe a blowtorch at this point.

[SacredCow]

38. I can't recall a time....

Luckily, I've always been able to salvage the mistakes.

But my roommate once decided to make hamburger helper without the hamburger. THAT was not fit for human consumption.

[Dangerously Amused]

41. This was kind of the opposite thing.

A side dish of cheesy pasta, to which I added fake sausage. OMG, that sounds stupid even to type it. :blush:

[SacredCow]

43. Kind of an approximation of Cheeseburger-Macaroni, huh?

But with fake sausage? Yeah, that might not work so well....

[Dangerously Amused]

49. You are kind.

But I'll be honest. It was vomitorial. If that's even a word.

[SacredCow]

50. Using the "fake meat" products is an art form unto itself.....

In all honesty, there was a time I would have tried that. Live and learn!

[AlCzervik]

40. i made brownies once and forgot the eggs, it made a nice pan of lava.

[Dangerously Amused]

42. Yeah I don't know how you would salvage that.

Martha Stewart would probably know how to make furniture polish out of it, or something.

[AlCzervik]

46. you can't, and it kept right on bubbling and making bad sounds that food shouldn't make for about

an hour.

[Dangerously Amused]

48. "...it kept right on bubbling and making bad sounds that food shouldn't make..."

:rofl:

[flvegan]

44. Few years ago I experimented with kale.

I know some folks like it, but to me there is no possible way to make kale taste good.

It didn't go in the trash though. The pups at the time had a nice addition to their breakfast the next morning.

[Dangerously Amused]

47. Yeah, times like these I really miss having a dog around.

I really like the kale side dish at one of my favorite restaurants, but I have no idea how they prepared it and I would hesitate to try it on my own.

[bif]

45. Once, while drinking heavily on a Sunday night...

I made something for lunch the next day. What a surprise. It turned out to be pasta with hummous and parmesan cheese. Funny how most of my stories start out with the phrase: While drinking..."

[Dangerously Amused]

52. Take heart, I can't even blame mine on being drunk.

No, I made this disaster while completely sober. :hangs head:

[Sky Masterson]

53. I mistaking bought and used shredded Velvetta cheese

in lasagna..It was gawd awful
And one time I made biscuits and gravy with vanilla soy milk..:puke:

[Dangerously Amused]

55. Yeah, both of those sound like they would turn out just fine...

I guess that's why we're not chefs, eh?

[NMDemDist2]

54. I actually can't remember

some things are better than others, but it's been DECADES since I had a disaster of those proportions

[Dangerously Amused]

56. Well you're probably safe for another few decades now.

Mine was bad enough for both of us. :(

[NMDemDist2]

58. I'm sorry

:hug:

if it makes you feel any better, Hubby and the Fire Department have an agreement. He doesn't cook and they don't have to come visit.

:evilgrin:

[Renew Deal]

57. When I used oil used to cook fish for brownies

One time when I was younger I cooked brownies. The recipe called for oil. I found a bottle of oil in a cabinet and used it. I tried one of the brownies and noticed it had a strong fish flavor. It was kind of gross. I asked my mom about the oil. She said that it was previously used to cook fish. :puke:

[Dangerously Amused]

60. Eeeeeew.

But again, you can't be faulted when somebody put used oil in the oil container without your knowledge. As opposed to my culinary disaster, which was launched entirely of my own design. x(

[KamaAina]

59. Mom's Ajax(TM) Chili

Back in the late '70s, when times were nearly as tough as now, Mom was making a great big pot of chili. Right next to a pan she had soaking with Ajax(TM). Which she then proceeded to pick up and slosh into the chili.

An entire pound or more of ground beef. Just gone. And it was a luxury for a single mom, certainly then.

It wasn't even Christmas, so we couldn't even go out and get Chinese while the waitstaff sang "Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!"

[Dangerously Amused]

61. Awww. :(

Your poor Mom, I'll bet she was just beside herself. It sounds like you can laugh about it now, though.

[KamaAina]

62. Then there was the time newlywed Mom made Dad some popcorn

this is before I appeared on the scene, but it is the stuff of family legend...

obviously this was many many years before Orville Redenbacher, or even Jiffy Pop, so she used the old-fashioned method with kernels, oil, and a deep pot.

Oh, and a lid? She don't need no stinkin' lid!! :popcorn:

[Dangerously Amused]

63. Ha ha. Reminds me of one of our family stories...

When Mom and Dad were dating, Mom was in the hospital for some reason and Dad brought her a box of his favorite candy. Mom wasn't eating anything but she was polite and opened the box anyway to offer some to Dad. Dad proceeded to consume the entire box of candy during his visit.

[applegrove]

64. I tried to make Tibetan Momos using non wheat flour. I couldn't get the

flour to roll out flat. It was a mess. They got thrown out and deserved it.

[Dangerously Amused]

71. "...and deserved it" :D

:rofl:

I guess you showed THEM!

[applegrove]

85. I've made them before with real flour and they were excellent.

[graywarrior]

65. 3 times a week it's the breakfast oatmeal

It's a tradition now

[Dangerously Amused]

72. Ha. It might be those cool Lennon sunglasses messing you up there.

That, and those early morning distracting thoughts of Alan... Fa chrissake, how the hell is a girl supposed to make decent oatmeal under those conditions?

[graywarrior]

73. Tell me about it.

AND still obsessing over Bob Dylan sex dreams the other night. I'm very pre-occupied and BUSY. So busy. Lots to obsess compulse over.

[hippywife]

88. I have the perfect cure for that!

I promise it's not a rick-roll.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGEUG0srOeI


:hide:






















:rofl:

[Turbineguy]

66. I was in the freezer section at Costco

fondling a double package of some sort of Frozola and an older Lady asked me if that stuff was any good. "If you cook the way I do, yes!"

[Dangerously Amused]

74. I googled "Frozola" and even wiki'd it, but... nothin'

I'm pretty sure I could manage to obliviate with my cooking skillz nonetheless.

[Turbineguy]

86. Frozola

is an "our family language" word. Like "neepa hurds".

But frozola rhymes with crapola if that's any assistance.

I share these things as a public service in an effort to educate the huddled masses.

[yellowdogintexas]

67. Super Bowl Sunday, actually. Baked the crust for a fruit pizza and the oven

was set on broil from the steak I made the night before and the entire huge `14" sugar cookie went in the trash.

[Dangerously Amused]

75. Nooooooo! Not the gigantic cookie!

:cry:

See? There is no god. A good and loving god would never allow tragedies of that magnitude.

[yellowdogintexas]

81. I agree. Fortunately I had time to get another roll of sugar cooky dough and get

the thing done. LOL I bought 2, in case I messed up yet again.


The fruit pizza wasn't very good, the creamy filling was blah. Used a WW recipe and it just didn't have any flavor.

Should have made the hummus pita appetizer pizzas instead.

[Xipe Totec]

68. I dunno; it has to be pretty bad for me not to eat it.

I've eaten cold Wolf brand chili over cold rice...

So, I'd have to say never...

Although my grandmother cooked breakfast for me once, that I wish I could have thrown out without offending her (scrambled eggs with so much salt, they were gritty).

[Dangerously Amused]

77. Yeah, I'm with you on that one.

I pretty much have an iron stomach and I hate wasting food. Too much salt though... that is one thing that would make me give it up.

[JTG of the PRB]

69. It's been about 3 or 4 years.

I've only ever done something so badly that I had to toss it all out once, but it was a doozy.

I was making baked brie and bread (you hollow out a loaf of shepherd's bread, coat the bread bowl and the bread pieces with a garlic/olive oil mix, then chop up some soft brie cheese and toss it in the oven until the cheese is melty and the bread is nicely toasted).

Somehow, that time I forgot the key step of making sure the cheese was soft (I.e., not refrigerated for a couple of hours). I put the cheese in there cold, and stuck it in the oven. Well, the cheese, being cold and not soft, refused to melt properly, so after baking the thing for twenty minutes longer than I should have, the bread was dark brown and crunchy and the cheese was only partially melted. Not gooey and warm at all.

I had a few bites before I realized I couldn't eat that abomination. I tossed the damn thing. I was disappointed in myself, but I've never made that mistake again!

[Dangerously Amused]

76. Your Brie Bread sounds deLISH!

Well, when prepared correctly anyway. :) I will have to try it one of these days. :runs off wondering what veg cheese would work best...

[Ikonoklast]

70. I had a pan of biscuits in the oven, and fell asleep.

If you accept incinerating food to the point it looks like clinkers from a coking oven when you finally pull it out of the oven...

[Dangerously Amused]

78. I am notorious for falling asleep while stuff is cooking.

Luckily so far I have only wrecked a bunch of food, and not burned the house down.

:blush:

[alphafemale]

79. There's a reason there is no such thing as turkey dishes in Chinese restaurants.

Trust me on this.

[Dangerously Amused]

80. Wow, you singlehandedly made that happen?

Heh.

:hi:

[alphafemale]

82. I think I may have warped the Space/Time Continuum.

:rofl:

[Lyric]

83. About 5 years ago. I was making a homemade cheesecake.

Unfortunately, I didn't realize that Rhythm had purchased "Jumbo" sized eggs rather than "Large." The recipe called for 5 whole eggs plus several extra egg yolks, so the size difference had the unfortunate effect of making my cheesecake taste like egg pie. We bravely tried to eat it, and gave up. The whole thing (and 2 days worth of work) was unceremoniously tossed into the trash.

[Dangerously Amused]

84. Awwwww, cheesecake? Say it ain't so!

:cry:

But I laud you for the effort, and but for the misunderstanding it would have been perfect I bet. Me, I would never even attempt cheesecake. :scared:

[LadyoftheRabbits]

87. Ooh, I'll play!

I tried to make Rice a Roni exactly as the instructions said. I burned it. Horribly. It was this nasty black mess in the pot and it stank so badly, I almost gagged. x(

[lizerdbits]

89. The last time I tried using a crock pot

Everything I make in that looks like vomit and tastes bad. Not my forte I guess which is odd since it's pretty easy.

Edited "cock pot" to crock pot. :rofl: