He's just not that into me...or is he?

[Cassandra]

Ok, I need some male advice. I met this man at a party in November. He called three days later (very good!) and we made a date for the next week because I was too busy that week. We had a very nice date; 3 and a half hours with wine and tapas. We like the same wine. He was quite specific (w/o being vulgar) that he prefers my shape to the skinny women most men he knows are looking for. He said he didn't want a younger woman because he finds them boring (we seem close to the same age although I'm sure he thinks I'm younger because everyone thinks so). He likes my smile and thinks I'm interesting and fun to talk to. He is the first man I've been with in quite a while that I am looking forward to getting to know better because he is also interesting.
So he called about ten days later and apologized for the delay and continued on a joke that started on our date. He let me know his complete schedule for the holidays; family, a very intense work week the first week of the year and then out of the country for a week. He said he'd call when he got back. He didn't call for a week after I thought he'd be back and I admit to driving myself a bit crazy. Then he called the next week, just as I'd given him up for dead and apologized again that he'd been sick for a week and had lost his voice. I reminded him very gently that he has my email and he said he forgot that (that's ok, men forget). We had a nice talk for about a half hour and then he said he had a meeting and would call me up at the end of the week and set up another date. He hasn't called in 2 weeks. He has a very demanding job in finance, so he might be a bit distracted but it's not all that flattering that he seems not to be thinking of me at all.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH THIS MAN???!!!???

Thanks for your help.

[RadiationTherapy]

1. I am not sure, but would not be optimistic at all.

Also, there are these weird "(very good!)" and "(that's ok, men forget)" parenthetical comments that would send me off for sure. Anything even remotely "head pattish" or "men-do-these-things" are going to trigger me for sure.

Anyhow, if he was digging you he would call. When you dig someone, you can't wait to call.

[Cassandra]

5. I wasn't trying to be patronizing.

I use a lot of parenthetical comments when I'm typing. I was just trying to indicate that I thought his initial timing was perfect and that I believed him when he said he forgot my email. Once he programmed my number into his cell, he probably put my card away and didn't think to look at it.

[RadiationTherapy]

15. I am more concerned about your being accidentally patronizing while on a date.

I hear those comments slip all the time, though it is usually gender reversed.

[Cassandra]

17. I'm not, actually. I give great first date.

He made a joke about the timing. He said, well he waited three days but should it have been three business days? I laughed and said three days was perfect.

[Phentex]

2. I'm thinking no...

He could be very, very busy but that means he's too busy for you. Telling you his schedule like that might be a gentle way of letting you know he's just TOO busy for you. I would find that very odd.

You can do better.

[Cassandra]

8. It sounded like he was including me in his life...

as much as he could with someone he barely knows. He also said he would be traveling again briefly in February or March, as if it would actually matter to me by then.
He does have a major league important job.

[DeepBlueC]

3. not gender specific advice ...

Don't push the river; it flows by itself.

[Fire Walk With Me]

4. He'd change his schedule to make room for you

and not expect to add you to his schedule.

Kosh: "Impudence!"

[MajorChode]

6. Sounds like he's married

[Cassandra]

10. I asked him and he said no.

No tan line on ring finger, no ring.
I would be surprised if he wasn't married at some point, but he's been all over the world working his way up to the job he has now, so maybe he didn't make time for marriage.
I don't tend to attract married men.

[MajorChode]

16. I wouldn't expect him to say yes

Some guys also just don't wear a ring or they wear an oversized one and take it off often.

That's just my impression when you described him. It sounds as if he is interested, but stringing you along for whatever reason. In other words he is only staying in contact just enough to keep you from completely writing him off. So he's probably preoccupied with someone else. Just my $0.02 worth, but probably not what you wanted to hear.

[LisaL]

31. Maybe he's got a girlfriend.

[Cassandra]

33. A possibility, I suppose.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

55. thats exactly what i thought. married or otherwise taken. nt

[Nickster]

7. You could give him a call or an email, no? Maybe he's afraid that you aren't that in to him.

[Cassandra]

11. I don't have his email but I'm thinking of calling him...

at the end of the weekend, well after Valentine's day.

[Shell Beau]

9. I hate to be Debbie Downer here, but I think he either has someone else

or just wants to hang with you at his convenience. Which means he is into you, but not so into you that he is willing to make time.

I hope I am wrong. I hate games though.

[Cassandra]

14. I hate games, too.

I was thinking that he just wanted to have someone to talk to after work before going home (he seems to have dinner out every weeknight, usually with colleagues from work) but really, I'm not holding a gun to his head, so if he's not into me, why does he bother to call?
He actually seems to accommodate my schedule, at least he did the first time. I'd just like to have a second date so I can see if I'd like a third.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

12. Look at what you wrote -

it's a very nice story, written from your viewpoint, naturally.

But, what struck me - I'm not a man, by the way, but I hope you'll still let me play - was that you didn't mention one thing you liked about this man, save for a rather offhand reference that you both like the same wine and that he was "interesting," a word that damns with faint praise.

You are only reacting to how he treats you.

That's not good.

You're passive. You're waiting. You "admit to driving myself a bit crazy."

Over a man with whom you had one date?

Honey, he sounds either taken or married, but whatever his game is, it's not for your benefit.

Kiss him goodbye and be glad you got away before it went further. I rather doubt, though, that it was going to go further.

Someone posted here that if he were into you, he couldn't wait to call. That's an excellent bit of truth. Hard to take, but, in the end, a whole lot safer.

My old Italian grandfather used to tell me, in his Sardinian dialect, which I understood back then, "It's better to be alone than to be in bad company."

My nonno was a smart man.

The answer to your question is "Nothing is going on with that man."

You deserve someone who's crazy about you. Nothing less.

[MajorChode]

18. I'm not sure about going crazy over someone

You deserve someone who's crazy about you. Nothing less.

That's just not some people's nature. Generally going crazy over someone is more about passion than love. Certainly there's nothing wrong with passion, but it does tend to wane over time. Love is what sometimes remains when passion has subsided and many people mistake one for the other only to find out the hard way that they aren't.

[Cassandra]

20. Since we both are in our 50s...

I'm not sure what crazy about me should look like. He's also an executive in a very conservative business, so he may be naturally more restrained. Although I didn't mention it before, he's also British, which may make a difference.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

22. I didn't mean "crazy" literally -

I harken back to a wise woman I once met who said it was always good for him to be a bit more in love with you than you were with him.

Now, she didn't mean that literally - as if such things could be measured - but you get the drift.

In my experience, going "crazy" over someone or something is wanting more of it, wanting to have it whenever possible, wanting to know all about it. It doesn't mean having a psychotic break or whatever crazy might mean to you. It's how good friendships begin, as well as good romances. In my world, that kind of energy - which I called "crazy about you" is indicative of an enthusiasm upon which so much can be built.

John Updike was crazy about Ted Williams, but I doubt there was ever any frothing at the mouth.

I'm crazy about freshly squeezed orange juice, and have been my whole life.

Keith Olbermann is crazy about sports, as evidenced by his brilliant career as a sport commentator before moving into current events.

As for passion, that's a tricky word. Check the origin of that word, and then consider how you used it. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but I still knew what you meant.

You meant "crazy."

[Cassandra]

26. I meant I was really confused...

because, after our date, I was quite sure he was more into me than I was into him, so I spent some time wondering if I was likely to find him sexy and discovered that I could. He's not my physical "type" but that was set when I was 10-12 and I try not to let my inner tween pick my potential partners any more.
What's confusing to me is that, when he calls, he seems to really want to be talking to me and looking forward to seeing me again, and then, silence. He'd said on our date that he didn't like to be the only one calling, so maybe he meant that. Maybe he's not into games any more than I am.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

28. Honey,

if you have to wonder if you're attracted to someone, you're already selling yourself a bill of goods, and that's never going to go anywhere.

This man, the more you tell about him, sounds like the perfect sociopath - charming, seductive, and dangerous. Look at the spot you're in now, and all he's done is not call. He's set you up over and over and you haven't even had a second date. Right now, you have no way of knowing if you'll ever hear from him again.

Screw that.

That's not good.

And that line about not being the only one calling - what was that? That you were supposed to call him? Whoa, boy. That's a beauty, giving him the absolute freedom he obviously wants - he can always say "Well, you could have called me," but I'll bet you dollars to donuts that if you called him, you'd get VoiceMail, no matter when you called, and I wonder what his story would have been when he didn't call back for two weeks.

There are fish in the sea, honey. If he was the Real Deal, and he liked you, he'd have called you and wanted to see you again. All this talk about "schedules" is just nonsense. If I want to see someone, I find a way. So would you.

Make him history. He's bad news.

[Cassandra]

38. I have to say that your description...

"charming, seductive, and dangerous" makes me laugh. He actually seemed socially rather awkward beyond being gentlemanly enough to pay. He wasn't seductive but rather earnestly trying to impress me. Dangerous? Well, I guess that's always a possibility.
I am feeling better right now. Thanks.

[janx]

64. "I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that if you called

him, you'd get VoiceMail, no matter when you called"

:rofl:

I've had this experience even when I told a guy the day I'd call him, to which he said, "Cool." I got voice mail, and then I got a very weird cyber note of indignation from him telling me that I'd called him FIVE TIMES--when he was on a date! He said it freaked him out. At first I thought I was crazy--had I been drunk? But no, I checked my phone. One call, thirty or forty seconds.

Was he stoned? Paranoid? Or was he just another one of those people practicing dishonesty?

There's much more to this very bizarre story, but your point about the voice mail just made me laugh. :hi: It's spot on.

[Cassandra]

67. I actually have called him a couple of times...

to clarify something and did get voicemail but he called back and was calm and responsive to my question, so I guess we can rule out drugs. :-)

[janx]

68. You probably can, yes, but the situation that

Tangerine LaBamba mentioned about voice mail happens. It's classic, in fact. I'm glad it didn't happen in your case.

[crimsonblue]

79. For whatever reason, us guys always let women go through to voicemail

Or at least, all my friends and I do. I'm not sure why I, myself, do it, but it's probably some nervousness or being caught in the wrong situation. I don't really want to be out drinking beers and chomping on cigars and talk to a girl that called. :P

[janx]

81. But why would a guy who previously gave me his

number freak out and say that I called him five times?! I'm not a rude person. I wouldn't do that!

Come to think of it, though, there was some nervousness involved--and then what seemed like paranoia with the "five calls" comment.

I might PM you later, because this is interesting. I have to go to a concert now though. I hope to catch you later. :hi:

[Withywindle]

40. If you have to ask yourself if you could possibly find him sexy...

..sounds to me like YOU'RE not that really into HIM. If you really wanted him, you'd know it right away. Are you really into him, or are you just into the idea of having a man, any man?

If it's the latter, find someone YOU'RE really into.

[Cassandra]

43. To be clear...

just looking for someone who turns me on immediately is not all I'm looking for in a long-term relationship and I have found that men that I find hot are not necessarily good for me. Additionally, I have had the experience of finding a man sexy, who initially was not, so I know that what's sexy is not simply contained in his hotness and my hormones. Being treated well (as I was initially), kindness, thoughtfulness, intelligence and wit, as well as being considered sexually desirable are all sexy to me. I thought I had a promising beginning and was looking forward to finding out more about who this man is. Maybe I'll get to find out, although that's looking unlikely.

[MajorChode]

42. What I assumed you meant was...

"crazy" with passion.

The word "passion" as I used it, is not all that complicated if you think about it. When two people meet it is usually passion that sustains the relationship through the initial stage. This is quite natural. The problem many people have is when passion wanes, there is no underlying love to continue to sustain the relationship so either perpetual discontent or separation results. However, some people just aren't capable of either feeling or expressing passion and this is particularly true of some older adults. That doesn't mean they aren't capable of feeling love or forming lasting relationships.

So when you say one person should be "crazy" about the other, I'm saying that's not a bad thing to have happen, but I'm also saying it's not necessarily a requirement for a strong relationship.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

65. Passion

Remember when I said to go check out the roots of that word?

You should do it. You'll be very surprised at how its use today goes so far away from the word's origin - and how it might, if you put enough gloss on the meaning you want it to have, it might not have gone very far away at all.

We both knew what I meant. I just don't understand why it became an issue.

[Cassandra]

84. Suffering...

due to outside influences?

[Cassandra]

19. To me interesting means...

someone who's likely to be able to talk about a range of topics beyond his job and sports.
He was a complete gentleman and paid like a prince; just handed his credit card over for the duration. No negotiating with me, no expecting me to pay, no preening. I felt beautifully taken care of and that's quite a change from most men I meet. I completely agree with your last line but even finding a man who's looking for a woman with my body type can seem to take a long time.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

24. I understand, I really do......................

You sound really hungry for that kind of attention, and, when these dry spells hit, yeah, we tend to focus on one person like we're a laser with legs.

But, the idea that the guy paid and didn't make a pass at you is what you should expect on a first date.

Your last line gives you away yet again - "... finding a man ..."

Here's what I know from far too many years on this earth and either being part of the scene or helping friends through the scene, and that is you can't "find" and "looking" doesn't work. Not to say you should live cloistered, because that's not it at all.

It's that brilliant line from John Lennon: "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." You live your life and do everything - everything. Get out there and meet everyone and see what happens. Instead of fretting over someone else's schedule, have your own and let a man chase you to get you to fit him into your life.

Your standards need to be higher, and you must not - hear me, now - you must not put yourself in this kind of position. You're waiting for a call and, two weeks later, there's no call? That's the answer. If you were my daughter, I'd be ordering you a new phone with a different number so that man could never reach you again - his bad behavior tells me he doesn't deserve you, not by a long shot.

And, keep in mind that, in reality, you don't know anything about this man except what he told you, and you have no way of knowing if what he told you was true. I'm an old lawyer who's just cynical enough to urge you to hold a little back and let things unfold.

There's another great old line: "Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear."

You seem like a really sweet lady, and you have to be impressed by more than a man who picks up the tab. You deserve better.

Sorry for preaching at you, but, as I said, you do seem quite special.

[Cassandra]

27. I'm really not just sitting around...

except for now. I've been going out and meeting new friends and old ones. I'm in several meetup groups plus meeting with DailyKos people and people in my neighborhood. I just got myself into looking forward to dating and seeing where this would go with someone who doesn't have a bug up his ass about my weight (I'm a size 14, BTW, which in NYC is definitely not in fashion).

[Tangerine LaBamba]

29. You're healthy and that's what matters -

there are lots of size 14s in NYC, and they're happy. My publisher is a big girl, and she's been married three times - although the first two were really idiotic youthful acts that didn't last long. The man she's married to now, he's great, and they've been together for more than ten years.

Stop putting yourself down and get out there and do one thing. Just one thing, which is the only obligation you have to yourself - quit worrying about The Man and HAVE FUN.

[Cassandra]

32. As a friend's guru used to say...

no appointment, no disappointment.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

13. Don't wait around for this guy.

If he can't make time for you, move on. He has his plate full right now.

[Cassandra]

21. Thanks everybody for your help.

I gave everyone a heart. :loveya:

[Tangerine LaBamba]

25. I was right.........

You ARE special.

Thank you for the heart, honey.

Keep us posted.............................

[tilsammans]

23. "If he doesn't call, he doesn't care" . . .

. . . is my motto. Even the busiest guys will call if they care for you. They'll find the time. AND they will make the next date when they call. They'll want to take you off the market.

In this case, I don't necessarily think think he's married. You're just not top tier in his mind.

You sound like a wonderful, fun, attractive woman. You deserve a great guy who IS just that into you. :)

[Cassandra]

30. Thanks.

[rug]

34. What with the bailout and all he's been very busy.

[Cassandra]

36. His bank isn't part of the bailout but...

he may be wondering where his bonus is.

[begin_within]

35. Never make someone a priority if they won't make you a priority.

And he's not making you a priority, so...

[emilyg]

39. Good advice.

[Sky Masterson]

59. Or as this one goes

"Never make someone your everything if all you are to them is an option"

[Cassandra]

63. He isn't my everything...

and I'm out and about. I was just trying to find out why someone who might not be into me would keep calling at all. What's he getting out of it? I made it clear I don't do quickies (not that he was pressuring me for one) and he doesn't seem inherently cruel, so I was looking for suggestions on what the point might be. I'd be happy to have a bunch of guys on a string right now and be picking from among them but my string is more bare than I'd like.

[Sky Masterson]

66. Who knows what goes on in the minds of people.

All anybody here can really tell you is what they would do.
I wouldn't stand someone up like that were I him.It's inconsiderate.
I hope (if not this person) that you find someone worthy of your love.

[Arugula Latte]

37. I'll just echo what others have said ... Doesn't look good for this relationship.

I'd say, don't have any expectations about this man and your future together. Sorry. :(

[Skittles]

41. this man is treating you like crap

lose him already

[crispini]

44. Yep, what THEY said...

fughedabouthim..... :hug:

[Chan790]

45. Define major-league important finance job...

as much as you can without giving away revealing details.

I ask because my roommate, C, is a Senior Business Analyst (reporting to a VP who reports to the CEO. The CEO not only knows C's name, "they lunch") for a very major finance (corporation-to-corporation credit-insurance lines) company on Wall Street and in the last month her required work hours (and mind you she's on salary) have increased from 40 to 45 to 80 to 90/week with no pay-increase (and she has to come in on Saturdays)...if she wants to keep her job, she's required to accept that unconditionally. There are 1000+ kids in NYC who graduated from MBA programs at Wharton (or NYU or Columbia or Fordham) last year who would take her job in a minute because most of them are working at Starbucks or K-Mart waiting for their job-market to un-seize. They, in turn, displace other people from those retail jobs. It's the trickle-down effect of job availability.

If his situation is anything like hers (and it might be, this is an industry-wide sort of pain) he may have met you, liked you then realized he doesn't have time to date you after his work-life suddenly went to crap. By giving you his schedule, he's trying to make it known that he's trying to fit you in...if I were him and that was in fact the situation, I'd appreciate the effort on your part to keep in touch and if I were no longer interested, I'd let you know.

Edit: I get told a lot that I'm a "sweetie" and "special" though so my behavior is not necessarily the norm.

[Cassandra]

46. He's a managing director..

of a major foreign bank. I don't think they're keeping him there for longer hours (although that's possible) but he said that by the time he gets to the weekend, he's barely able to get up in the morning. He seems to have been doing his job well (they're not going under) but I'm sure there's a lot of available talent floating around right now, even at his level.

And thanks, BTW, for your input. I gave you a heart. :-)

[Maine-ah]

47. this guy sounds exactly like one of my sister's on/off boyfriend

he's in finance too, and does exactly the same thing to her. Wined and dined, took her to Florida for a weekend, and uses similar excuses when he's been out of touch for a while. He's still married, but separated from his wife....

I told her to forget about him. I wouldn't tell you the same thing only because I don't know you. Good luck with it though. :hi:

[Cassandra]

49. Well, I wouldn't go off for a weekend...

with a separated but still married man.
There is no shortage of excessively "entitled" men in NYC, who went after the big bucks for the purpose of being shitty with it (although some of them have had quite a shock of late) but this guy seemed more unsure of himself socially than that. I met my share of Harvard men in my college days ("It's a privilege to sleep with a Harvard man"), so I know the type well enough. I certainly have more questions for him if I ever get the chance to ask; has he ever been married, any kids, and just generally wanting to know how he got to where he is and what has it taken out of him? Is he someone with integrity or did that go by the wayside on the way up? The money is certainly nice but is he someone I can respect if the money is suddenly not there?

[old mark]

48. I agree with Skittles. This is excuses. If he were really interested,

he would have you on his mind, no matter WHAT!

I'm sorry, but move on and forget it.

mark

[Cassandra]

50. I do like how many nice men are on this board.

;-)

[tilsammans]

60. Thank you for the heart!

And yes, there are a lot of nice men on this board.

And to all of them: Attention! Here's a smart, interesting, attractive NYC woman. What are you waiting for? Step up! :pals:

[Cassandra]

62. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww

:blush:

[tilsammans]

72. Please don't call him, GF

I have a gut feeling you'll feel even worse if you do.

[Dangerously Amused]

51. I see two possibilities here:

1. He isn't the guy for you, for whatever reason. Most people here seem to agree with this option. Granted we know only a few details in writing and from one side of the equation, but still... this tends to be a very savvy bunch, and a good place to come for advice. So... if he isn't the guy for you, forget him and move on; the sooner the better.

2. He is the guy for you, BUT... this isn't a good time for him to have a relationship. In that case he isn't having a serious relationship with anybody, so accept the fact that he is going to keep you at a distance and move on with your life until his time and priorities get straightened out. Which is to say, don't make him a priority in your life until he is willing/able to make you a priority in his life.

Safest route? Hope for the best (option 2) but presume the worst (option 1). Either way, move on with your life. Trust me: regardless of how this plays out, your independence will make him respect you more.

Good luck.

[MrPerson]

52. He could be in trouble at his job.

That usually kills any idea of romance.

[Schema Thing]

53. I hope this doesn't sound harsh

but your post if full of excuses. Excuses for why he could/should "be into you", and excuses for why he doesn't seem to be.

You need someone who is appropriately into you. It doesn't matter if they find models/actresses attractive; in fact, you can assume most men are lying if they say they don't. What matters is if they find YOU sexually attractive (and not just enough for a quickie). It doesn't matter if they think younger women are boring; in fact you can (at 50) assume they are lying when they say that. I matters that they find YOU interesting and attractive.

[Shakespeare]

54. Nicely said. And the OP also sounds more concerned with meeting his standards...

...than with making sure he meets HER standards. Cassandra, you sound like a lovely, funny woman to be with. Do NOT sell yourself short, and don't settle.

I think you can (and should) do better! :hi:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

57. yeah. exactly. nt

[Cassandra]

58. The alternative to giving him some breathing room...

on why he's not acting perfectly seems to be acting like a demanding, unforgiving bitch, which would make me like my mother. She certainly got all she wanted materially but she has always been deeply ungrateful for all of it and has put us all through her particular hell.
I don't accept any old excuse from men but he is in a demanding finance job and we are in a global, financial meltdown, so I am willing to cut him a bit of slack. Clearly, my personal magnetism should trump concerns about a possible depression ;-) but we are in an unusual time.
I have heard from several men (including my own brother) that dating a woman half your age isn't all it's cracked up to be if you want to be able to have a good conversation. In fact, he was saying that he did find me interesting and attractive. He was contrasting his preferences to those of the men he works with, who all are vying for the hottest, highest maintenance, model babes available.
I think I will call him in a day or two and find out what's up and if he actually wants another date. If he's vague I'll just have to move on.

[WinkyDink]

71. DO. NOT. CALL. Is that clear enough?! You will hate yourself, no matter WHAT the result.

If he says, "Okay", you will wonder, "So then WTH didn't he CALL ME and ASK me?!"

If he says, "Mumble, mumble", you will think, "Then WTH did he TOY with me?!"

Nope. DO. NOT. CALL.

[Shakespeare]

82. This is the best advice.

Seriously, don't call. If he's interested, he'll call. If he isn't, he won't, and then you have the answer to your question.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

56. i dont trust men who talk about not liking models/young women on a first date

it's like they are trying to tell you, you are attractive while still mentioning that you are not the societal standard of attractiveness. it's as if they want you to feel bad yet relieved at the same time

i find it manipulative. i don't like to be manipulated.


also, the calls-delays-excuses etc follow a pattern of one who is manipulating you.

i would assume he is taken in some form.

[TK421]

61. I'm not sure about this guy...

I mean, it seems like he made the effort to keep in touch with you, but he kind of took his time doing it ( not calling for a couple of weeks is never a good thing anyway ). I would keep looking if I were you...it kind of sounds like there is quite a bit going on with him that he isn't telling you about, and it could be as simple as him being married to his job

For what it's worth :shrug:

[WinkyDink]

69. I would be "very busy" the next COUPLE of times he called. Because I'd bet he's got some other dames

he's "too busy" for, when he is communicating with you.

[sniffa]

70. The guy's married and has to work around that

[hippywife]

74. BINGO!

Been there, done that. Know what the pattern looks like. It was my first thought after reading the OP and wanted read through and notice if anyone else picked up on it.

[sniffa]

78. Yeah, sorry about stringing you along like that

Bi-Baby will kill me if she finds out about us.

[hippywife]

80. Ha!

Sorry, sweetie, but you're way too young for me and not my type at all. :rofl:

[Zavulon]

73. On the first date, he gets very specific about

your body type and tells you everything someone in your chair would want to hear. Then all of a sudden interest wanes.

My guess? He was attempting to get laid that very night, and when it didn't happen he moved on to easier "targets."
By the way, "family, a very intense work week the first week of the year and then out of the country for a week" is exactly the sort of thing I used to use when I was no longer interested in someone and hoped she'd stop calling.

Move on, miss. You're wasting your time with this one.

[MorningGlow]

75. Jumping in a little late...

but I can't resist. So far the responses on this thread say more about the posters than they do about you or your date. Don't let other people's past experiences color yours--only you and your guy know the truth of the situation. Everybody else is just guessing blindly (and applying rather shocking attributes to you, the guy, and the situation, groundlessly).

Look, you said you weren't a young'un anymore. So you know what to do: Instead of asking us, ask him. You can be straightforward and not lose face--you're both adults, so you'd probably both appreciate a lack of game-playing and coyness. Try something along the lines of "Hey, are you having a rough time lately--no time to socialize? I don't want to call you too often, but then you don't call me. If you don't have time to date, I'm okay with it--just let me know."

Simplistic? Maybe. Too optimistic? Perhaps. But worth a try--at least then he'll either tell you the truth or, if he's lying, you'd be able to pick up on it. :shrug:

Best of luck, in any case! :hi:

[Cassandra]

83. Mostly people speak themselves...

their experiences and expectations, and I knew when I asked I'd have to weigh what was said against what I'd experienced (as well as my own expectations, frankly). I do know that if I call it should only be if I'm in a calm space to be able to hear whatever it is w/o making myself sad (since only I have the power to do that to myself; he does not).
Thank you. You were so sweet, I gave you a heart. :-)

[hippywife]

76. Really, Cassandra...

Sniffa said the first thing that crossed my mind after reading your OP. I seriously think he's married. I've been in the same situation before and the only advice I have for you is to run the other direction. No matter how interesting he seems and even if there's nothing going on for you otherwise, it just ain't worth it.

:hug:

[crimsonblue]

77. The guy's married. n/t

[amitten]

85. My first impression was "married" as well--not sure why.

That's just what my instinct tells me.

But even if he's single, if you're having to second-guess him or feel he doesn't have much time for you, that is unlikely to change even if you become involved. And then you'll be feeling this way over and over again throughout the relationship. I think you deserve better!

[NashVegas]

86. Don't Know, Don't Worry About It

Talk to your friends. Go to the movies. Do some stuff, just don't waste time wondering.

It sounds like he's yanking you around. Even if he doesn't mean to and he's a nice guy, he's still yanking you around.

If he calls you again and *doesn't* set up a date, at the end of the conversation, gently, nicely tell him that you're moving on and it might be best if he doesn't call again.

Do not call him. Do not call him.

If it's important for him to see you again, he will make that his #1 priority. He hasn't.

Let him go. Move on to someone who is worthy of your time and imagination.