i'm really depressed

[malta blue]

i haven't slept through the night in over a week

i just sit and cry all day at work in my cubicle

i have had cereal every night for dinner - with a glass of wine - for the past four days

i turn 40 two weeks from today

life stinks

[TZ]

1. ...

aww sweetie..there seems to be an awful lot of this lately..:hug:
edit: I'm had depression issues from time to time so I know how it is..If you want to chat just PM me.

[malta blue]

6. thanks

:hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

2. ...

:hug:

And check your pm in a minute or two.

[malta blue]

7. replied

:hug::hug:

[Cabcere]

3. Awww

:hug: I'm sorry things aren't going well for you, mb. Sending hugs and good vibes your way, and of course my PM box is open if you wanna talk. :pals: :grouphug:

[malta blue]

8. thank you

:hug:

i really appreciate it.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My dear malta blue...

Aw, sweetie...

Hugs for you!:hug: :hug:

What's the matter? Is it the divorce? Plus all the other bad things that have happened lately?

Sounds to me as though you could use a really good therapist, to help you get past the depression...

I know turning 40 looks old to you...but you know, it's really not...

You are stronger than all this shit!

Please take care of yourself, and know that I've got your back...

:hug: :hug:

[malta blue]

9. thanks peggy

:hug:

no, the 40 is not old, it's just i feel it is a milestone and i am alone.

and my new insurance does not cover therapy :banghead:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

12. Ah, of course!

And this all just sucks...

I'm so sorry, sweetie...

:hug:

[Shell Beau]

5. Please feel better!

:hug:

[malta blue]

11. thanks Shell

so you wanna pm me the name of the person who called you an asshole? i could vent it out on them...

:hug:

[Shell Beau]

15. Check your PM!

[SidneyCarton]

10. ...

:hug:

[malta blue]

20. thank you

:hug:

[XemaSab]

13. That sucks

:pals:

[malta blue]

21. thanks xema

:hug::pals:

[redqueen]

14. Aw mb...

life really does stink sometimes... I'm sorry you're feeling so blue...

:pals:

[malta blue]

22. thanks redqueen

I am hoping it will pass soon :hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

16. Aw, honey. Can I help?

:hug:

[malta blue]

23. not unless you can magically make me a divorcee

AND provide me with a cabana boy to entertain me, AND make the sun shine....well you get the drift...

Good news is my brother is doing really well :D

[blueraven95]

17. ...

:hug:

[malta blue]

24. thanks

:hug:

[MorningGlow]

18. .

:hug: :hug: :hug:

It's a little-known fact that cereal for dinner has therapeutic qualities. (I went through a period where it was either that or a giant bowl of popcorn every night.)

Seriously--it'll get better, MB. Especially when spring finally arrives. This is a dark part of the year. :(

On edit: speling

[malta blue]

26. thankfully the days are getting longer and

i no longer leave and get home in the dark - its miserable to spend all the daylight hours in a cubicle.

:hug:

And I love cereal for dinner for the most part.

this funk sucks.

[grace0418]

35. I heard that. The one thing that keeps me from despair over losing my job right

before Christmas is the fact that I don't have to spend all the daylight hours in a windowless, filthy, gray cubicle. Well, that, and the fact that I loathed that job. Still, some freelance clients would come in handy right about now.

Anyway, MB, I'm sorry you're going through a rough patch. This has certainly been an horrible winter for most everyone. Here's a :hug: and a wish for brighter days ahead.

[malta blue]

36. thank you

:hug:

My job is less than satisfying right now too :(

[Strong Atheist]

19. Sorry about that. Sometimes, if you can just make it past a really bad spot,

things get better...:hug:

[malta blue]

28. seems like i have had my fair share of rough spots lately

between the divorce and the burglary, the ice storms, ick :cry:

I know this will end one day, but it cant get here soon enough for me.

[auntAgonist]

25. hey mb

I'm really sorry you're having such a hard time of it. Can you get to the Dr and have a complete physical exam and perhaps a referral to a therapist who might help you? :hug: Depression can be caused by so many different things. Please, please take care of yourself. I hope you feel better.

I care.

:hug:
kesha

[malta blue]

30. the new insurance i have is really bad

and if we are sick we have to pay a deductible. if we are well (and waste the dr's time) it is just a co-pay. And the therapy falls under the "sick" so I have to pay 1200 out of pocket before it gets covered :banghead: I mean, I need therapy but really? $1200?

I spoke with my doc yesterday (I have his home number - he rocks) and he told me to just hang in there - that it is probably SADD - and it will get better soon. I am already on anti-depressants/fibromyalgia meds.

[AirmensMom]

27. Aw, mb, I'm sorry.

:hug: Sometimes life really does stink. I hope things look up for you soon. :hug: :grouphug:

[malta blue]

31. thanks airmensmom

:hug:

[lightningandsnow]

29. Oh, honey.

It sucks. But it gets better, trust me.

I'm here for you.

:hug:

[malta blue]

32. thanks

:hug:

how is that boy who was injured in the subway?

[lightningandsnow]

I think he's doing okay.

He had a couple of surgeries done on his foot, but from what I've heard, he's doing quite well, and he's going to be more or less alright. :hug:

[malta blue]

34. that is good news

What a scary thing to happen to such a young person :scared:

[lightningandsnow]

33. I think he's doing okay.

He had a couple of surgeries done on his foot, but from what I've heard, he's doing quite well, and he's going to be more or less alright. :hug:

[raccoon]

37. Sorry to hear that.

Hope things get better for you. :hug:

As far as the birthday, I've been happier in my 40's and 50's than when I was younger.

[malta blue]

39. oh, i don't sweat the aging - i just wish i was had someone

to share it with.

[raccoon]

41. Me too, especially since my parents are gone now. nt

[jobycom]

38. That sucks. Now, kick it's ass.

Here's something I did for a while. Find an online sticky note program and put positive encouragements to yourself on your desktop every day. Remind yourself of how many people began their life after 40. (Henry Miller published his first novel at 44--he was a beggar before that). Stuff like that. Set a goal. Not a lot of goals, and not "Win an Oscar by 2012." Little stuff, like "Give up cokes (or whatever you feel you should give up or start or whatever). Walk a mile every night." Something you know you can achieve.

Life is far from over, and unless you kick it's ass, it will kick yours. Remind yourself of that.

And because I know it isn't that easy, :hug: Just trying to throw out some ideas. If you aren't ready for any of them, just take the hug and throw out the rest.

[malta blue]

40. thank you

I like the affirmation idea :hug:

[jobycom]

43. I've been there.

Not quite as bad as you, but a few years ago I woke up at nights terrified, depressed that my job sucked, that my marriage sucked, that my parents would one day die, terrified that something would happen to my kids. Everything was sad. And I'm normally upbeat, so this was all darned confusing. So I know how you feel, though maybe not quite as bad as you feel. A lot of it got better when I left my spouse, but even then I woke up wondering what I had done. It got better. I still have a crappy job, no girlfriend (largely because I don't want complications), more debt that you would believe, and I'm always one step from the cardboard box. But I also have two great kids, decent health, income, a nice apartment... I've got stuff. I just think about that, and try to change what I don't have.

I think they put something in the water in your late 30s that messes with your mind. It's like a second puberty. You just have to bear with it until you learn to control it.

And no, it's not simple, and yes, it hurts while it happens. But it will get better. :)

[NJmaverick]

42. You might want to speak to a professional

and also :hug:

we all care about you

[malta blue]

45. thank you

:hug:

I have a great doctor who I can call anytime - even at his home.

[Pierre.Suave]

44. Well, you have had a rough few months recently...

:hug:

[malta blue]

46. you too

:hug:

I just want to catch a break - I need the beach :D

[Critters2]

47. I feel ya. Had a good cry myself this morning.

Besides letting you know that I care--I DO!--is there anything more I can do, MB? I hate to think of anyone going through these feelings. :hug:

[malta blue]

48. thank you critters2

:hug:

I think I just have to get through this - maybe I will turn to Joe Biden's "pick yourself up" mantra....

[Lydia Leftcoast]

49. Now that the days are longer, get out and walk during your lunch break,

even if you work in an office "park" and have no place to walk except a few circuits of the parking lot. The natural light and the exercise will do you good. Also, alcohol is a depressant and disrupts sleep, so lay off the wine.

That being said, life does seem wretched at times, and I'm sorry you have to go through this. :hug:

[malta blue]

50. Thankfully I have only had a glass - two tops - when I get home

Thanks for the information....

I have been getting out and walking in the afternoons - even in the 10 below I still get out there - I can't stand sitting for so long.

Thank you for the hug :hug:

[GreenPartyVoter]

51. *hugs* I really hate to hear that! Think talking to your doc might help at all?

[malta blue]

52. i have been in touch with him - he said to hang in there

the end will come soon (the end of the sadness)

:hug:

thank you

[GreenPartyVoter]

53. Good. Keep him in the loop and keep riding it out. *hugs*

[fizzgig]

54. i'm sorry you're feeling so down

does your employer offer an employee assistance program that might be able to hook you up with a therapist, even for just a few visits? have you tried taking a bubble bath or having a cup of sleepy tea before going to bed? those really help me when i'm in a funk.

i hope you start feeling better soon :hug:

[malta blue]

55. I am going to try some tea - I bought a sleepy tea at the co-op

last week.

I havent had any since that day though - i get easily distracted at night. I think it is the fibromyalgia :(

I have using the EAP because I feel like big brother will find out - my company is sooooo corporate amerika.

I am definitely going to do the tea - thanks for the reminder - and try a soak before bed.

:hug:

[MilesColtrane]

56. On the bright side....

You have your health.

You have a job.

You have wine.

Remember MilesColtrane's Axiom: "Things can always be worse."

[malta blue]

58. I sort of have health

:D

I struggle with fibromyalgia. the insomnia becomes a vicious cycle because the less sleep I get, the worse the pain, the harder it is to sleep.

BUT I always have wine :woohoo:

Thanks
:hug:

[MilesColtrane]

62. Here's a toast to better days.

Have you tried taking time released melatonin at night?
It doesn't keep me from waking up at night, but it does make it easier to go back to sleep.



:toast:
:hug:

[malta blue]

64. i have not tried the melatonin - i will ask the dr.

:hug:

[MrScorpio]

57. Cheer up, it can only go down hill from there

No, really. You need a change of pace and forget about 40... I'm turning 50 in a couple of years


Anyway, you get a hug from me :hug:

Enjoy LIFE!

[malta blue]

59. I know things could be worse

and the 40 is not a big deal other than having no SO to share this change in my life.

I never pictured myself in this place of being at 40 - that is really the gist of it.

Thanks for the hug :hug:

[Jamastiene]

60. I feel ya.

I hate it when I get depressed. Of course, I usually have a glass of Dr Pepper with my cereal then though.

In any case, I don't know what else to do except :hug:

[malta blue]

65. hugs are exactly what i need

:hug:

thanks

[Haole Girl]

61. 40 is a big one

It's odd... I always dreaded having to turn 40, even from an early age. Maybe because I saw how it depressed my mother. And my big 4-0 happened in the year 2001, too. But I went to Maui, and the actual day came (the summer of 2001), it really turned out to be a happy birthday. Can you go somewhere nice... just get away for at least a day or two?

Don't forget to eat foods that make you feel better (and are good for you). This week I bought some Salmon & other fish. I've been eating grilled Salmon and fresh fruit a lot. Well worth the cost!

Hope you feel better soon... and in case I can't wish it to you later, Happy Birthday! :party:

:hug: :loveya:

[malta blue]

66. thank you

I am going to Virginia the week after my bday to visit a friend ;)

And I am giving myself a nice party at my house with about 20 friends - lots of yummy wine and a good dinner.

I don't fear the age part - just sad that there is a milestone and no SO to share it with....

:loveya::hug:

[BuelahWitch]

63. I'm sorry MB

:hug:

[malta blue]

67. thank you

:hug: