I did something tonight that I have never done before in 18 1/2 years of parenting

[Midlodemocrat]

plus the years I raised two homeless teens in the 80s.

I told BabyM that she couldn't go to a friend's house anymore strictly based on the child's parents' politics.

Now, obviously, before you all jump my shit, my being an uber lefty here is rare, so all of my kids have friends with conservative parents.

These people are beyond the pale and I don't want her exposed to that level of bigotry. They have a 'I'll give your President the same respect you gave mine' sticker on their car along with a 'Is it 1-20-2013 yet?' sticker. The second one was up one week after Barack took office.

Well, last night was the final straw for me and I am usually pretty tolerant because I don't want to stir shit among people that are my peers here. I mean, seriously, how much shit do I have to give you to play bunco with you?

The child's mother and I were discussing the upcoming PTSA year at the high school and she replied 'I don't think that our getting involved will matter. It's like what happened in November; the will of the people was thwarted'.

I have since recovered, but I realized that this family has values that I don't want my child to embrace. After Katrina, I was sitting in Church, (I'm a practicing Roman Catholic) and that particular Mass, a friend of BabyM's was making her FIrst Holy COmmunion. THis family had been invited because they are friends.

Long story short, I leaned over to the dad (who is a police officer, by the way) and mentioned that Sears was doubling donations to the Red Cross for Katrina victims. It was huge for us because we doubled our donations through Sears and our employers matched it as well, so it was a nice sized donation and in all honesty, made me feel pretty good.

His response? Mr. Christian? Mr. Cop? "I'm not giving them a dime, they had plenty of time to get out".

Me? I literally gasped out loud and sat back in my chair. I am still reeling that someone could be so callous.

In addition, I don't let BabyM watch violent stuff. I don't think it necessarily is a detriment, but I don't want her head filled with that. I figure that there is plenty of time for her to watch that stuff if she wants to.

Her friend? Her friend wasn't allowed to watch Harry Potter at my house because of the whole 'anti-Christian' thing, but she has seen, (I shit you not, Saw, I, II, III and however many others there are and Hostel. Did I mention she's 12?

So, I finally drew the line. I told BabyM today that her friend was welcome here, but I didn't want her there and I told her it was because her parents were bigots.

You know what? I don't feel badly at all. I almost wish I'd done it when she told me that 'Jesus was a Conservative'. Right. That whole taking care of the poor and oppressed thing has always been a hallmark of the Republican Party.

Anyway. Thanks for reading this rant. I don't think I'm looking for vindication, but maybe I am. I just know I feel better knowing that my child, who doesn't have a bigoted bone in her body, won't be exposed to it via this family.

[trof]

1. Ya done good.

yep

[Midlodemocrat]

5. Coming from you Grandpa of Charlotte...

Thanks. It's just weird. I've prevented them from hanging out at other friends' houses before for lack of supervision, etc., but I've never encountered this level of bigotry and I just don't want her exposed to it. She's too innocent. She doesn't hate anyone, especially based on sexual orientation or race.

These folks? The uber Christians? Who are constantly telling you that they are a Christian family? Not seeing it.

Plus, they are truly products of the OT in the ways they discipline, if you get my drift. Something I just could never bring myself to do.

[trof]

8. You've got to be taught.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHKzn8aHyXg

You've Got To Be Taught
to Hate And Fear,
you've Got To Be Taught
from Year To Year,
it's Got To Be Drummed
in Your Dear Little Ear
you've Got To Be Carefully Taught.

you've Got To Be Taught To Be Afraid
of People Whose Eyes Are Oddly Made,
and People Whose Skin Is A Diff'rent Shade,
you've Got To Be Carefully Taught.

you've Got To Be Taught Before It's Too Late,
before You Are Six Or Seven Or Eight,
to Hate All The People Your Relatives Hate,
you've Got To Be Carefully Taught!

[TZ]

2. You did the right thing.

You wouldn't let your child hang out at a house where the parents were neo-nazi's either. This is a different form of bigotry, but it is bigotry just the same.
:thumbsup:

[Midlodemocrat]

6. I guess it's just the matter that it is the first time I've done this.

Living here, we've always encountered RWers. I always tell the kids, you know people are entitled to their opinions, it's one of the great things about this country.

This was the last straw for me. 'The will of the people was thwarted?' Is she fucking kidding?

[KG]

3. shun! shun them!

[rvablue]

4. You don't need vindication. You made the 100% right decision....

And while all the social/political stuff was enough to convince me, the fact that they allow their 12-year-old watch the SAW movies borders on child abuse IMO....I couldn't watch those movies if someone paid me. Who needs that kind of despicable horror inside their minds?

Good on you.

[FarLeftRage]

7. I would have done the same thing

given that if I were in those circumstances.

You did no wrong. :thumbsup:

[demmiblue]

9. You made the right decision.

Obviously you listened to your conscience, and your conscience told you that you made the right move!

I can appreciate how hard of a decision this was for you; it is definitely a hard call to make considering the friendships involved.

I remember an acquaintance of my child who was also of the "Harry Potter is Evil" club. He, a) told my child that he would go to hell because he doesn't go to church, and b) there are evil demons that walk the earth impersonating real people. :crazy:

Sometimes you have to take a stand!

:yourock:

[EastTennesseeDem]

10. There are some people who make me wonder

if we're in the seventeenth century yet.

You did doggone good. Extra props for not feeling bad about it.

[Lavender Brown]

11. I admire you for standing up to that kind of thing.

It can be hard to do that with people you might have to associate with in real life. I find it aggravating enough to deal with freepers and racists on the internet, and I can turn off the computer and ignore them if I want to.

[cherish44]

12. Be grateful you have a choice...my ex turned into a ignorant tool after we split

Of course he takes his orders from his "girlfriend" (actually he married the little tramp a few months after the divorce was final.) Yeah he's a *cough cough* Christian now. He won't let our daughter take her Harry Potter books over there (actually it's his wife who hates Harry Potter, you know it's about the devil and witchcraft.... DARKSIDED!!!!!, Oh did you know she was SCREWING MY HUSBAND while we were married? Sooooooo glad the adulterers have found god) They hate the fact that she likes the band Nirvana. He thinks I should be encouraging her to like musical acts that are good role models like hmmmmmmmmmm Faith Hill. Yeah all 12 year olds are into Faith Hill. I said "Sure, I'll just reprogram the remote control I have that runs her brain" (cuz you know everything she does wrong is MY FAULT)..Oh here's the doozy of all doozies, he actually brought this up when were negotiating custody.... his "girlfriend" (read piece on the side at that time) would be a better role model for her because I'm not teaching her how to COOK AND CLEAN.

Venting...Sorry I get that way when I have to talk to the asshole (which I had to do tonight). FYI my daughter is on the road to being estranged from her dad, she CAN'T STAND IT at his house. Major hissy fits every time she has to go. These good Christians apparently like to yell and argue and swear a lot. I just tell her "Oh your dad is a great guy and he loves you, he just have a different style" Lately her response is "Yeah right" :shrug: So be grateful you're not dealing with that anyway...:banghead: OK time to break open a bottle of Arbor Mist White Zimfendel, it's Friday night! :party: :rant: :rant: :rant: :rant:

Edit: after reading this it appears most of my wrath is towards to girlfriend. NO, He's A Tool and She's a Fool.

[ThomCat]

21. I am very, very, very sorry you have to deal with that.

My father was a lot like your ex., but he was like both your ex and his new wife combined.

He divorced my mom and married his girlfriend, who became the second of his three marital victims.

My dad was such a horrible parent than when he divorced victim number two I testified at the custody hearing for his soon to be ex-wife. She may have been a home-wrecker who slept with my dad while he was still married to my mom, but that was his fault more than hers, and she was the much-better parent for my baby half-sister.

He managed to get half custody and raised by baby sister with bribes, and trained her young to equate money with love, and convinced her that anyone that doesn't giver her stuff constantly doesn't really love her.

As a result my sister has grown up as you might expect. :(

His whole family considers me evil, damned, lower than low, and all kinds of dirt. They're good Christians.

[nickgutierrez]

13. Good call.

And, in all honesty, double points for being totally honest with your kid about the reason why. Their being conservative is one thing, but being sniping, hateful worms is beyond the pale no matter what the topic is.

[leftyclimber]

14. You're the parent, Midlo -- it's your call.

You get to decide what and who your kids are and are not exposed to. From your description it sounds like that particular household is not a good place for your child to be, and frankly it's probably awkward as hell for her over there even if she hasn't said so.

You done fine.

[lunatica]

15. Saw, I, II, III at 12 years old?!

Geez, I don't ever watch slasher movies because they're pure evil rot!

You definitely did good. Your daughter is lucky she has a parent who is present in the moment and doesn't get his parenting skills from the bible thumpers. Do they even hear their discord? Their brains must be a gordian knot of clashing contradictions! It's hard to believe sometimes that people can be that crudely hateful.

[AlCzervik]

16. You still have a say about who your kid is around.

i have no problem at all with your choice and i would have done the same, shit i won't let my daughter stay at my sister's house because of the things she says and totally believes, thankfully my nieces know it's shit but i still don't want my kid around that.

[sakabatou]

17. Ah, fundies...

[ThomCat]

18. "Jesus was a conservative?"

:rofl:

Okay, that's just crazy. Yeah, the whole story of Jesus is about upholding the status quo, looking out only for yourself, and glorifying wealth. :rofl:

Wow. I'm really surprised that you put up with them this long.

I'm sorry this puts your daughter sort of in the middle. But I'm sure she's is smart enough to understand.

[AlCzervik]

19. he was also a coupon clipper, little known fact.

[av8rdave]

33. Come on now, Thom

Jesus ran the money changers out of the Temple. Did you notice that he left the hedge fund managers and the real estate portfolio managers alone?

:sarcasm:

[Jamastiene]

20. My mother was the opposite on what I was allowed to watch.

I could watch all the violence I wanted, but if there was a sex scene I wasn't allowed to watch the movie. Look at me now. Look what my mother created. :evilgrin:

On a more serious note:
If I had kids, I wouldn't want them around bigotry either. Being around bigotry does influence children. People aren't born bigots. They learn that hatred through years of indoctrination and influence.

I think you did the right thing by now allowed your kid to go over there, but still allowing the other kid over to your place. That gives the other kid some good non bigoted influence. Being exposed to you and your family can counteract some of that hatred the other kid is growing up with. It's good for your kid and the other kid they way you worked it out, imho.

[graywarrior]

22. How did BabyM take it?

I mean, is she upset about it? Does she understand? I love to know her response.

[Midlodemocrat]

23. She's okay with it, interestingly.

Which leads me to think she was looking for a way out. THis child is always welcome here, but I just can't in good conscience let BabyM go there.

The level of bigotry astounds me.

[graywarrior]

24. I think you did the right thing

People need to take responsibilty for their bigotry. They need to know why they are so offensive.

[rurallib]

32. When we had to do something like that with our kids, we would talk with them

so that they understood us and we in turn understood them. It always worked outr for the thebest. My kids, now in their 30s, still ding me about our talks. But they always knew it was the best way to handle things.

[sasquatch]

25. My Dad had me watch Full Metal Jacket when I was six (true story)

Our ancestors were Lutherans BTW.
I kind of agree about really violent and traumatic movies like that btw.

[Lil Missy]

26. You have far more patience than I do.

Series.

:hug:

[kaiden]

27. My grandson's OTHER grandmother is just like that!

When the grandboy was born, he had congenital problems. My daughter-in-law's mother brought the Focus on the Family preacher to the hospital to pray for the "punishment from God." After watching that side of the family interact with each other and the hatefulness that spews from their mouths in the guise of Christianity, we had enough. We have to schedule holidays and other time where it doesn't coincide with a visit from them.

Ugh. I hate living like this.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

28. LOL...'Is it 1-20-2013 yet?'

You should say to them "I'm glad you are looking forward to President Obama's second term so much. I know that it will be even better than his first term in office and given that he's accomplished more for America in his first month in office than your party of choice's presidents have accomplished in almost a century of their terms combined, his second term will indeed be something to look forward to"

[RFKHumphreyObama]

29. And additionally

"The will of the people is thwarted" when a President actually undisputedly scores a decisive win in the popular vote AND the Electoral College but was not thwarted when the Supreme Court effectively suppressed the counting of votes and installed a Republican as President?

And "I'm not giving them a dime, they had plenty of time to get out".

I really genuinely hope they are never caught in a situation like that. How morally bankrupt can you get?

[redqueen]

30. My daughters have a friend like that.

Their friend repeats the awful things the parents say.

Since it's their next door neighbor though and they're close, and also my STBE is friendly with the parents (off and on)... I just stay out of it.

I do use their awful views as a teaching tool for my kids though. They tell me the awful things these people say, and I explain how screwed up their thinking is.

[Lyric]

31. Good for you. You did the right thing.

Rhythm and I have to be very careful about LyricKid's friends...maybe more so than a typical parenting couple would. But then again, our situation presents unique problems. Because our family is what it is, we refuse to tolerate other people denigrating same-sex couples and parenting in front of our kid, especially when he's a captive audience (as would be the case in "their" home.) I can't allow anybody to subject my kid to the kind of emotional pain, stress, and anxiety that would result as he tries to figure out how/if he should "defend" us, or stay quiet, etc. Therefore, every time he makes a new friend and wants to spend time around said friend's family, we have to schedule a meeting specifically to disclose our relationship and feel the other parents out for what they think about same-sex relationships. I would never forbid LyricKid to be friends with another kid, but I would forbid him going to the home of a kid with homophobic parents in a heartbeat.

We've only had one problem so far; when the parents found out that LyricKid has two mothers, THEY spazzed out and refused to let them be friends. I feel sorry for the kid, but oh well. All of LyricKid's other friends have cool parents who treat us like any other family on the block. Oddly, the parents who are the most accepting are the ones that others would think to be the *least*--trailer park poor people. The spazzy parents were middle-class folks who live in the gated community over the hill. Go fig.

[Forkboy]

34. This actual uber lefty says "Right on!"

There's no reason to subject your kid to stuff like that.

There seems to be this idea out there that if someone is left wing that means they have to be open to everything and everyone, and frankly that's just bullshit. You did the right thing.

[quakerboy]

35. You dun good

As a former child myself, I would say that keeping her away from the nutters politics might be for the best, although sometimes the act of observing asshats in their natural environment has a salutatory effect.

But you definitely dun good on the level of the whole movie thing. Exposing kids to Saw type movies is not right, and leaving her unprotected in an environment where that is acceptable would not be good parenting.

[GoneOffShore]

36. Good call - You did good.

Much better than I would have.

[Left Is Write]

37. The will of the people was thwarted in November?

I don't think so. It seems to me the will of the people was spoken very loudly and very clearly.

As for Mr. Christian Cop who wouldn't contribute to Katrina victims, here are the words of Jesus himself: "Whatever you have done for the least of these, so have you done for me."

[Zomby Woof]

38. It's your right as a parent

Children should not be allowed exposure to toxic waste dumps, so your position seems reasonable to me.

[yvr girl]

39. Your job is to protect your daughter

that's what you did.

[REP]

40. That's all? I thought you'd finally stabbed someone

I mean, they deserve it, but from your header, I was expecting something a little more dramatic!

[Midlodemocrat]

41. LOL. Nah. I only think violence, not act on it.

[Lil Missy]

42. You are such a Bitch.

I've always liked that about you. :)

[Midlodemocrat]

43. LOL. I know.

First time I've ever done anything like that. I'm more of a 'you know what, differences are what make this a great, wide world', but I couldn't take it anymore.

BabyM says she can handle it, which is hilarious because she's an absolute peanut. When it comes to politics, she's a pit bull. Without the lipstick.

:rofl:

[Lil Missy]

44. I have an uncle whom I love dearly.

I spend more time with him now since he lost his wife of 50 years and is terribly depressed.

He thinks Sarah is a Goddess and calls our President Sambo. I told him we cannot talk politics. I'd never abandon him, but I won't put up with shit either.

I think you did the right thing, FWIW.