So the soon to be ex is not even getting a lawyer and will not

[mcctatas]

fight me on anything! Of course it breaks my heart that he has not even asked about the kids and I am getting the sanitized version of things through my mother but I honestly think it is over. It is odd how I agonized over this for years, how I cried for hours the day I left worrying about whether or not he would be OK, how I worried that he would try to get custody of the kids, and now, nothing, I feel at peace....

well there you have it, my first hearing is next Friday and if he doesn't change his mind, 6 months from that date I will be a single woman!

[LynzM]

1. I'm so glad to hear this, dude...

It sounds like you really made the right decision, and I hope that lots of peace and happiness comes from all of it. :hug:

[no name no slogan]

2. What a relief

My ex got a lawyer after she realized I wasn't going to give her everything, and it got a bit nasty-ish. We still managed to get it settled in six months, though, but it ended up costing me $8,000 more than it should have (no kids, only asset a house we agreed to sell).

Good luck with the rest of the process. I hope you get everything you want in the settlement. :toast:

[mcctatas]

4. My attorney thinks I am nuts, but I want him to have the house

I only want the kids stuff, my clothes and personal stuff and the car I drove away in. I don't want to destroy him, I just want out, in fact, I wish him nothing but peace and healing. Of course if he got nasty about the kids, I would have turned into Hellcat Maggie redux on his ass :P

[Deep13]

5. Wow, if there is substantial equity in the house, then I agree with the lawyer.

That's quite an asset just to walk away from.

[mcctatas]

6. Oh I am not walking away....

I just want him to have a decent amount of time to buy me out. I just didn't plan on fighting him about living there. Plus, truth be told I know he cares about the house and I thought by telling him outright that he could have it, he would be less apt to get crazy on me.

[Deep13]

12. Ah. I see. nt

[SoxFan]

9. Your attorney is right

Think about having the house sold and grabbing a percentage of the proceeds.

[no name no slogan]

16. You're doing the right thing

You're creating good karma all around. In fact, you're being very generous as far as the house is concerned. It sounds like it will be an all-around civil proceeding, which is good for everybody involved, especially the kids.

It's almost as if he saw it coming, and resigned himself to the situation-- or he's totally in shock and hasn't had a chance to deal. Either way, you're doing the right thing by keeping it civil. :thumbsup:

[SPKrazy]

21. I think you deserve half the equity in the house at least

and shouldn't give it up because you have to think of your kids and you and the future. Unless you are wealthy enough to start over easily, then I guess don't worry.

[madinmaryland]

3. Sorry to hear that you are going thru a "D". On one hand, it will

make it a lot simpler with him not contesting it, though I am surprised he has not even talked about joint custody, though you would obviously have physical custody. Interestingly, get all you can out of the divorce, while you can, since he is not contesting it.

I went through one (eek - 16 years ago). We both had attorneys, and though it involved a bunch of lawyer stuff (bickering between lawyers) we did manage to come to a settlement. I got the car and the cat, she got the house and the kid. Neither of us could really afford the house, and I just didn't want to deal with it. I made my last cs payment last month!!

[flvegan]

7. "Single" huh? Wanna go out with me?

[mcctatas]

8. Bite me!

you man stealer! :grr:



;)

[flvegan]

10. So THAT's how you like it, eh?

[mcctatas]

11. What did Paddy tell you?!?!

I'll kill him! :evilgrin:

[PaddyBlueEyes]

24. I dont kiss and tell baby

you should know that... :evilgrin:

[SidneyCarton]

13. A sad situation, but I'm happy to hear that y'all are safe and that things are settling.

Best of luck to you.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

14. My dear mcctatas!

I am so relieved to hear that he won't fight you!

He must have realized that it's truly over too...

Peace to you, your children, and to Paddy, of course...

:hug:

[PeaceNikki]

15. Here's some unsolicited advice:

I'd stop discussing it and any other issues that could be used against you in court on a public forum until it's over. His amicable demeanor may not be consistent and things could change in the upcoming months especially if he starts to feel hurt or spited or if someone convinces him that it's in his best interest to not play nice.

It's bitten people in the ass... hard.

Good luck and I wish you the absolute best.

[SPKrazy]

22. that is awesome advice and

I would say it is very sound advice too.

public forums end up being places where soon to be exes can get information about you and it can and does affect the emotional reactions and outcome of settlements or non-settlements. It had bearing in my situation.

[Flaxbee]

26. As a (former) attorney, I completely agree

PeaceNikki has given you some excellent advice. All my best to you and your kids - but keep it off DU until it's over.

[Tuesday Afternoon]

27. +1

:thumbsup:

[applegrove]

17. Glad it is going as well as it possibly can. How are the kids?

[RedCloud]

18. You sound like a nice person...

My ex even had the guy who got in the way come to me for advice on how to deal with her!

Basically we moved 1,000 miles apart and when I visited I found the whole world there was against and like a knucklehead I begged them to be her friend, but they all sided with me even the ones who didn't even know me, but knew her.

The story was I lost a great job because my lesbian boss wanted her lesbian friend to have my job, I couldn't pay for a lawyer and the ACLU was not looking for that kind of case at the time.

[Haole Girl]

19. Hopefully, it will be as civil a divorce as you think

I really hope so. :hug:

[SPKrazy]

20. just be prepared for anything

I thought it was all sewn up too and landed in court fighting over money and the type of custody, turns out the judge didn't think she needed extra money and he also didn't think I needed joint custody. Just a state thing apparently that if both parties don't agree (which we had previously) that they don't grant joint.

breathe deep and hope for the best but be ready for anything :hug:

[PaddyBlueEyes]

23. ILY

and you are amazing.... :loveya: :hug:

[BarenakedLady]

25. We are going the mediation route

Lawyers will only get involved at the end. It's really much easier on the kids when it goes amicably. I hope things turn out well in both of our situations.

Good luck.

:hug:

[Aristus]

28. God speed the day, mcctatas.

Glad to hear there's not going to be an ugly fight. :hug:

[mcctatas]

29. ya know, I should ammend that...

I will be a divorced woman, but thankfully I have Paddy and will not be single :)

[PaddyBlueEyes]

30. ILY and will never fail you

my eternal love.. :loveya:

[mentalsolstice]

31. As a retired attorney...

I'd advise you guys to take advice given in posts 22, 26 and 27 to heart. No kidding, it all looks good now, but I've seen these things turn evil in a heartbeat. Don't flaunt it, unless you want to lose custody, have to pay his atty. fees, etc., and have to defend yourself in a fault-based divorce.