Dammit Ann
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Fri Apr-10-09 03:50 AM
Original message |
I think my marriage of 15 years (and glorious ones) may be unraveling. |
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Edited on Fri Apr-10-09 03:52 AM by Dammit Ann
New to the lounge, just felt like saying it. On edit, we all have these moments, right?
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elleng
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Fri Apr-10-09 03:53 AM
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1. Yes, we do; some longer than mere 'moments.' |
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Take a deep breath, Dammit.
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Dammit Ann
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Fri Apr-10-09 03:59 AM
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2. It was a turn of phrase, but yes, thank you, breathing now. |
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I've been with him since we were 21 and 23 and growing up together has been wonderful, yet we seem to be losing each other. I'm just sad.
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DFW
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Fri Apr-10-09 04:03 AM
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3. Sorry to hear it, especially today |
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Today is my 27th anniversary (see OP). They have been glorious years, too, though not without their trying times. Cancer, losing siblings, parents, friends, less than ideal work situation (her, not me). But the most important thing is: is it worth saving? If so, do whatever you have to (except surrender your dignity or your self-respect--NOTHING is worth that) to save it.
Everybody has every kind of moment. No shame in that, and no shame in admitting it, either.
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Dammit Ann
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Fri Apr-10-09 04:09 AM
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4. That is what prompted my outburst, so sorry... |
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and a hundred more apologies and congratulations... odd together, I know, anyway... All that and a few more. Your 1st point. Yes, it is and I'm trying. Your second. WE are trying. And your third. Tonight, I am just being honest with myself. Thank you so much for such a sweet reply on such an important day! You give me strength.
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Dammit Ann
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Fri Apr-10-09 04:15 AM
Response to Reply #3 |
5. Oh, and saying it out loud makes me more determimed to make it better. |
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Because I love him. Isn't that the whole point?
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DFW
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Fri Apr-10-09 04:17 AM
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6. That's the whole and only point. |
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(By George, I do believe she's got it!)
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Dammit Ann
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Fri Apr-10-09 04:21 AM
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7. I actually feel like I can sleep now. |
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Thank you. The Lounge is the place to be! I am gonna have one more beer though...
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Sky Masterson
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Fri Apr-10-09 06:03 AM
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Talking is the best thing to do. Even counseling could help. I get the impression that there is still love there.It just needs a bit of help right now. I wish you luck. :hug:
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Callalily
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Fri Apr-10-09 06:07 AM
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BOTH of you are willing to work things out. It may a bumpy road for a while, but yes, in the long run it'll be worth it.
Wishing you the best.
:hug:
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blondeatlast
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Fri Apr-10-09 09:21 AM
Response to Original message |
10. I'm further along in the process of that; he has asked for a divorce. Try to save it but if it |
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doesn't seem to work, hold your head up and feel free to grieve when it's needed. It takes a long time and you will have good days and bad days.
Just hold on to your self-respect and give yourself permission to be sad/angry/whatever--and know you aren't alone. If you want to chat with one going through the same thing, PM me.
Take care of yourself--things will resolve for the best even if it doesn't necessarily seem that way at first.
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crim son
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Fri Apr-10-09 09:29 AM
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11. We do have these moments, and the Lounge isn't the worst place to purge yourself. |
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Having said that, my divorce is final on Monday and I am totally freaking out. Try to hang on to your marriage if you can, and if there is no abuse. It's a cold, lonely world out there. :hug:
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DFW
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Fri Apr-10-09 09:35 AM
Response to Reply #11 |
12. Luck of the draw, maybe |
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I drew a royal flush first time out, and I'm only too aware that plenty of really good, wonderful people draw a pair of deuces or less. I guess you have to decide at some point if you need (or want) to move on or not. Abuse is one thing not tolerable under ANY circumstances. But if there is a will on both sides, there is something worth saving. It may or may not work, but you gotta try.
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Bertha Venation
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Fri Apr-10-09 10:28 AM
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I'm sorry to hear it. This is the place. It's good to let go here.
:hug:
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Shell Beau
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Fri Apr-10-09 10:35 AM
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14. When those times get tough, I think we just need to remember why |
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we got married in the first place.
All marriages go through funky times. I hope yours pulls through.
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no name no slogan
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Fri Apr-10-09 10:37 AM
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15. Saving a marriage is much easier than ending it |
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(at least, in most cases).
If you can work it out, and if you still love him (yeah, I know, sounds impossible at times), then it's worth saving.
Ending a marriage isn't necessarily sad, or bad, it's just a giant pain in the ass. One that I wouldn't inflict on my worst enemies. Except for my ex-wife of course, but she made out okay. :evilgrin:
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plcdude
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Fri Apr-10-09 11:37 AM
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together for weekend of honest feeling sharing. All marriages go through difficult times and it is usually because people have stopped talking and sharing their feelings.
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cherish44
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Fri Apr-10-09 11:54 AM
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17. I suggest you communicate and don't ignore things hoping it'll get better... |
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I was in denial thinking we were just going through a rough patch and things would turn around. He ended up having an affair and leaving me for the other woman. No chance he would even consider trying to work it out he was just so "in love" with her. Talk to you spouse and find out what's going on and what can done. If you're married 15 years chances you're in your mid 30-40s age and that is prime time for mid life crises which are notorious marriage killers.
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