someone, anyone, please make me laugh.

[Soylent Brice]

i have a head cold, body ache, sore throat, stuck at work, hungry because i forgot a lunch, all on 4 hours of sleep.

PLEASE HELP.

[EndersDame]

1. Awwww dude I wish I could buy ya lunch

[Soylent Brice]

4. i wish you could too. lol

[charlie and algernon]

2. the forgetful couple

A couple in their 80’s were having problems remembering things, so they decided to the go the doctor for a checkup. The doctor tells them that they are physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. His wife asks, “Where are you going?” “To the kitchen for a drink,” he replies. She asks, ” Will you get me piece of cake?” The husband says, “Sure.” She gently reminds him, “Don’t you think you should write it down so you don’t forget it?” He says, “No, I can certainly remember that!”

Then the woman says, “Well, I’d like some strawberries on top. You’d better write it down because I know you’ll forget it.” The man replies, “I can remember that! You want some cake with strawberries.”

She adds, “I’d also like whipped cream on top. Now I’m certain you’re gonna forget that, so you’d better write it down ok.” Irritated, he says, “I don’t need to write it down woman! I can remember that! Cake with strawberries! And whipped cream!” He then grumbles into the kitchen.

After about 30 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment and says, “Where’s my toast?”

[Soylent Brice]

3. lol!

thank you!

[backtoblue]

5. "You Can Be THE Man of the House"

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled,

"You Can be THE Man of the House"

He stormed to his wife int he kitchen and announced,

"From now on, you need to know that I am the man of
this house and my word is Law.

You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and then a sumptuous dessert.

After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and
we will have the kind of sex that I want.

Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so that I can relax
You will wash my back and towel me dry.

Then, you will massage my feet and hands.

And tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"

The wife replied,
"The fucking funeral director would by my first guess."

[Soylent Brice]

7. my wife will LOVE this one.

[HopeHoops]

6. The newlywed couple.

A newlywed couple escaped from the reception for the "consummation situation" in their hotel room. He had to spend some time in the bathroom so she stripped down to her bra and panties and waited on the bed. When he came out, he dropped his pants and threw them at her on the bed and said "Here, put those on."

She replied, "They're fucking huge. I can't wear your pants!"

He says, "That's right, and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants and that's how this marriage is going to be."

She whips off her panties and throws them at him, "Here, put THOSE on."

"I can't get into your panties!" he shouts back.

She grins and calmly says, "That's right, and you sure as shit aren't going to until you change your fucking attitude."

[Soylent Brice]

8. oldie but goodie.

still makes me chuckle.

thank you!!!

[HopeHoops]

12. That's one of my favorites.

I've got three daughters, so you can see why it probably always will be.

[Call Me Wesley]

9. Well ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1loyjm4SOa0&feature=fvst

[Deep13]

10. Go home!

Going to work sick is irresponsible. It will make you miserable (big surprise, I know) and it will spread it to other people at the office.

[Deep13]

11. What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?

It's ass.

[gmoney]

13. Failblog.org

Thereifixedit.com

Some epicly hilarious stupidity...