I've been trying to stave off a terrible sadness for weeks.

[Bertha Venation]

I hide it from Mrs. V. and my sisters. I have no close friends to hide it from (most of my friends are in California). I haven't talked about it with anyone. I need to go see a therapist but things keep me from it (the kind of things everyone is struggling with nowadays).

I really don't know what to do. The only thing keeping me together is the meds.

What do you when you are on the edge of deep sadness and in danger of falling in?

[NJmaverick]

1. I think the best thing you can do is open up and talk about it

you have Mrs. V and your sisters who I am sure would all help and be supportive. I am sure if they were given a choice they would all want you to open up to them. That's what family and loved ones are all about... to be there for one another.:hug:

[LynzM]

2. Many hugs, dude....

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Find something outside yourself to work toward - volunteer work, rescue work, something to pull you out. But I may be preaching to the choir, about that one. I wish I had an easy answer for you... :hug:

[derby378]

5. I second that

My wife always tells me, "To have a meaningful life, you must do meaningful things."

Maybe there's a hole in your life that desperately needs to be filled, but you don't know what it is yet. Take the first step and see where it leads you.

:hugs:

[lizziegrace]

13. Third

:hug:

When I'm volunteering for everything and anything, that's a sure sign I'm right on the edge.

Check your FB PM shortly...

[VenusRising]

3. Sending hugs and good vibes your way.

Hang in there, hon. :hug::hug::hug:

[Kali]

4. oh Bertha

I agree with NJmaverick. Your loved ones more than likely would WANT you to let them help. I know how hard it is to let go and not be "strong" - trust me! But while you may think it isn't fair to "burden" them with your problems, they think it isn't fair that you would keep it from them and maybe really set yourself back (to where it really is a burden). Tell them. Let them help - it is a real gift. They want to be included.

[GreenPartyVoter]

6. Personally, I wait to cycle back out of it. But it can be a long ait. :^( *hugs*

[Gormy Cuss]

7. Bertha, make a list of priorities.

If "seeing a therapist" doesn't rise to the top, write the list again. You know that it's what you need right now.

Please think about sharing your feelings with Mrs. V and others important to you. Usually our loved ones want to help us through the rough times.:hug:

[latebloomer]

8. I agree with this

because I am similar to you in that I usually find excuses not to be in therapy- eg., we are paying for therapy for 2 other members of the family, so can't possibly afford mine. If you go to someone on your provider list, chances are it won't be that expensive. And you are worth it!! If your cat is worth spending money on, so are you!!

Also agree re talking to Mrs. V and other friends- that's what they're for!

[raccoon]

9. I second what Gormy said.

Two thing which sometime help me: Getting some physical exercise, and being out outside for a while. I love nature and being outside usually makes me feel better.

Oh, one more thing, sometimes writing about it can help.

[suninvited]

10. I have been in that same situation

other than seeing a professional, the best advice I can give is to eat healthy: cut back on sugar and only eat good carbs and get out and exercise. It really does get the endorphins flowing.

I know during the state you are in it is easier said than done, but force yourself to eat well and exercise at least 30 minutes a day.

[Inchworm]

11. I try to talk it out with someone

I love you Bertha. :loveya:

I hope you get to feeling better soon.

:hug:

[peacefreak]

12. I'm sorry to hear that. I don't think you're alone.

Life is feeling pretty overwhelming sometimes. I'm just trying to lay low & hang on. I'll be thinking of you.

[Haole Girl]

14. What do I do? When I'm on the edge of deep sadness?

I do turn to one or two close friends. When I end up running them off, I turn to music, writing, watching Discovery TV shows (my most recent summertime passion). Often I run away. Sometimes I just cry.

Hopefully, it will pass quickly for you. Depression is such an isolated feeling. Especially, when meds are not enough. The really good advice? The stuff that really works? Eat right, exercise, get outside more, get just the right amount of sleep (not too much or too little) and be good to yourself!

:hug:

[Flaxbee]

15. first, even putting those thoughts into words is very important

you recognize it, in other words, and aren't ignoring it.

It seems to me, from comments made in other posts, that you shoulder much of the responsibility in your home and try to shield your loved ones from difficult issues or events. While that's admirable, it will also take its toll on you. Not in any way detracting from Mrs.V's role in your home, but I think whenever possible you keep as much sadness and grief away from her as possible. All of us want to protect our spouses that way, but then again, that's what your loved ones are there for - to help you share the sadness or grief or frustration so you're not carrying all those emotions alone, with no one to talk to about them.

I think you need to open up to your loved ones. If the reverse were true, and Mrs.V were keeping her sadness from you, how would you feel? If at all possible, even once a month, maybe you should see a therapist. I understand those things, though, keeping you from doing it - I couldn't go see one right now, either, even though I'd love to.

But I don't keep things from my family - if I didn't have my mom/sisters to talk to, and if I weren't honest with my husband, I'd be insane. I'm probably not as brutally up front with them as I'd be with a therapist, but it helps me let off steam and keeps my mood if not elevated, at least on an even keel.

:hug: You can and will get through this. But I think you need to take some sort of steps toward working through the sadness.

[fizzgig]

16. i would suggest talking to mrs. v and your sisters.

you might not be hiding as well as you think. during my last major depressive episode (it lasted several months), i just kept trying to brush it off and just didn't talk about it. i told everyone i was fine.

well, my dad and sister saw through that and, after a couple months they called me on it. they told me that i'd shut them out (something i didn't even see) and that it was hurting them. i thought i was keeping my burden from them, but i wound up hurting them more than if i'd just been up front with them.

i like having a therapist because it gives me a more objective view of what's going on and it can give me a lot of perspective, but i need to talk to my friends and family because they are the ones who give me the love and support in my daily life.

i don't know how much sunlight you get, but i've found just sitting in the sun and reading or even doing nothing does wonders for me. maybe just talk a short walk or putter around in the yard (if you have one).

hang in there, bertha :hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

17. you know what I do sometimes, Bertha...

I go ahead and fall in for a couple of days. I give in to the sadness and let it wash over me. I take care of myself and be nice and spoil myself. I don't do anything unless I absolutely WANT to do it. Usually after a couple of days and a good bubble bath I am ready to be me again. If your mood persists after that, then perhaps you shoud consult a professional therapist/doctor.

Hope this helps. Hang in there. :hug:

[Heidi]

18. Talk to someone who can hold you, physically or spiritually.

And I think you know already that you _want_ to spend some time with a therapist. Listen to your heart, mind and body, sweets. Every therapist I've ever known has to eat and pay bills just like you and me, but most will work with you to find a mutually-workable means to accommodate the relationship. :hug:

As you know, beloved godmother of the cat who owns me, my inbox is always open to you. :loveya:

:*

[Obama2012]

19. Whiskey

[fight4my3sons]

20. I'm sorry, Bertha

:hug:

I know exactly how you feel. It's awful. I have no good advice. Only a hug.

[hunter]

21. I'm so sorry!

:hug:

[Swede]

22. You have to talk to someone about this depression.

Sorry you are having a rough time.

[DevonRex]

23. You know that voice that tells you "what's the use" every time you think

of something you'd like to do or that you need to do? Tell it to shut up every single time you hear it because that is what keeps you from doing what you need to do to take care of yourself.

You probably know that you should go get your medications reviewed if you're depressed. But maybe you've been thinking that it won't do any good. Well, it WILL do some good. Make that appointment. Now.

You probably know that you need to do something you enjoy. But maybe you've been thinking that it's not worth the effort. Well, it IS worth the effort and you'll enjoy it more than you thought you would.

:hug:

[cwydro]

24. Get outside

and exercise. It really is the best medicine.

Whatever you can do, do it.

[Burma Jones]

25. I would pay inordinate attention to things I had to do

I would try to think in basic survival mode.....

It's been a long time since I felt what you're describing, but I do indeed remember that abyss....and I guess I figured that if I just spent my time walking around it, pulling weeds, adjusting the fence and generally doing whatever menial thing I could do to disengage that part of me that would embrace anything cerebral, because that's where that sadness lived....

I wish you well.

[livetohike]

26. I go for a hike. It helps me focus on other things and realizing

the many good things I have in my life. I play with my dogs - they never seem to be sad.

I'm sorry you are going through this Bertha :hu:.

[gmoney]

27. Might be worth looking at this...

http://lowselfhelpsystems.org/

It's peer-directed group therapy, a little like AA, but without the higher power or the 12-steps, or the sponsors. Meetings are what you can afford to chip in (suggested $4) and they also offer phone support as well. You can learn a lot about them from the site and get a general idea of what's involved.

Might be easier to share problems with non-judgemental strangers.

I went to one meeting, might go back.

[Fran Kubelik]

28. You can call me tonight if you need to talk

But I am going to agree with the chorus here - find a therapist.

I'll make a deal with you. If you do it, I will too. I've been putting it off for too long now.

[BuelahWitch]

29. Bertha, you and I are about the same age...

You might want to talk to your doc about hormonal stuff too. I know that perimenopause is kicking my ass lately, only more on a physical level than mental (but I've gone through the depressions too).
In any case, here's a hug for ya! :hug:

[Demoiselle]

30. TALK with everyone....Mrs. V, your sisters...don't hide it!!!

Please, you must share this burden with them. Hang in there. I know you have many friends here, too.

[crim son]

31. Talking does help

but sometimes it's almost impossible to force yourself to talk to those who are close to you, for a number of reasons. I've been clinically depressed for as long as I remember and when it gets out of control I do a few things, like a) focus on the fact that the depressive episode WILL end. It always ends. 2) Smile, even when by yourself. I don't know why but it helps. 3) Know the most difficult times of the day and fill them up with distractions. I'm at home, so in the early evening I make sure I have something to watch (or read, but reading can be tough when you're depressed) or do that will distract me. Making things helps. Working does too. 4) Take care of yourself and your surroundings. There's nothing worse than being depressed, unshowered and sitting in a filthy livingroom. Take care of the latter two and the first will go easier.

Anyhow, these are just some tactics I've learned through the years. Remember: there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. I swear it. :hug:

Edited to add: sometimes a good, controlled cry does wonders to purge the system for a while.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

32. Hope you feel better.

I always like to take a drive to clear my mind. Where you live there are several nice places to drive to. I might suggest the Northern Neck of Virginia (Fredericksburg to Tappohannock), rural parts of St. Mary's County near Leonardtown, or Solomons.

[JitterbugPerfume]

33. Please do whatever it takes Bertha

we love you

[Hell Hath No Fury]

34. If you are on meds ---

and still looking at a depression, then you need to get to your doctor and talk about a med adjustment. I suffer from hormone-related depression and noticed that the week before my very irregular periods I would sink terribly, even though I was on my meds. My doctor and I decided to up my meds just a bit when I started that premenstrual period and it worked like a charm. Now when I start getting the feeling my period is due in a week or so (hard not to miss) I bump up my meds and then drop them a few days into my period, when I normally feel so much better.

There is no reason for you to slip into the Hole. You are being given the gift of pre-sight here -- you are aware of what is happening and you now have the ability to stop it before it happens.

Make the call. :hi:

[KamaAina]

35. Don't'cha know, so have I

I don't know if I've 'fessed up to you yet, but I got tripped really, REALLY badly by someone who came out here to present at a conference recently. Not even that recently: early May.

Turns out she plays for your team. No, not the Angels. That wouldn't have been a dealbreaker... :(

Now I despair of ever even meeting another such human being, let alone connecting with one. There simply may not be one in existence. And FSM help me if she ever discovers DU and reads this... :scared:

What do I do? Well, I stop on the street behind work sometimes for a cat fix -- something you have right at home! And I have been noticing other females, here and elsewhere, much more since then -- but again, you've got that taken care of. Like the guy in the Allstate commercial says, "The basics are good" -- cats, baseball, etc.

I had pretty much incorporated loneliness into my daily existence. Then just for a few minutes, I thought it was going away... :cry:

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

36. Stop hiding it. That only worsens it.

It's nothing to be ashamed of and it's nothing to hide. Talk about it openly. See a therapist. See a friend. Try to figure out what the root cause is and attempt to remedy it.

I've had spells of emotional turmoil since childhood- I know it's in fact not as simple or as straightforward as what I just wrote above. When you're hanging on by the skin of your teeth it's completely different. Still, it's a place to start...