Wow, I cant stop shaking........

[fNord]

In most of the post I have made in the two and a half years that I have been at DU, I have been jovial and absurd. But in this post, I could not be more serious. I would just like it if anyone could help me calm down, as I am trembling right now. Please, all that respond, be gentile, as I have never shared something this personal with DU before.


Early January, I opted not to join the army after applying in early September.. This decision was devastating to my family, all of whom are military/ex-military.

my Father is a retired AF Colonel, who is currently working as a Diplomat for NATO. They haven't spoken to me since, with the exception of my sister(AF Sargent), who just had to undergo major surgery. My uncle,(retired Navy) just sent me an e-mail asking if I wanted the Obama paraphernalia that we collected wile campaigning together last year.

This was my response: (Names have been removed)




Yes, I would like these things. But more importantly, I would like a continued relationship with you.

I need time....as I'm sure you do. I haven't been able to start a dialog with anyone in the family except ---- and ----, and sadly, this is only because of ----'s resent medical problems. I want to, but I truly don't know what to say. I never wanted to hurt anyone, but I had to follow my heart. And my heart told me that enlisting was wrong. I tried to defy what I felt, tried to tell myself that it was just jitters about a lifestyle change, or maybe just flat out cowardice. But it wasn't. What I did WAS the right choice for ME. I admit, a little more tact would have been better, and I am sorry that I got the entire family's hope up that I would join the Army, even my own, but I couldn't do it. Dad himself told me "maybe the reason that it is taking so long is that God is sending you a message." I doubt this is the message that Dad was thinking of, but I know in my heart that it was the right choice. Walking out on the Army, and therefore my entire family, was the single hardest, scariest, and most courageous thing I have ever done. And I have looked down the barrel of a gun and told the man holding it to go fuck himself, because I was not giving him the last 12 dollars I had to my name. That was a sunny day compared to telling Dad I was bailing, and then listing to him cuss me out for two hours. I love my Father, and I would really like his approval. But not at the expense of my soul. I do not condemn him, or ----, or you for that mater, because I know that you were following your own path. In fact, I applaud you for it. But I have to follow my own path, too, and the military is not a part of it. You yourself told me 1001 reasons why I would not fit in the Army. Believe me, I had ten times that amount already lodged in the back of my mind. I did want it. I did. But it turns out that the reason, the ONLY reason i wanted it, was to finally be accepted by my family. It wasn't money, or stability, on any of the the wonderful things the military lifestyle promised, but just so that my Mom and Dad would no longer think of me with tears of shame in there eyes. But sadly, I realized that if that was the only thing that would make my family respect me, than none of you would truly respect ME. None of you would truly KNOW me. And I cant live a bold faced lie just so those closest to me would love and respect what I was pretending to be. Nothing would have changed. And that is what I was/am so hurt about. That's what kills me inside. It seems that you don't love me, respect me, and hell, none of you even like me. I understand why, I mean I'm nothing like any of you. I am a bad seed in your eyes, the black sheep of the ---- Family. But I am not A bad person. I have never raped anybody, never killed anybody, and aside from not living up to your "rocket scientist" expectations, I have never really hurt anybody either.

I love you ----, as I love all my family. and I would like to be involved in your life again. I would also like All of you to respect me for who and what I am, but if any or all of you are unwilling or able to give me this, it is something I will have to accept, and something you will have to square with in your own conscience some day.

With unyielding love,
------ ------ ------

[texanwitch]

1. It was your choice to make, it is your life.

I spent 4 years in the Army but didn't plan on making it a career.

I had some great times, also some not so great times.

Military life isn't for everyone, it wasn't for me.

I did my time and got the hell out.

[PassingFair]

2. They'll get over it.

You have to do what's right for YOU.

Now REALLY piss them off, join Americorps!

[fNord]

4. thats kind of funny....

I have often thought of joining the Peace Corps.

part of what pisses them off is that they think I have never decided what I am going to do w/ my life....and there right.

But I KNOW that I don't want to join the army, if even for a little wile.

I don't believe its wrong for every one, but it is not right for me.

[PassingFair]

6. Do it.

It's a way to serve without signing
on to possibly kill someone.

[Dystopian]

11. The Peace Corps....give it more thought, please...

Your letter was beautiful and heartffelt...It's your life.

Each time I meet someone who has spent time in the Peace Corps, I never forget.
I wept when two of my children told me that they wanted to join, but had no skills/education.
My daughter is now a mother and nurse....but I'll never forget when she was young and that's what she wanted.
Serving to benefit humanity is a beautiful thing....
I truly hope that you follow your dreams ....whatever they are...
Best wishes to you...


peace~

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. I can't imagine how any family member could in good conscience

reject or not be moved by that statement. I hope you will be able to reconcile with your family and that they will accept your decision as the right thing for you. Good luck.

[applegrove]

5. Wow. That is really tough when your family have expectations that

you will follow the family narrative. No doubt being part of the armed forces was an important thing for each of them but you are right to follow your own beliefs. Your life is yours and only yours until you have a family of your own and then your life is about your family. I'm glad you spoke out to your uncle. I hope that gets the ball rolling because though disappointed your family has no right to write you off and cut off contact.

[fNord]

7. the thing of it is......

Though I was in a military household all of my young life....It wasn't like I lived with a Drill instructor. My Father was one of the most caring and loving people I have ever had the privilege of meeting. He was incredibly smart, and our late night talks really helped me to understand the world when I was a kid. He was kind to a fault. Also, He was Deeply Christian. Not that evangelical type, or always warning about the rapture, or the lake of fire....but more a student of Jesus' teachings. things like love, patience, and definitely FORGIVENESS.

so after 8+months of silence, I am really at a loss, because I know that I could easily replace all of the "was" in this post with "is."

(edited for spelling)

[applegrove]

8. Write your dad and tell him you understand he is dissapointed but you love and miss him.

Don't be afraid of rejection. The sooner you & he reconnect the better.

[Shell Beau]

10. That silence between families is BULLSHIT!!!

He would regret it DEEPLY if something were to happen to you. My mom had to kick out my oldest brother. He was on a path to nowhere. He had DUIs, he got dishonorably discharged from the Navy, etc., etc. My mom kicked him out of the house after everything became too much. He was 24. Came home drunk every night. And this was after the Navy deal. The day she kicked him out was the last time she saw him. He was killed in a car accident a month later. Her last time she spoke to him, they left on bad terms. 13 years later, she still lives with huge amounts of regret. Even though I believe she did what she had to as not to enable his demons, her last memory of him is not what she wishes it were. Life is too short. I really hope your family comes around. I am sorry. :hug:

[Shell Beau]

9. I know how military families work. My grandmother

was quite the opposite of your family when my cousin chose to sign up. He is 18 and just got out of boot camp. She didn't want him going to Iraq or Afghanistan. She was married to a Marine and her son went into the Air Force. My cousin's dad and mom were in the Air Force. He wanted to sign up for the Army. She chose not to accept it. Look, it is YOUR life. YOU have to choice to make your own path. Why would they want to see you unhappy? They obviously wouldn't. But in their minds, they are thinking you are them. YOu would be happy living that lifestyle. You have an obligation..... No, you only have an obligation to yourself at this point. I hope your family can accept that you chose what works for you. What makes you happy. Lord knows I wouldn't have signed up either. Good luck!

[mzteris]

12. sounds like

you've got a good head on your shoulders and a good heart.

If your family doesn't accept you for who YOU are, then it is truly their loss.

I think you've pretty much said it all to them at this point. You really need to focus on yourself and what you want to do with your life. You don't have to make a life-long decision today, just start thinking about the things you want to do, that you LOVE to do, and then prepare to do them.

I don't know what else to say to you - just :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug: :hug:

[Strong Atheist]

13. Wow. That is rough. I can add you to p/t/v in the MILESTONES if you

wish...


:hug:

[fNord]

15. I have been here for a wile...

and I still don't know what that means.

It sounds like an honer of sorts, so thank you, but please explain it to me.

[Strong Atheist]

16. Ah. Prayers/Thoughts/Vibes. nt.

[fNord]

17. please.

I think I could use all three of those right now.

:hug:thank you

[Strong Atheist]

18. It will be out tomorrow; or thursday at the LATEST.

:hug:

[fNord]

19. please forgive my ignorance agin......

but where would one find something like that?

[Strong Atheist]

20. Ah, again. Well, you search here in the Lounge for MILESTONES.

:blush:


This was the last one:


http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=9009504


Waaaay down the page is p/t/v, in a reddish color...

Edited: Currently, they come out every three or four days. I have gotten lazy...


:blush:

[fNord]

21. wow....

that is a beautiful thing that you do.

[Strong Atheist]

22. !

:blush:

[appal_jack]

14. once you see the fnords...

I can understand why the military loses its lustre as a career option... ;-)

I'm sorry that your family is giving you the silent treatment, but I think that your letter is a good reaching-out. I agree with the poster up-thread who encourages you to reach-out to your Dad smilarly. You are of his flesh and blood - a connection that cannot and should not be broken, but your life is YOURS not his.

Best of luck fNord - you are among friends here!

-app

[fNord]

23. no kidding....

once you have walked this path the military is something you just cant be a part of.

as I have said before, I have nothing against others who chose to serve, But I am choosing not to.

[Common Sense Party]

24. I'll never be able to understand completely what you're going through

because I'm not from a military family, I guess.

When you say "Walking out on the Army, and therefore my entire family," that strikes me as crazy. Not you. Just the idea that choosing not to follow one path is seen as turning one's back on the entire family. That's nuts. Have they expressed to you that's how they feel?

I haven't exactly turned out the way my parents expected, but they got over it. People do.