bicentennial_baby
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Mon Sep-14-09 03:37 PM
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I don't really post here anymore, but a PSA for parents and others: |
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My Dad died suddenly on Friday night. No will, no savings. I am currently dealing with a lot of bureaucracy and insurance companies and creditors, and basically trying to get my Dad buried. I wish I had the time to grieve right now, but I don't.
So please, make arrangements before you get too old, sick, whatever to do so. It's the least you can do for your survivors.
This is a vent and a PSA. This is a very frustrating process. x(
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JVS
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Mon Sep-14-09 03:40 PM
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1. My condolences. Wasn't you mother also ill? Anyway, my heart goes out to you... |
bicentennial_baby
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Mon Sep-14-09 03:46 PM
Original message |
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She's permanently hospitalized.
Thank you, friend. :hug:
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gmoney
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Mon Sep-14-09 03:41 PM
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2. My sympathies to you and your family |
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Yes, that funeral planning process is about the hardest thing to deal with while grieving, and no will complicates things as well.
I hope you have other family supporting you during this difficult time. :hug:
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CaliforniaPeggy
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Mon Sep-14-09 03:46 PM
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My deepest condolences on the loss of your beloved Dad...
It's always a shock, even when you know it's coming...
You are so right about making the appropriate arrangements before your family needs them...
My husband and I have done this and I know our kids will appreciate it.
You are missed here...
:hug:
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bicentennial_baby
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Mon Sep-14-09 03:51 PM
Response to Reply #3 |
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The shock has passed, but man, I have a mile-long list of things to deal with. This is exhausting.
And good on both of you for doing that. Sniffa and I are going to start working on our own arrangements asap.
:hug:
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MountainLaurel
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Mon Sep-14-09 03:46 PM
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4. My condolences, Bi Baby |
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Mr. Laurel had to deal with much the same thing earlier this year. It was a nightmare.
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Bunny
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Mon Sep-14-09 03:50 PM
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5. My condolences during this difficult time. |
graywarrior
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Mon Sep-14-09 04:05 PM
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7. So sorry to hear this, bi-baby. |
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I know you've been dealing with this for a long, long time. Anything I can do?
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Call Me Wesley
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Mon Sep-14-09 04:14 PM
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8. Safe passage to your dad. |
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May he be free from suffering. Peace and comfort to you and yours. :hug:
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Crabby Appleton
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Mon Sep-14-09 04:33 PM
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9. My condolences to you and your family |
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and I completely agree with your PSA.
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Demoiselle
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Mon Sep-14-09 05:42 PM
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It's hard enough to lose your dad...to face all this other stuff just adds to the pain. Hang in there.
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jonnyblitz
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:02 PM
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11. huge hugs from me to you and Sniffa. |
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hang in there. SMOOOOOCH :hug:
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bicentennial_baby
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:53 PM
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I'm so overwhelmed. This really, really sucks. :hug:
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jonnyblitz
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Mon Sep-14-09 07:39 PM
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JohnnyLib2
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:08 PM
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12. I'm sorry, knowing you have been down a long and hard road. |
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And I sure agree with your PSA.
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susanr516
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:17 PM
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I know what you're going through. My son has a friend whose father died suddenly, without a will. It's been almost three years now, and they are nowhere near settling everything. The sad thing is that he and sister may well lose every penny they could have inherited through lawyer's fees.
Everyone should have a will, even if it's just handwritten.
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RFKHumphreyObama
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:22 PM
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14. My deepest, sincerest and most heartfelt thoughts, prayers, sympathies and condolences |
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Edited on Mon Sep-14-09 06:23 PM by RFKHumphreyObama
to you and your family Bi_Baby, I'm so sorry:hug:
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hippywife
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:33 PM
Response to Original message |
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Edited on Mon Sep-14-09 06:34 PM by hippywife
has a small amount for funeral/burial. I think it's something like $255. Not much, but it's something.
Sorry to hear about your dad and all the troubles you are dealing with. Have you considered cremation? Much cheaper.
Hope it all clears up for you soon. :hug:
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bicentennial_baby
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:53 PM
Response to Reply #15 |
21. Yes, but that's $1000 minimum |
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Latest quote I got, $2500. Money's not there. What a fucking racket.
Thanks :hug:
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hippywife
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Mon Sep-14-09 07:17 PM
Response to Reply #21 |
25. Any local universities |
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willing to accept donation. If you're okay with that, most do the cremation and a memorial service later with the families invited.
That's about all I got, hon. :hug:
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rcrush
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Mon Sep-14-09 08:05 PM
Response to Reply #21 |
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If you dont have insurance they will take you to the cleaners. I had to choose a basic cremation and least priced urn. Cost $1000 not including cost for the cemetary. Another $1000 or I could have scattered the ashes somewhere but I wasnt going to deal with that.
I had to use one of those 'crimescene cleanup' services when my mom died also. They tried to take me for $20,000!
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rcrush
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Mon Sep-14-09 08:01 PM
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32. $255 wont get you anything at a funeral home |
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It is a racket. If you dont have insurance they will take you to the cleaners. I had to shop around for the cheapest home in town and most inexpensive option is a cremation plus all the charges for the cemetary and burial. Cheapest cremation was $999. Then the cemetary has all their costs.
A friend of mine installs televisions and home theatre systems for people and he told me he installed a bunch of flat screen tv's in a funeral home. And that the owner of the funeral home paid to have almost 15 Televisions mounted in his new big house. They make A LOT of money.
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bicentennial_baby
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Mon Sep-14-09 08:17 PM
Response to Reply #32 |
36. We are lucky in one respect (or several) |
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My father was a service-connected 100% disabled Veteran. The VA won't cover cremation, but we will be partially reimbursed. They also cover the casket, burial, gravestone, etc at the National Military Cemetery on Cape Cod.
I know I could have it worse, but damn, it's frustrating.
I'm sorry for what you went through. :hug:
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nuxvomica
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:38 PM
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16. I'm so sorry, bicentennial baby |
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Even though my dad had carefully planned everything, including an up-to-date will, we still had issues to deal with after his death. Your situation must be a nightmare by comparison and I'm sorry you have to go through this on top of your personal loss. I know you'll get through this ok because you're smart and you and your husband are good people. Peace to you and your family, and take care of yourself. :hug:
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Inchworm
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:40 PM
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Haole Girl
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:48 PM
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I almost passed this thread without clicking on it because of the term PSA... just thought it was something about children illness or something.
So sorry to hear about your loss. I know your father was very ill for a long time, but nothing can truly prepare a person.
:hug:
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av8rdave
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:49 PM
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19. So sorry for your loss |
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Great advice on the will issue. I'm glad I took care of it!
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SoxFan
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:54 PM
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mwdem
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:55 PM
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23. I'm so sorry to hear this. |
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You've gone through a lot with both of your parents, and now this. I had to do the same thing when my dad died (nearly 20 years ago). This is a good reminder for me and my husband to go over everything and make sure it's the way we want things to go. I'm so sorry you're going through this.:hug:
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question everything
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Mon Sep-14-09 06:56 PM
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24. So sorry to hear about your loss |
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and my deep condolences.
In reality we are all too buy in making a living, watching over friends and families and, I suppose, some superstition about writing a will that we never get around to it.
And it is not just a will, it is also a living will. While your dad died suddenly, at least your family did not have to worry about directives to hospitals and other care takers.
And, please, don't go at it alone. Find someone who has done this before and who can offer a helping hand.
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kaiden
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Mon Sep-14-09 07:20 PM
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26. So sorry, Bi-Baby. Every time I knit I think of you. |
applegrove
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Mon Sep-14-09 07:49 PM
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28. I'm so sorry bi baby. Don't forget to cry hard whenever you need to. |
Gormy Cuss
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Mon Sep-14-09 07:54 PM
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29. Absolutely spot on, and I'm sorry that you're going through this. |
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We were lucky to be a cast of thousands who could divvy up the work and expenses when our mother died. The cremation rates are a fucking racket. Don't get me started.
:hug:
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BarenakedLady
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Mon Sep-14-09 07:56 PM
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rcrush
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Mon Sep-14-09 07:58 PM
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31. I am going through the same thing |
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Er I went through the same thing with my mom and am having to deal with lots of shit keeping my dad in a nursing home. Its damn near impossible when you havent seen the family in years but end up the only one available.
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bicentennial_baby
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Mon Sep-14-09 08:19 PM
Response to Reply #31 |
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Dad died, Mom is permanently hospitalized. She's 'lucky' to have one of very few rare diseases that make it easier for her to get benefits, ALS.
It just sucks though. :hug:
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Bossy Monkey
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Mon Sep-14-09 08:06 PM
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34. So sorry, both for the death and for the accompanying circumstances |
GardeningGal
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Mon Sep-14-09 08:10 PM
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35. I think the one of the greatest gifts my parents gave us was making |
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their funeral arrangements (and pre-paying) so that we would not have to deal with it when the time came.
I'm sorry for your loss and hope that the process gets better for you.
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LibDemAlways
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Mon Sep-14-09 08:29 PM
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38. My dad passed away recently too. First of all, my |
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sincere condolences. I know what you are going through, and it's not easy.
My dad had made no arrangements either. My mom fortunately handled everything, and while she was at it, she made plans for herself as well. I know that was hard, but I also know that she was trying to spare us a lot of future guesswork and expense.
Unfortunately funeral directors/mortuaries find it all too easy to take advantage of people at a very vulnerable time, and their services don't come cheap. I wasn't entirely happy with what transpired with regard to my dad as I think they may have not been entirely honest with my mother. However, it's done and over and I don't intend to revisit it.
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts. I hope eventually memories of good times shared with your dad sustain you and help to bring you peace.
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tigereye
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Mon Sep-14-09 09:00 PM
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:hug:
We had to write a check to bury my FIL many years back (not that I minded - he was a totally cool guy, but my MIL was kind of stuck and there was a lot of denial about things...)
I totally agree with you.
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BlueIris
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Mon Sep-14-09 09:03 PM
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40. Terribly sorry you're having to deal with all that, bb. nt |
Danger Mouse
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Mon Sep-14-09 09:06 PM
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41. I'm sorry to hear about your father. |
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I hope you have been well. :( :hug:
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