Name: Justin
Bio: I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down shit that he says
http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays 1. "You're gonna run into jerk offs. But remember, it's not the size of the asshole you worry about, it's how much shit comes out of it."
about 7 hours ago 2. "I wouldn't worry about money...No, it has a lot to do with happiness, I just meant YOU shouldn't worry, cause you'd just piss it away."
9:28 AM Sep 22nd 3. "No, you can not borrow my t-shirt...How about instead of standing there looking shocked, you do your fucking laundry?"
3:30 PM Sep 21st 4. I think the baby shit....Well, I'm smelling shit right now, so if it ain't the baby, one of you has a big fucking problem."
12:05 PM Sep 20th 5. "Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."
10:38 AM Sep 19th 6. "The universe does not give a fuck about you. You are a speck in its shit."
3:00 PM Sep 17th 7. "Fucking Radio Shack. It's a wonder they even know how to use a bathroom and don't just walk around all day with shit in their pants."
12:08 PM Sep 16th 8. "Don't listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son."
11:57 AM Sep 15th 9. "Happy birthday, I didn't get you a present...Oh, mom got you one? Well, that's from me then too, unless it's shitty."
9:52 AM Sep 14th 10. "Anytime someone sells you food in a sack, it's not a sack of food, it's a sack of shit."
11:29 AM Sep 13th 11. "I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."
8:54 AM Sep 11th 12. "Why the fuck would I want to live to 100? I'm 73 and shit's starting to get boring. By the way, there's no money left when I go, just fyi."
2:58 PM Sep 10th 13. 'You don't know shit, and you're not shit. Don't take that the wrong way, that was meant to cheer you up."
12:01 PM Sep 9th 14. "Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal."
2:04 PM Sep 8th 15. "The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"
12:41 PM Sep 7th 16. "Who in the fuck is tila tequila? Is she a stripper?...That's her? Yeah, that's a stripper, son, I don't give a shit what you say."
11:22 AM Sep 6th 17. "Everybody loves that Da Vinci code book. Bullshit, it sucks. I read it. It's for all the dummies."
12:24 PM Sep 5th 18. "I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it"
9:28 AM Sep 4th 19. “You touched that god damned biscuit. Bullshit, I saw you touch it….I don’t give a shit about your evidence, this isn’t a court of law."
2:01 PM Sep 3rd 20. "It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"
1:12 PM Sep 2nd 
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
