Jesus vs. Santa

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

Which mythical figure is superior to the other? I mean you've got Santa- this jolly, fat, elf who gives you presents, usually regardless of whether you've been naughty or not. He's probably a little tipsy, but still manages to get his sleigh driven by magic fucking reindeer safely around on a dark snowy night. He can levitate up chimneys. He's got a bag of holding. You can sit on his lap without getting blood all over yourself. And generally, he's always in a pretty good mood.

Jesus, on the other hand, is some sort of skinny Ur-hippie who, despite having water-walking and healing superpowers, got nailed to a cross and wants us to feel guilty about it. He died because we were naughty, or some damn thing.

What say ye, oh drunken sots of the Lounge?

[Arugula Latte]

1. I'm deeply offended.

How dare you call Santa "mythical"?

[HopeHoops]

2. The original South Park short was "Jesus vs. Santa Claus" - way before the TV show.

"Don't say 'pig fucker' in front of Jesus".

http://www.vidilife.com/video_play_329678_south_park_jesus_vs_santa_claus.htm

[baldguy]

3. Jesus doesn't spend the off season building toys for good little children.

[elshiva]

4. Here:

[rcrush]

5. Steve Holt!