When the bible thumpers in uncomfortable shoes come selling their candy-ass version of Jesus...

[HopeHoops]

How do you handle it?

On Edit: Dang - I forgot to include an option for "I give them a shitload of money and listen to their bullshit". Oh well.

[arbusto_baboso]

1. Other. I answer the door naked....

with a bottle of whiskey in one hand, and a kitchen knife in the other. Then I say, "Could you come back later? We're not done with the virgin yet."

Sure, the police may come by, but when you show them all over your house and they see that you are sober and sane (well, sober, anyway), they'll just think the God-botherers are the crazy ones.

[HopeHoops]

2. OOOoooh! I like that one. That would give the cops yet ANOTHER story about me!

I'll have to try it.

[TK421]

11. wow...you stole my answer almost exactly word for word

[arbusto_baboso]

28. But if I posted it, it's not your answer anymore, is it?

[cloudbase]

3. I usually ask them if they're here

to pick up the cat I've got up for adoption.

[arcadian]

4. Mmmmm.... Candy-ass, Jesus.

[fizzgig]

24. sacrilicious

*drool*

[kentauros]

5. In the eleven years I've lived here, they've only shown up once.

And that wasn't to proselytize; they wanted to know if another resident still lived in our apartments. I guess they were friends :)

[HopeHoops]

6. I would have answered, "He used to, but we cooked and ate him."

That would screw with their heads.

[kentauros]

7. Since they weren't trying to sell me their way of life,

I treated them like fellow human beings and was polite :)

Besides, I'm a Texan; I can't help but be polite :P

[HopeHoops]

8. Yeah, well, I can be kind of a dick at times.

And getting shocked expressions out of people is sort of fun. I have a great time with telemarketers, that is when I'm not ignoring the call. I like to answer in Russian and keep it up until they get pissed or befuddled, whichever causes them to hang up.

[kentauros]

9. I could have used you during this last runoff election.

Although, we have a fair-sized Russian population here (Houston) so you might still have gotten a callbank operator that knew the language :P

[HopeHoops]

10. So I would switch to German. No biggie.

If that doesn't work, there's always Klingon.

[kentauros]

12. I know German wouldn't work and I'm not even sure Klingon would do the trick.

We are "Space City", so plenty of geeks abound :P

I seem to recall reading a Houston Press story long-time back that mentioned we had something like 78 languages spoken at any given time in this city, so we are rather diverse...

[HopeHoops]

18. Well, I could spell out my answer in ASCII hex, or binary if needed.

[Crazy Dave]

25. That's me

No need being rude or ugly and If it's hot outside I offer them something to drink.

[kentauros]

26. I never think about the "heat" part

since I love the heat myself, but it's a good idea :thumbsup:

[AsahinaKimi]

13. Its called " Home Security "

They have to buzz to get in and there are too many numbers. If they get the right one, I speak in Japanese!

[Quantess]

14. Answer the door stark naked.

[kentauros]

15. Does it always have to be "stark" naked?

It can't just be mildly naked, or hinting at nakedness? :P

[Quantess]

16. Oh, a flabby body in dingy underwear is an awesome deterrent to unwanted guests.

Even if you aren't flabby, the shock value alone is enough to cause the missionaries to move along.
:D

[kentauros]

17. I suppose one of my t-shirts with the nekkid centauress on it

would work just as well, too :P

[Iggo]

19. "No thank you" and shut the door while they're still talking. (n/t)

[Deep13]

20. Tell them we are atheists and that they are wasting their time. nt

[deucemagnet]

21. I doesn't happen often, but when it does

I usually say, "I don't practice religion and I'm not interested," and they usually leave. If they try to give me literature, I let them know they're just wasting it because I'll throw it out, and if they don't take that hint I'll make good on the promise. Maybe it's just my tone of voice, but firm and polite usually sends 'em along to the next "sinner".

[peekaloo]

22. I once had a pleasant talk with a man from the Jehovah's Witlessness.

Two things that stayed with me: (1) he told me prostitutes had been around forever and they were all over the Bible but why he did not know (2) he used the term "fellaters of men" when I asked about the condemnation of gay people. Also Satan is an artsy fartsy type who encourages homosexuals to participate in the arts as an "in your face" to God.


p.s. I only answered the door because I thought it was my neighbor returning a gardening tool.

[HopeHoops]

23. One of my favorite times was when I was out weeding the garden and they pulled into the court.

I was on my knees weeding and an obvious target. All of the other neighbors pulled their curtains shut. They came up and asked if I wanted to talk about Jesus. I said "sure" and then spent 45 minutes or so lecturing them about what the Bible really meant and how there is evidence that the seals of Revelation are being opened as we speak. They were obviously getting uncomfortable in their stupid shoes so I kept going until they made their escape and drove away. Several of the neighbors complimented me later for keeping them away. I got a lot of weeding done during that time.

[Kali]

27. I apologize to them for wasting their time and probably breaking something on their car

while politely pointing out that there is a phone number on the sign at the beginning of the 2 miles of hell that is our road.

If they get pushy I firmly tell them we are not interested, that we come from a scientific background.

Our road is worse than ever and they haven't been down here in several years.

[guitar man]

29. Dogs are wonderful pets

:evilgrin:

[mitchum]

30. I offer the Mormons coffee and tell the Jehovah's Witnesses that I'm a Freemason

[Schema Thing]

31. just curious

why Freemason?



(I was raised as a JW and am aware of the founder's connection to Freemasonry, but most JW's are not at all aware... though I'm sure most would hand wave it away if they found out).