BREAKING: Body of Huckleberry Finn exhumed, new autopsy reveals he didn't actually have "fins"

[Amerigo Vespucci]

The body of Mississippi River adventurer Huckleberry Finn, who was killed with a single bullet during a poker game in 1920, was recently exhumed by forensic specialists at the University of Kentucky at Lexington. Weeks of painstaking study have revealed that Huckleberry Finn did not actually have "fins."

When reminded that "Finn" was only his name and that neither Mark Twain nor Finn himself ever claimed to have "fins," Chief of Forensic Medicine John Antolini replied "And how could we possibly come to that conclusion without conducting this new autopsy?"

A Lexington watchdog agency claims that Antolini and his staff appropriated funds from the project to indulge in lap dances and single malt Scotches at a local gentleman's club, Twitchy McShivers.

"That's preposterous," shouted Antolini. I know of at least three members of my staff who ordered blended Scotch, NOT single malt. I am offended by these unfounded allegations."

MORE: Huck Finn Did Not Have Fins

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1. Top Scientists Baffled!!!!!

Not too unusual, really...

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