In honor of the death of Oral Roberts, a couple of Zappa classics:

[Initech]

Dumb All Over

Whoever we are
Wherever we're from
We shoulda noticed by now
Our behavior is dumb
And if our chances
Expect to improve
It's gonna take a lot more
Than tryin' to remove
The other race
Or the other whatever
From the face
Of the planet altogether

They call it THE EARTH
Which is a dumb kinda name
But they named it right
'Cause we behave the same . . .
We are dumb all over
Dumb all over,
Yes we are
Dumb all over,
Near 'n far
Dumb all over,
Black 'n white
People, we is not wrapped tight

Nurds on the left
Nurds on the right
Religious fanatics
On the air every night
Sayin' the Bible
Tells the story
'N makes the details
Sound real gory
'Bout what to do
If the geeks over there
Don't believe in the book
You got over here

You can't run a race
Without no feet
'N pretty soon
There won't be no street
For dummies to jog on
Or doggies to dog on
Religious fanatics
Can make it be all gone
(It won't blow up
'N disappear
It'll just look ugly
For a thousand years . . . )

You can't run a country
By a book of religion
Not by a heap
Or a lump or a smidgeon
Of foolish rules
Of ancient date
Designed to make
You all feel great
While you fold, spindle
And mutilate
Those unbelievers
From a neighboring state

TO ARMS! TO ARMS!
Hooray! That's great
Two legs ain't bad
Unless there's a crate
They ship the parts
To mama in
For souvenirs: two ears (Get Down!)
Not his, not hers (but what the hey?)
The Good Book says:
"It gotta be that way!"
But their book says:
"REVENGE THE CRUSADES . . .
With whips 'n chains
'N hand grenades . . . "
TWO ARMS? TWO ARMS?
Have another and another
Our God says:
"There ain't no other!"
Our God says
"It's all okay!"
Our God says
"This is the way!"

It says in the book:
"Burn 'n destroy . . .
Repent, 'n redeem
'N revenge, 'n deploy
'N rumble thee forth
To the land of the unbelieving scum on the other side
'Cause they don't go for what's in the book
'N that makes 'em BAD
So verily we must choppeth them up
And stompeth them down
Or rent a nice French bomb
To poof them out of existance
While leaving their real estate just where we need it
To use again
For temples in which to praise
OUR GOD
("Cause he can really GO HAWAIIAN!")

And when his humble TV servant
With a brown suit,
Glasses,
Maybe a blonde wife who takes phone calls
Tells us it's okay to do this stuff
Then we gotta do it,
'Cause if we don't do it,
We ain't gwine up to hebbin!
Ain't that right?
It's right.
I mean, seriously,
This television evangelist stuff is
DANGEROUS BUSINESS.
Don't let 'em get ya.
Anyway, listen.
We can't really be dumb
If we're just following God's Orders
After all He wrote this book here
An' in the book it says:
"He made us all to be just like Him," so . . .
If we're dumb . . .
Then God is dumb . . .
(An' maybe even a little ugly on the side)

DUMB ALL OVER
A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE
DUMB ALL OVER
A LITTLE UGLY ON THE SIDE

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhawrtsnkWE&feature=related

Heavenly Bank Account



And if these words you do not heed
Your pocketbook just kinda might recede
When some man comes along and claims a godly need
He will clean you out right through your tweed

That's right, remember there is a big difference between kneeling down and bending over . . .

He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account . . .
All from those chumps who was
Born again
Oh yeah, oh yeah

He's got seven limousines
And a private plane . . .
All for the use of his
Special Friends
Oh yeah, oh yeah

He's got thousand-dollar suits
And a Wembley Tie . . .
Girls love to stroke it
While he's on the phone
Oh yeah, oh yeah

At the House of Representatives
He's a groovy guy . . .
When he Gives Thanks
He is not alone . . .

He is dealin'
He is really dealin'
IRS can't determine
Where The Hook is

It is easy with the Bible
To pretend that
You're in Show Biz
(And a-one, and a-two, and a . . . )

They won't get him
They will never get him
For the naughty stuff
That he did
(No no no no, no no no no . . . )

It is best in cases like this
To pretend that
You are stupid
(DOH . . . )

He's got Presidential Help
All along the way
He says the grace
While the lawyers chew
Oh yeah
They sure do

And the Governors agree to say:
"He's a lovely man!"
He makes it easier for
Them to screw
All of you . . .
Yes, that's true!

'Cause he helps put The Fear of God
In the Common Man
Snatchin' up money
Everywhere he can
Oh yeah
Oh yeah

He's got twenty million dollars
In his Heavenly Bank Account
You ain't got nothin', people
(TAX THE CHURCHES!)
You ain't got nothin', people
(TAX THE BUSINESSES
OWNED BY THE CHURCHES!)
You ain't got nothin', people
Thank the man . . . oh yeah

That's right
You ain't got nothin'
And they got it all
And your miserable ass
Is up against the wall
The only thing you have not tried
It's the sport of chumps
And that's SUICIDE


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dqiOpePmnl0&feature=PlayList&p=C516155F872B2ECE&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=42

When The Lie's So Big



(Pinch it good!
You know, that confinement loaf is real good stuff
Hey, you oughta try some!)

They got lies so big
They don't make a noise
They tell 'em so well
Like a secret disease
That makes you go numb

With a big ol' lie
And a flag and a pie
And a mom and a bible
Most folks are just liable
To buy any line
Any place, any time

When the lie's so big
As in Robertson's case,
(That sinister face
Behind all the Jesus hurrah)

Could result in the end
To a worrisome trend
In which every American
Not "born again"
Could be punished in cruel and unusual ways
By this treacherous cretin
Who tells everyone
That he's Jesus' best friend

When the lies get so big
And the fog gets so thick
And the facts disappear
The Republican Trick
Can be played out again
People, please tell me when
We'll be rid of these men!

Just who do they really
Suppose that they are?
And how do they manage to travel as far
As they seem to have come?
Were we really that dumb?

People, wake up
Figure it out
Religious fanatics
Around and about
The Court House, The State House,
The Congress, The White House

Criminal saints
With a "Heavenly Mission" --
A nation enraptured
By pure superstition

Do you believe in the Invisible Army?
(Yes, indeed!)

When the lie's so big
And the fog so thick
And the facts kept forgotten
Then the Republican Trick
(Ketchup is a vegetable!)
Can be played out again
People, please tell me when
We'll be rid of these men!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBIcxstki1w

[Zomby Woof]

1. The "You Are What You Is" album is one of Zappa's masterworks

For "Dumb All Over", "Heavenly Bank Account", and "The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing" alone, priceless.

And on top of that, Steve Vai's very first recordings on any album. :thumbsup:

[Initech]

6. That album is a fucking classic.

[blogslut]

2. Here's the cherry topping

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LA-AvBjBm5k

If I only Had a Brain - by MC 900ft JESUS
(Directed by Spike Jonze)

Suppose I accidentally got my shit together
Would I get a medal?
Or a pat on the back and a little feather
I could stick in my cap or pin it to my shirt
Go out in the yard and poke it in the dirt
Or leave it in the woods where it couldn't be found
If it fell over, would it make a sound?
And if it did, would it be the sound that you like?
Or should I do it over until I get it right?

You say everything I know is wrong
So do me a favor, and play along for a minute
As the rusty gears turn
Don't be alarmed if you smell something burning upstairs
It's a little BB rolling around in a box car
See us together

Maybe it wouldn't be hard to explain
If I only had a brain

Somewhere on a higher mental plain
I might learn to come in from the rain
If I had a clue would I still be here with you?
Gee whiz, if I only had a brain

Who's that?
Oh, my little friend cupid
Wearing a shirt that says I'm with stupid
Always nearby wherever I go
He's looking out for me, don't you know

Mr. excitement, never in a rut
Johnny on the spot with an arrow in the butt
Ouch! I guess your love is true
Now, if I could only get a clue

HadA Brain
Had a brain
had a brain
had a brain

[Ohio Joe]

3. Just Put Your Hands on the Screen

By Martin Briley
From the album - One Night With A Stranger

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKLtY45D2JU

America, are you listening to me?
Jesus sends me
To show how good your life can be
We don't care if you're sinners
We don't want to know where you've been
You can wash yourself clean
Just put your hands on the screen


Our lines are open
And now we wait for you to call
If your chair is comfy
You hardly have to move at all
There's a church on the corner
But you haven't been for a while
But don't touch that dial
Just put your hands on the screen


The choir is singing
And everybody's feeling good
The phones are ringing
From Bethlehem to Hollywood
So move in closer
Let your faces feel the glow
There's a holy presence
Right here in the studio
Bring the sick and the dying
And maybe together we'll see
Ze miracle of TV
Just put your hands on the screen

[LeftyFingerPop]

4. Yay! Someone that I didn't like died!!! Yay!!!

Yay!!

:woohoo:

[bbernardini]

5. Rockapella's version of "Heavenly Bank Account" is absolute perfection.

As is the Persuasions version of "The Meek Shall Inherit Nothing" from the same Zappa's Universe concerts.

Gotta love "Broadway The Hard Way" as well. My first Zappa album, believe it or not.

[Zomby Woof]

7. The Persuasions released an entire studio album of Zappa classics

It's called "Frankly A Capella" and worth tracking down.

[bbernardini]

8. It's already in my collection.

I think I even bought it the day it came out.