Guilt. We're moving, and I have been regularly feeding a feral cat...

[Flaxbee]

I just need to write this. I've talked to the venerable Bertha Venation about this, and she has stressed to me there is just no easy way to leave. It has helped immensely to have Bertha's counsel on this. But I wanted to just air my anguish to my fellow DUers for comment or criticism or comfort.

We have six cats of our own, and I feed stragglers. There is one guy who has become a regular. He is incredibly feral - though not quite so freaked out over me as before. But still - can't get within 5 feet of him.

Anyway. He hangs out around our home now, and I've fed him regularly for 8 months. Except when we've traveled, and then he's been on his own for stretches of up to 2 weeks.

I've called him "Cousin" because he resembles one of our cats. He's a long haired tuxedo, with a crooked, half moustache on the left side of his face. He has a crooked right ear, and the two features combined give him a very endearing, constantly puzzled appearance.

I have not been able to catch him, nor do I now have time - we leave in a little under two weeks. (The move came together suddenly. It is a lifeline for us - we have to get out of this horrid little town or else we're going to die here - no work, no future, it's a bad place and we just sort of got stuck. We have a chance to leave and are taking it.) If I did catch him, I'd have to take him to our local no-kill shelter (can't afford to take him to our vet directly - they'd charge hundreds of dollars, but my vet is the shelter's vet...), but in all likelihood he'd end up living in a cage the rest of his life, because he is not going to ever become someone's house cat. And I can't take a wild creature and have him put in a cage forever, even if the cage comes with regular food.

I feel like I'm betraying Cousin. He was full grown when he showed up - survived before, he'll survive again. The weather here isn't ever too bad, and we're by a small lake - there is lots of food for hunters. Our fat indoor/outdoor cat regularly brings us mice. It's an agricultural area. And he's now very filled out, thanks to 1-2 cans of Friskies every day, courtesy of yours truly.

I'm trying to wean him from regular food, but he was in a fight yesterday and I'm going to give him antibiotics ground up in his food for a week before we go to help him heal.

Then we're gone. His regular food is gone, and the little nook on the porch where he sometimes hangs out will be gone.

I'm glad I've helped him. But I feel so much guilt, and sadness. I remind myself that when we've traveled, I've just left as well, and he's survived just fine for the 5 or 10 days we've been gone. He always comes back within a day, doing his rounds.

Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far. I guess sometimes things just hurt, and can't be easily fixed.

I try to tell myself that wild creatures that have been rehabilitated are set back into the wild and must hunt to survive. Probably a stretch to link "Born Free" with my sweet little Cousin, but that's about the only thing that keeps me from weeping over this cat.

[Tobin S.]

1. There's nothing you can do, Flaxbee

:hug:

[Flaxbee]

3. thanks, Tobin

hug much appreciated.

[david13]

2. Well, I think, then, you can't leave. The law is that if you feed them

for two weeks, you own them. They are your pet.
But I understand, and you have explained, you have to do what you have to do.
He will come, and sit there, and look for you, and not understand how/why you are not there, with his food.
But he probably will survive.
And eat birds and insects and small animals. But not have his easier, softer way. So what can you do. You have thought it over, and have done the best you can.
dc

[Flaxbee]

4. yeah.

if we stay here, we won't be able to make a living. We've hung on by our fingertips, and are slipping.

So the likelihood is that, even if we stayed, I couldn't care for him anymore. Couldn't care for our current cats, couldn't keep a roof over our heads ... we have to leave.

I have helped him as long as possible, and now I have to help myself.

[Arkansas Granny]

5. I'm sorry you are faced with this decision that is troubling you so much.

I don't know of anything else you can do for this kitty that you haven't already done. I'm sure he has resources that you are not aware of and will survive, even though it might take a little more effort to find food. I also have been feeding and providing shelter for a feral tom cat for over 5 years now. I sometimes don't see him for weeks at a time, so I feel like he doesn't need my help, it's just a convenience for him when he's in the mood. Like you, I don't feel that taking him to a shelter to live the rest of his life in a cage would really be a kindness to him.

I hope your move works out well for you.

:hug:

[Flaxbee]

6. thanks, Arkansas Granny

:hug: back

I'd feed everyone who needed food if I could. Bertha also believes he has other resources, and I've seen him pretty far away from here a few times; he has a wide territory.

Thank you for taking care of your feral boy. Our neighbors next door have several cats (but also two big dogs); I'm going to ask them to leave some food out on occasion if they can do so safely for Cousin. It's worth a try.

I am going to try real hard not to do this again until I'm in a home I own.... we're moving to a small house and I'll feed whomever stops by, but not regularly, so long as we're in temporary housing.

I've found homes for 4 of the females who have come by here over the years - they were all docile and needed a family. Got them spayed, and placed one of them - the lovely Sonia - with madinmaryland. But this guy, Cousin, is just a wild boy.

[GoCubsGo]

7. I was in a similar situation about 10 years ago.

I was living in a rental house. There was a feral kitty I tried to turn into an indoor cat. After the third time she bolted out the door, there was no way I could coax her back in. I still kept putting food out for her, and she would come around and eat it. Well, my landlords wanted their house back, and the only affordable rentals at the time were apartments, and there was no way I could bring her along. So, I had no choice but to leave her. I felt the same way you do. My only consolations were that I had been able to get her spayed, and that the neighbors left food out for their cats. I'm pretty sure she was eating it before I even left♦, because she upchucked once or twice on my front porch, and it wasn't the brand of food I had been leaving out. I know she was a pretty good hunter, because she was always leaving presents on the porch. I still miss her, although I doubt she is still alive. She would be 16, which is unheard of for a feral kitty. I'm hope your neighbor will try to provide for Cousin. If not, maybe the no-kill shelter will trap him for you, and possibly release him somewhere where he can be fed. It's possible they are affiliated with one of the feral cat organizations, so please ask them if they can help. Sometimes there is only so much one can do, especially when it comes to feral animals. At least he had it a little easier for a while, thanks to you. That's something to hold onto.

[Flaxbee]

10. that's what I do hold on to. I helped him for as long as I could

I've talked to some of the shelters, and there's a "catman" here who feeds lots of cats - well, not here, but about a half hour away. He said if I brought him in, he'd just end up in a cage...

We'll see, though. I'll make some calls.

[kimi]

8. Alley Cat Allies has a "Feral Friends Network"

which can help locate other folks in your area who also care for feral cats. It's how I managed to catch my big reformed tom and have him neutered and vaccinated, and now he's a pampered indoor cat. I contacted ACA and they put me in touch with a woman about 2 miles away who had traps to lend out. Even if you don't have time to catch Cousin, they may be able to find someone who could take over feedings :shrug: or help in some other way to ease your mind about the big guy.

I feel for you, cause I've always fed strangers myself, and it's just a sad sad thing to leave and never know what happens. Good luck.

[Flaxbee]

9. I'll call them on Monday.

We're in a very small town, very rural, and he is used to being fed at this house -- not sure that someone else could come over here once the owners rent it out again and feed him. I also am wary of relocating him, since he knows this territory and moves quite comfortably through it, with his hidey-holes and comfort zones.

But I'll call. Thanks for reminding me.

[kimi]

11. ACA also has an e-mail inquiry form on their website

It's best to talk to someone in person though. You have lots of valid concerns, and talking to someone directly is the best way to get info. :)

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

12. Cats are smart

and Cousin will realize the good thing has come to an end and adapt. Animals mostly live in the moment so he won't spend as much time mourning your leaving as you are........... :)

[kayakjohnny]

14. Well said.

I have some experience with these little buggers too. They are resourceful and resilient and very good at what they do. The volume of info in their dna seems to work magic for them. I'm still not sure how they get so much mileage out of their ways. But they certainly do. I see this little critter doing ok in the long run.

[Riley18]

13. You might want to call your local animal control office. They have cages and

you can trap him. In my town, they pick them up and take them to the humane society. It is better than letting him starve to death. I have the same problem and found that the local no kill shelter won't take the cat directly. Only once it has not been adopted from the regular shelter will they take him. I trapped our stray on Wednesday and plan on checking up on him this week. Good luck with your kitty.

[hamsterjill]

15. Thanks for caring about him

Thank you for the time that you've taken care of him. You've done more than a lot of people would.

Now, please do make some phone calls and see if there are any options for him. I disagree with some of the up-posts that cats will adapt. Cousin has learned to depend on you, and it will not be easy for him to stop that dependence. Please see if there are any local rescue groups who can offer advice. Any chance you could trap him and take him with you? I've dealt with many ferals and a lot of them are not truly "feral", but rather "strays" that have been kicked out of a home and had to learn to act feral in order to survive. I've been through several situations like that where when, given some time and affection, they turned into lap cats again once they learn they are safe and secure. If you already have six...well, as the old saying goes...what's one more cat?

In all sincerity, I am not trying to make you feel bad here. Only you know what you can do and can not do. I send you my very best wishes that this situation will resolve in a way that you will feel comfortable about the ending. You obviously care very much about Cousin to have taken the time to write this.

[Flaxbee]

16. I understand what you're saying -- he is feral. Absolutely

All of our cats now were strays, and I've found homes for 4 others from this area who had obviously been pets before, and there were two fellas who used to come by here - one a true feral, the other a gentle wandering soul. Cousin chased them both off - he's fierce. And I'd bet has never been touched by a human before. I've had cats my entire life, except for the years I was in school. This guy's wild. Maybe with 3-4 years, I could gentle him, but not now. Maybe not ever. This is obviously one of his haunts, but once he's had his fill, he takes off. He only hangs around if he still wants some food, or if it's raining hard. But usually, he eats, and leaves. I'm just thankful I didn't do for him what I did for another feral in Virginia - set up a bed with heating pad that she got used to. Thankfully, the kids who bought our home kept her situation the same or else I'd never have been able to forgive myself. This time, at least, I restrained my urge to baby him so I'm not turning him out of his home, just removing his easy food supply.

I think he'll be OK. I hope he'll be OK. I have left for up to 10 days / 2 weeks at a time, and he's been fine. The weather here never gets very cold (20s at the lowest) and very little snow. Lots of fields. I'm trying to make myself feel better, but I think he'll adapt back to his old ways, and I hope I've given him some cushion with all the food I've given him. He's furry with his winter coat, but he's also sturdy and broad across the bum. I've been trying to wean him, but it's been hard for me to do.

Sigh.

[madinmaryland]

17. Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, Sonia will not allow us to adopt another boy!!

BTW, where ya'all moving? PM me.

[woo me with science]

18. Do you have a neighbor who would do this?

I know....It's a very long shot. But I would ask anyway, just in case you have an animal lover next door and don't know it. You could even leave them a couple of cases of Friskies if they agreed to do it...then by the time they run out, they hopefully would become attached, as well.

[Flaxbee]

19. they're OK, but it's kinda rowdy over there - two young boys,

a Golden Retriever no one has managed to train so he jumps all over everyone and everything... but they might feed him some. I'm going to go over there in a few days and ask that they just leave some dry out. They used to, and one of the other boys I'd fed would go over there as well.

They won't be as conscientious as I have been, even if they do leave food out. The tough part is raccoons, possums, all manner of other critters coming around....