Sell me on having kids

[Jack_Dawson]

I *want* to want this. Because if I want this, all my arguments w/ my younger gf will be solved.

:beer:

[AwakeAtLast]

1. I don't know about that

I don't want to sound harsh, but I don't think I can "sell" you on it. I think you either want them or you don't. If you try to convince yourself for your girlfriend, someone is going to be really disillusioned after six solid weeks of getting about 3 hrs. of sleep. And that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to child-rearing issues.

My advice is to offer to babysit for a friend for a day. That would give you a good idea of how life will be with a child and whether or not you really want that.

Besides, you may find out you don't right now, but that does not mean that your decision won't change later on.

Hope this helps!

[Jack_Dawson]

2. Thanks...every little bit helps n/t

[Common Sense Party]

91. "all my arguments w/ my younger gf will be solved."

No, they won't. And you know it. If anything, it will just cause more arguments down the road.

[MiddleFingerMom]

3. Sell me on having kids

.
I think that statement may constitute felonious solicitation -- the
solicitation of sex for remuneration along with the aggravating factor
of intentional fertilization.
.
If your state doesn't have the death penaly, they might lock you up
for pro-life plus 20.
.

.

[MrScorpio]

4. You want to buy kids?

Is this legal?

[redwitch]

5. It isn't for the faint hearted.

It requires fierce love, sleep deprivation, lots of worry.
And talk about expensive!

That being said, my sons have given me more joy than chocolate, sex, champagne or vacations abroad. Or having great seats to the Stones Exile on Main Street tour.

I really had no idea I could love so much until I had them. They are pure magic.

Raising children is not for everyone. And there are days...
I never cared much about other people's children. Sure, my nephews were cute. And toys are fun. But until I held my first child I simply had no idea. I worried before I had them, wondered if I would love them. Then they arrived and the question was erased forever. Their victories make my heart sing. Their defeats break my heart. I wouldn't change a thing.

[Jack_Dawson]

10. I'm going to bookmark this...thx

Still not sold, but extremely thought-provoking.

[tigereye]

28. what she said... very well said, I might add

[mochajava666]

95. Redwitch's advice is the best you have received so far

She has captured the pros and cons of being a parent.

One thing I might add is that you will have one world view and sense of priorities now, and a very different one with different priorities after you become a parent. Parenthood will change your life more that your mind could ever realize.

My youngest is off to college now, and I can safely say that I have no regrets having my kids. It's certainly not for everyone.

[jmowreader]

6. Go to dinner at Chuck E. Cheese on any Saturday night

One of two things will happen: your next post will have the IP of the local mental hospital attached, or it won't. If it doesn't, write back and ask about kids.

[zanana1]

8. Teach Jr. High for a few years.

I guarantee that'll get it out of your system.

[femmocrat]

If you have to be "sold" on the idea, it probably isn't right for you.

It's a 24/7 full-time commitment for about 22 years (or longer). Your life will no longer be your own. There will be both joy and heartbreak. It will cost you a fortune and you will have to defer your own wants and needs for the sake of the child.

However, if you really, truly want and will dedicate yourself to your children, there is no greater love or happiness. Experience with other people's children really cannot prepare you for your own, IMO.

[Jack_Dawson]

9. Very insightful...thx n/t

[GreenPartyVoter]

24. I had to drag hubby kicking and screaming into fatherhood. It wasn't that he

didn't want kids, though. It was that he was really nervous about the idea and so kept trying to kick it on down the road. But when the first one finally showed up, he cried. *sniffly smile*

So if it's that you aren't sure you're ready, that's one thing. If it's that you just don't like kids or don't want to be tied down and lose the spontaneity from your life, that's a whole different story. Think long and hard on this. (Not to be a total Debbie Downer, but I think disagreement on the issue of kids or no kids is one of the biggest factors in relationships coming to an end. So I really hope the two of you can come happily to an agreement one way or the other. :) Good luck!)

[REP]

7. Forcing something on someone is not a wise path

Would you make her do something she has no desire for or interest in? Would you make her do it for the next 18-20 years?

[LeftyMom]

11. The first year is hell. The second year merely sucks. After that it starts to be pretty fun.

Babies sleep much less than you'd think, they express themselves by bloodcurdling wailing, and once they learn to walk they spend the next year or two looking for ways to hurt themselves. It's a continual amazement to me that anybody ever has a second.

Convince your girlfriend to adopt a child of three or four. That way you can skip the crappy part and get right to the part where you get a fun compact human to hang out with instead of a screaming hell-creature bent on preventing you from sleeping.

[underpants]

14. I agree- the time at 3 am with the dryer running was horrid

Jack-You are bound to give up some sex for the kid---consider that

[tigereye]

31. yup, not fun when the only thing that will stop colicky wailing is a trip in

the car.


:hi:

[tigereye]

30. good assessment

although there is nothing like the smell and cuddliness of a newborn, the wonderful warm feelings that you have, and the beauty of that first laugh and smile, particularly when they aren't screaming. :D

[janx]

32. I didn't find it that way at all.

It was frightening to know that I was in charge of a baby human being, but it was intriguing at the same time! I do agree with the amount of effort and time involved though. What a trip.

[LeftyMom]

35. Mine had colic, didn't sleep much at all, and started running and climbing at seven months.

:scared:

He turned into a really great young man, but I'm not at all willing to put myself through that again. Sleep deprivation and getting screamed at are not things I enjoy.

[rebel with a cause]

55. I had one of those.

He was my second or he would have been an only child. :rofl:

Like yours, he is a really great young man and it makes me proud just to be his mother. My daughter is okay also, she just thinks she is my mother. :D

[snooper2]

97. My daughter just turned two months..

and is sleeping through the night already, 10:00PM Bottle then down till around 6:30-7:00AM :)

Her biggest word right now is boooii

[Fleshdancer]

12. nope

Having kids shouldn't be something anyone can sell you on.

[caitxrawks]

13. i agree, if you need to be sold, it may not be for you.

There are many great rewards when it comes to having kids, but if your heart just isn't in it, it's not worth it.

[Terra Alta]

15. I decided about 10 years ago

that I would be childfree by choice. I am now 28 and consider it the best decision I've ever made. I enjoy the time, money, and most importantly the lack of stress I have from not having any children. It may sound like I'm selfish, but as someone who has been diagnosed with major depression and anxiety.. I probably would not be the best mother anyway. Good luck to you in whatever you decide to do.

[Jack_Dawson]

16. very interesting. Did at any time you think you shoulda wants kids or anything?

Just looking for answers...

[Terra Alta]

20. there have been moments

when I would think, maybe it would be nice to have a kid of my own, or I would think of a name I would like for a potential child of mine... but then I see some kid throwing a screaming fit in the store because his/her parents wouldn't get them what they wanted, and I don't regret my decision to be childfree one bit.

[mzteris]

67. that was the parent's fault - not the childs!

Proper parenting will severely limit episodes like that.

That said, however, there are always some children with issues that have NOTHING to do with the parenting and you do have to be prepared to deal with children who are born with some type of disability/disorder.

[EndersDame]

23. Get a puppy dog!

You can have something to take care of and name( and it can be something really cool like Rocket or Nova unless your puppydog responds better than what your boyfriend who doesnt take care of her calls her)

I felt the same way you did about not wanting kids but occasionally thinking about it then I took in a 2mos old puppy and decided kids are not for me! I am a pretty responsible dog owner and take my position seriously !

I take her to the dog park everyday with out fail (even on the few snow days we have had here in Texas)
I get in the morning and take her out to walk her no matter what the weather is or how sick I am or if my knee is busted
I got up at 5 in the morning got the ice off my windshield (again here in Texas that is a big deal) to wait in line and got her spayed at a low cost clinic
I am STILL in the process of training her!
I make sure I devote some time to her(they are pack animals and need attention)
I have researched doggie nutrition and buy her premium food find that some of the "me" goes to her

I am glad that puppies develop and mature alot faster than humans! I remember that it takes years to potty train as opposed to a week with a puppy and that babies cannot be crated or gated or left with out supervision for several years!


I have had to juggle work and now my schooling to make sure she recieves the proper care.I have also been taking care of my mom for a while and would not like to be a care giver for a while.

I can only imagine what dedication and sacrifice it takes to raise a kid properly . My hat is off to those who do :)

[Terra Alta]

36. I really love dogs, but

I am more of a cat person. I always joke that I'm going to be a crazy old lady with cats.. LOL.

[EndersDame]

37. I much prefer cats as well ! But yeah I probably wont get anothr puppy

definitely NO Kids!

[HipChick]

25. I decided that I didn't want kids as early at 16..

I have nephew and nieces that I adore,but just do not want kids

[rebel with a cause]

51. I always wanted children and did not think twice about having two.

I have adult children now who inherited the depression and anxiety disorders that run in my family. I love my kids and would not take anything for them but sometimes wonder if only those irritatingly happy bubbly people should reproduce. But then where would the tortured artist come from?

[mopinko]

17. i highly don't recommend it.

seriously, i have 5. they are allegedly adults now. they sure don't act it.
unless it is something you really want, it is a huge job that you may well resent. this is then written in the very structure of their brains. it can get ugly.

her hormones are talking to her. try to change the subject.

[Haole Girl]

18. Please don't

Unless you have a deep desire.

[oregonjen]

19. Are you prepared to be somewhat alone in your elderly years?

Now that I'm in my 40's, have two children and am in a good place, I'm seeing life differently. My Aunt who has had many medical issues relies on my Mom because her spouse died and she has no children. It got me to thinking, when my husband and I are retirement age, we hopefully will have my children to help us should we need assistance. I feel sorry for my aunt because she is alone.

Yes, having children is quite a commitment, but not having them would be very lonely. When they come home from school, I get excited to see them. When they are difficult to be around, I get excited to see them off to college. With the ups and downs comes the security and hope for the future.

[iris27]

21. Kids are no guarantee you won't be alone.

My grandfather had 6 kids but is pretty much alone just as a result of physical distance from the rest of us. My father is and will be alone as he ages because he has serious anger/abuse issues and can't maintain a relationship with any of his children. The nursing homes are full of people with children and grandchildren who never visit.

[oregonjen]

26. Of course there is no guarantee

However, I would much rather go through life having cared for children and loving more than I ever thought I could, then without them.
They have made me a much less selfish person.

[janx]

22. If you have to be sold on it, you probably don't want it. n/t

[mopinko]

27. .

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9205110

[Kaleva]

29. The 5 minutes spent making them is fun.

[MiddleFingerMom]

40. 5 MINUTES!?!?!?!?!?

.
YOU, sir... are a GOD!!!!
.

[applegrove]

33. Imagine falling in love with a baby who will always love you. You will laugh your

ass off the whole time they are a baby till they are about 6 or 7. Then they are helpful around the house. Then they challenge you and make you a better person in the teenage years. Then you get to be proud of them as they go to university and marry. Then when you are old you have grandkids you get to go through the whole process with again...but only one day a week. And you'll be laughing all the time but especially at the dinner table every night for 18 years and then at family gatherings thereafter.

Not a bad deal.

[TrogL]

48. you got lucky

Mine were (and still are) screaming brats. Two are learning disabled - no univerwity for them and the one who might have had a chance of going managed to get knocked up by a boyfriend she had kicked out (ie she discovered it a month after he left). Last year my son spent most of his time texting me abuse and leaving nasty messages on my answering machine (he's settled down). When I appealed to childrens services for help they were worse than useless

[applegrove]

52. So sorry you have it so rough. No I don't have kids but I've known a few

ore the years and been one.

[applegrove]

77. Upon reflection this is a little too optimistic. My childhood wasn't that good as a teen. For

various reasons.

[MissMillie]

98. Wait.... kids do this????

:wtf:

[REP]

119. So, you don't have children but "imagine" this is what it's like??

May I have some of what you're smoking, please?

[tigereye]

34. sometimes folks have kids because one partner wants them and the other

partner does not and relents to please them. That's really not a good reason. Kids are more work than people can imagine, and you have to both want them.

[kwassa]

38. This is why I became a dad

though it took me a long time to get there, it is one of the very best things I have ever done, and though a lot of work, possibly the most continually rewarding experience I have ever had, aside from my marriage itself.

[Jack_Dawson]

41. Cute girl!

Yours? How old were you when you had her, if you don't mind my asking...

[kwassa]

43. I was 55

married for the first time at 47.

She is adopted, from the foreign land of Long Island.

I am in an interracial marriage, and we were looking for a biracial child to adopt, which she actually isn't, but everyone who doesn't know thinks that she is our biological child.

And she is brilliantly intelligent, despite being 10 weeks premature at birth and 2 lbs 10 oz at birth, tall for her age, thriving, learning in English and French, extremely affectionate, great personality.

She is 2.75 years now, and we expect her to learn to read in the next year, as she loves books, has known the alphabet for a year and can count way up in two languages ...

anyways, we're in the midst of the terrible twos, and it is not that bad.

I actually can't describe how great it is. I am lost for words on how to express to you how wonderful it is.

[redwitch]

46. She is gorgeous!

Lucky you!

[kwassa]

49. thank you!

she is a wonderful kid, too.

[BuelahWitch]

58. What a doll baby!

:loveya: Looks like a very happy little girl with oodles of personality. You were all lucky to find each other!

[kwassa]

59. thank you!

[valerief]

61. You don't decide that. First Jesus does. And if he screws up, the in vitro doctor does.

That's how I understand parenthood is decided in America.

:shrug:

[rebel with a cause]

53. That is a 'living doll' (as they use to say about beautiful children)

And the picture with one shoe on and one shoe off is precious. You are blessed.

[kwassa]

57. thank you!

we certainly feel blessed.

[mzteris]

69. OMG! She is BEAUTIFUL!

How old is she now?

[kwassa]

79. 2 years 10 months

and thank you!

[Withywindle]

84. What a beautiful child!

And I'm not someone who usually gets squidgy over babies. She's a darling.

[TrogL]

39. Don't

[DevinKline]

81. +1 n/t

:hi:

[Orrex]

42. Have the Surf-n-Turf instead

Kids are way too filling.

[Odin2005]

44. They are cute little brats!

:)

[dugaresa]

45. why are you arguing about kids with a girlfriend? is this because you plan on marrying her?

if she wants children and you are not keen on it, just tell her so.

i don't think people should convince anyone to have kids. people should want children and be able to be responsible for the life of another person for at minimum 18 years but in reality having a child is a responsibility that is with you forever. not something to take lightly.

[ccinamon]

47. I think my husband agreed to have kids because I wanted them...

When I asked for help, he would give it, but he never volunteered to help with the kids....after awhile it was easier to do it myself than wait around for him to get around to helping out. He spent most of the 20 years we had kids in the house in his "office" doing work or playing on the computer...he only became a "dad" once they were adults.

I would say, don't let anyone talk you into having kids.

Offering to babysit several times would help you decide...especially if you can do an "overnight" with them! It is hard work, not always immediately rewarding, stressful, and sleep is often minimal.

[EndersDame]

50. Kids are human beings not cars.. This is what is the result of some one who is not committed

to being a parent 100% http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=9204630&mesg_id=9204630

It would be totally selfish and highly irresponsible to bring a life into this world if you are not completely "sold" ready and wanting a child.

Try raising a puppy starting at 2mos and dont let your girlfriend do all the work and keep in mind that dogs develop a hell of alot faster than babies (puppy to dog 0-1 year kid to adult 0-18+) and that you cant crate a baby ;)

[lizziegrace]

54. The fact that she's younger

is something you've been quick to bring up in the past. Is the age difference a problem? How many years are we talking here? If the age difference is significant, she may be raising children when you're gone. Is she prepared to do that?

And I agree with several of the other posters. If you have to be talked into it, maybe it's not a good idea.

[seabeyond]

63. the fact he always has to let duers know she is younger

makes me wonder about maturity level. not mention of love, or commitment, but by gosh, she is younger.

more to having kids than just be thrilled mate is younger.

[redwitch]

56. Just happened upon this. Seemed appropriate.

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
— Mark Twain

[lukasahero]

65. Read another way

that quote could be the very reason not to have children... :evilgrin:

[Starbucks Anarchist]

60. You want peer pressure to determine whether you have kids?

Are you serious?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

74. lol

[mnhtnbb]

62. If you need selling, it's not for you. Kids WILL change your life.

Dramatically and every day. Parental responsibility is 24/7 for a minimum of 18 years. No sick days.
No vacation. (Yes, you can get away for awhile, but the logistics of providing care for minors
while you are gone are mind-boggling and you will still be thinking about them while you are gone.)

Our culture has an attitude (especially promoted by anti-choice folks)that having kids
is so natural, so right, so wonderful. Well, yes, it can be, when you have the time, energy
and resources to assume the responsibility--AND--if the kids are normal. Kids who have
any kind of atypical issues, whether impairments or limitations, present even more challenges
to parenting.

So, if I were you and you think you need selling, I'd think very seriously about having kids.

[Capn Sunshine]

64. They add a dimension to your life that is inexplicable

If you fervently value your life as is, and think that it cannot be improved by variation, new experience, love and experience of reliving your own childhood via an interloper who will certainly take quality time away from your devoted SO and your "adult " pursuits, if you feel zealous about this current continuity, then maybe kids aren't for you and you are after all a conservative.

OTOH if you appreciate chaos and the attendant whirlwinds, and think you can improve on the childrearing job your parents did, then go for it.

But at it's base children are best experienced by their own determination, in other words, you can't plan this, it just has to happen to you.

[we can do it]

66. Can't Do It- Why Not Adopt?

[Hepburn]

68. If you are not enthused about the idea ... don't do it. n/t

[mzteris]

70. how old are you?

How old is the "younger gf"?

How long have you been in a committed relationship?

Is she mature enough to be a Mom? Are you so old she's gonna be a single mom anyway?

Some people who KNOW they DON"T EVER WANT CHILDREN -wind up with them somehow and fall madly passionately in love with their kids and live happily every after.

Some people who desperately WANT KIDS . . . wind up being crappy parents or have kids with issues with which they are not prepared to handle - and resent their kids and wish they'd never had them.


It's a crap shoot really. Who are you and what you want - and your partner - is only part of the equation. The kid is who they are - and there's no way to know that until they get here. :)


I love my kids and can't imagine live without them. Both of my oldest were definitely "oops", my youngest adopted. All three are wonderful, challenging, intelligent, caring pains-in-the-ass! lol Some days . . . . well SOME DAYS (especially in the teen years) - i imagine what my life would have been if they had never been born!! haha. What would I be doing? who would I have become? My whole identity is basically "MOM" as I've been raising kids for 29 years now - and now that they're getting older, I'm having a bit of trouble figuring out what I'm supposed to do with my time/life now. That said, I canNot imagine these - people - not being in the world. They are amazing and have given me so much more than I expended. YMMV

[distantearlywarning]

71. I have known since I *was* a child that I didn't want any of my own.

One of the things that helped me know that my husband was "the one" for me was a conversation we had about 3 months into the dating relationship where we both expressed a desire for a child-free life. Had he felt otherwise, it would have been a deal-breaker for me, regardless of anything else that I liked about him or that we had in common. Nine years later, we're still happily married and living a very nice, peaceful, financially solvent child-free life and have never regretted our decision.

I have known several marriages where one person wanted to have kids, the other didn't, and they had kids anyway. Literally every single one of them ended in divorce. In fact, in the most recent example I can think of, the one who wanted the kid turned out to be a really horrible mother, and guess who was awarded custody by the judge? You guessed it - the guy who didn't want any kids in the first place, and now he's going to be a single dad for the next X years. Joy.

And dude, that could happen to you.

So you better think about it really carefully before you decide to just go along with what she wants. I've never yet seen it work out for anyone.

Also, from some of the other stuff you've said about your relationship on DU, it sounds like you guys have a lot of stuff you need to work out besides this issue. Clingy, doesn't have her own interests, and wants you to have kids you don't want? Doesn't sound that great to me. She sounds very young and high-maintenance. There's more to life than young and pretty (which eventually becomes old and ugly, and then you're still stuck with the dull and nothing-in-common that always existed).

P.S. Just in case you're wondering, this perspective was written by a woman. :-)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

72. god, you really shouldnt have kids. the very idea is quite frightening.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

73. god, you really shouldnt have kids. the very idea is quite frightening.

[madmom]

75. If you have to be sold ..don't!

[EndersDame]

76. Act now and Save! for just two EZ Payments of $19.99 (+S&H)...

[dembotoz]

111. but wait there is more!! if you act right now

you get a bottomless hole in your budget.

[bif]

78. If you have to ask, don't do it.

I have two daughters, and I never needed to be talked into it. We waited a long time to have kids, and did a lot of traveling together. I'm glad we did. But I never had to be talked into it.

[Common Sense Party]

80. Nope. If you have to be persuaded to want children, you should NOT have them.

Children deserve to be WANTED.

[enigmatic]

83. absolutely

I get sick when I read posts like the OP; If you have to be sold on the idea, DON'T have one, please.

The millions upon millions of unwanted, abused, and abandoned children out there should be reason enough to say no.

[jotsy]

82. Parenting, nothing more challenging, nothing more rewarding.

You learn more about yourself through this process than any other kind of relationship there is, IMO. From their first laugh to...I don't know my oldest is 28, youngest 13. I've had careers that have come and gone, but nothing has made me feel more compelled to be as close as I can to the best I can be. Be intimidated cuz its a long ass haul, yet before you know it, you look at them grown and some how still see that tiny bundle the nurse introduced to you.

Have we done the have somebody else's kids for a few days to see how it goes?

[Withywindle]

85. What most other people here have said.

I think having children is a very difficult undertaking and should only be done by people who WANT to, very strongly.

I have no interest in having conversations with people who want to "sell me" on having kids. My complete lack of desire to have them is a very good reason for me not to.

So is yours. What difference does it make what her age is? Is she worried about her biological clock? Does she really seriously want children and you really don't? If so, I hate to say it, but if you're thinking about a lifetime commitment, that's one of those "no fault, no blame" dealbreakers.

[rebecca_herman]

110. Yes, be HONEST with her

If you really do not want kids, be honest with her. Only she can decide if that is a dealbreaker. I am one of those who is 100% certain that I want kids... it's a dealbreaker for me and I would never, under any circumstances, consider marriage to a man who did not want children... I would be heartbroken if a man I thought loved me couldn't be honest to me about one of the things I want most in this world.

[krispos42]

86. Well, you're going to need SOMEBODY to mow your lawn when you get old...

Or pick out your nursing home...

[struggle4progress]

87. The only good reason to have kids is because you really want to have kids

Don't have kids for other reasons, like improving a relationship: it puts an unfair burden on the kids

[jobycom]

88. You will become a different person with kids, so it doesn't really matter what YOU think of it.

When you have them, you will be a different person. If you are a decent bloke now, you will probably be decent then, and that will make you a decent parent. If you are a selfish bloke now, you will be a selfish parent--although sometimes it will make you more mature and that will make you less selfish.

If you want to want kids, just dive in and have them. Wanting kids doesn't make you a good parent, not wanting them doesn't mean you'll be a bad parent. Just do it.

If "want to want this" means you really don't want this but you want to keep the younger gf for whatever reasons of vanity or sexual fulfillment you have, then you shouldn't, because you'll get bored of her after the kids--she will become a different person, too--and the kids will suffer. I'm assuming you mean you want to have kids but are just hesitant to actually have them now.

And if you don't want them, let her know so she can move on, or at least make the right decision. Letting a person think something is happening that isn't is the worst form of betrayal in a relationship.

Just my thoughts. I didn't want kids, especially with the woman I married, but they happened anyway, and they are the only reason for living I have anymore. I can remember the old me, and there are a lot of traits and goals in common I share with him, but he wasn't me. Not better or worse, just a different person.

[Common Sense Party]

90. Well said.

:applause:

[Deep13]

89. Do you in fact want it?

Is the situation such that it doesn't matter if you want it or not?

[Wapsie B]

92. Don't do it.

Your gut is trying to tell you something. Listen to it.

[Arugula Latte]

93. To me, no other life experience compares.

It is the essential condition of my life. The phrase "pride and joy" just begins to hint at what you feel as a parent. If I hadn't had kids I would have missed out on something indescribably great.

[Jennicut]

94. You have to be want to be into the idea otherwise you will end up resenting them.

I love my 4 and 5 year old daughters but raising kids can be tough. Only do it if you want to do it. I cannot imagine my life without them but be careful about what you do because children deserve someone who will care for them and love them, not someone who will only have children because they want to appease their wife or husband (or gf or bf).

[snooper2]

96. Here's a good reason

She's 2 months now :)

[mzteris]

99. what a cutie. . .

that is an adorable picture!

[seabeyond]

101. bee u tee full. i love

the outfit too

just precious.....

[stuntcat]

100. sorry. can't.

Every baby given the next 80-90 years right now breaks my heart. There's nothing worse to me than sentencing innocents to the year 2100.

[nomorenomore08]

102. +1,000,000,000

You just rendered every other post on this thread redundant. Great job! :applause:

[treestar]

103. They are really cute. They love you unconditionally when little.

True at 15 or so they think you know nothing. But they have to take care of you when you are old!

[pitohui]

104. there's truly no upside to having kids

many younger g/fs want kids because once she has kids w. you she has her hands in your pockets forever or effectively forever

there really isn't upside to having kids, i've noticed that if i don't bother to waste my time and money on this thankless task, then magically the world gets re-populated anyway at no cost to myself

it's like drying dishes, it TRULY doesn't matter if you don't do it

you lose your freedom, your money, and much of your remaining time on this earth if you have kids, it just doesn't seem like an intelligent thing to "want to want"

yr arguments could be just as easily solved by finding a more compatible g/f

[Common Sense Party]

107. Thank you for not procreating. n/t

[Pool Hall Ace]

122. Very true!

If the OP doesn't want kids, then he needs to level with the girlfriend.

I decided at the age of six that I did not want children. When I married at age 42, I thought that my husband felt the same way about kids as I do. However, he is more generous with his three employees, who he says lacked a "father figure" than he is with me! He has paid auto insurance, rent, and even child support for them! If I had known he had this secret desire to be a dad, he would have been in the discard pile long ago.

If the OP is not already sold on the idea of having kids, he shouldn't do it. It is truly a crap shoot; there is no guarantee that they will love you forever, or that they will someday make you proud. I would be willing to hedge a bet that most people who do regret having children keep it to themselves.

[Robeson]

105. Sell me as to why I would try.

[donheld]

106. You mean for dinner?

:hide::D

[lildreamer316]

108. Know this:After having them; your heart no longer resides IN your chest; but outside it.

They are your heart. Imagine if your physical and emotional heart were able to exist outside of your physical body and run around. Now you're getting the picture.

[katkat]

109. don't have kids

The planet is already at 125% of its carrying capacity.

[timtom]

112. Isn't it, like, a personal choice?

I'd just as soon sell you on opera or rhubarb pie...

[Burma Jones]

113. First some photos......

We will start with photographic evidence:













But then, why really......

First off, your presence on DU suggests that you have a world view that will be valuable to a future world. You will have an enormous influence on your children. Having children and raising them well is the best thing most of us can do for the future. I have yet to see a pig headed conservative raised by progressive parents, but then I don't really associate with many pig headed conservatives......

Second, they're more entertaining than TV by a long shot

Third, your parents will appreciate being grandparents

Fourth, kids will love you unconditionally at first, then they will fight you, then they will resent you, then they will really love you........

Fifth, just go bottle feed an infant, look into their eyes, that's what did it for me.....

[kwassa]

114. beautiful photos ...

beautiful kids and family.

[seabeyond]

115. i love

and so beautiful.

it took me out of myself if nothing else. i have learned more from my kids than a lifetime of learning.

learning is not just a one way street with kids

[Burma Jones]

120. I have appreciated not being the Central Character of my own story for awhile

As the kids grow, I guess you get your centrality back....

As far as their looks....I married well......

[BrklynLiberal]

118. What magnificent little creatures you have brought into this world!!!!

[Burma Jones]

121. Little Creatures is one of my favorite Talking Heads songs

[Fire Walk With Me]

125. "Two daughters of a silk merchant live in Kyoto.

The elder is twenty, the younger, eighteen.

A soldier may kill with his sword,

But these girls slay men with their eyes."

[Fire Walk With Me]

116. It is too terrible. Do not reproduce. Do not put anyone through it. Please.

His father gave him a tremendous box to the ear, grabbed his arm and thrust it back into the psychologist's grasp. Halsyon burst into tears. The psychologist led him out of the office and into the tiny school infirmary. Halsyon was hysterical. He was trembling with frustration and terror.
"Won't anybody listen to me?" he sobbed. "Won't anybody try to understand? Is this what we're all like to kids? Is this what kids go through?"
"Gently, my sausage," the psychologist murmured. He popped a pill into Halsyon's mouth and forced him to drink some water.
"You're all so damned inhuman," Halsyon wept. "You keep us out of your world, but you keep barging into ours. If you don't respect us, why don't you leave us alone?"
"So you begin to understand, eh?" the psychologist said. "We are two different breeds of animals, childrens and adults. God damn. I speak to you with frankness. Les absents ont toujours tort. There is no meeting of the minds. Jeez. There is nothing but war. It is why all childrens grow up hating their childhoods and searching for revenges. But there is never revenges. Pari mutuel. How can there be? Can a cat insult a king?"
"It's...s'hateful," Halsyon mumbled. The pill was taking effect rapidly. "Whole world's hateful. Full of conflicts'n'insults'at cant' be r'solved...or paid back...S'like a joke somebody's playin' on us. Silly jokes without point. Isn't?"
As he slid down into darkness, he could hear the psychologist chuckle, but couldn't for the life of him understand what he was laughing at....

-"5,271,009", Alfred Bester, "Virtual Unrealities, the short fiction of Alfred Bester"

[pitohui]

124. what a wonderful true and ballsy quote (don't you love bester!)

most people who think having kids validates or expands their existence literally have amnesia as in LITERALLY DO NOT REMEMBER the hell it is to be a child (the human race would already be extinct if women didn't forget the pain of childbirth and adults didn't forget the pain of being a child, census your friends if you DO remember your childhood, you'll be shocked to find that almost none of them do, not in any detail)

why do that to an innocent when the world is already over populated?

even jack bauer doesn't torture for fun, he thinks he is saving the world

being a child is hellish and miserable because you are without power and bigger people are constantly ordering you around and hitting you and IT'S LEGAL, there is simply no upside to having kids in an overpopulated world, you are putting someone in hell for your own gratification

and in your case you won't even be gratified yourself, it's to tie a g/f to you, which won't work, plenty of people have kids and still end up splitsville

[BrklynLiberal]

117. .....

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9206699#9208330

[dysfunctional press]

123. jesus- just how young is this girlfriend...?

just to let you know- pedophiles don't usually do well in prison.