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She officially died a day ago
Mom came over and we talked about her
It is sad, but theres nothing anyone can do
She was 95
Hilda, her name, was raised on a farm in Iowa. When she was young, her only brother died in a farm equipment accident. From then on, she was her parents' only child. She went on to college at a private Dutch Reformed collete, getting married to my Grandfather who was a seminary student.
Soon she was brought into the life of a Preacher's Wife. At the same time, she was brought into the life of a Military Wife. My grandfather became a Chaplain in this new war that was developing in Europe and Asia.
Grandpa left to the Pacific, Grandma raised my Aunt Karen (now deceased - RIP), my Dad and my Uncle Dave.
She moved from base to base - from West Point to Texas, to Iowa (back to the family farm) to California. She raised her three children in a Christian, yet ethical and moral way. "The Bible was full of conflicting statements in English - what does your heart say?"
At the same time, this was someone who was fairly conservative at heart. Sodomy was a sin, something done by "dirty people." She used to hiss about the "inscrutible orientals" - that is, until she met my wife (who is Korean American), the daughter of College Professors.
After that all was OK, and all racism dropped. Nothing like familiarity to weed out racism. Sometimes I think its the only thing that works.
She made it to 95. Once she had to bury her daughter, Aunt Karen, whom I still miss today - everything went downhill. (It is my sincere hope that no parent ever has to outlive their kids. That is the cruelest experience in the world.)
She officially died of a stroke, which rendered her brain dead. She died a few days ago, brain-wise. And that I consider her real death.
But her body perished at 5 am on Friday morning.
My Grandma was someone who did some amazing things, and rose out of her beginnings in a way that should impress anyone. Out of an Iowa farm at the turn of the century, she got off the farm as soon as she could. This was hitting the jackpot back then. Very few women could hope for more in that society.
Her Grandfather worked on a Whaling ship in the 1800's. He took his money and bought a farm. Didn't really farm well, but kept things going long enough to raise her parents. From there, her parents raised her to work the Iowa farm, at a time when there was a lot of financial instability.
Now my Grandma is dead - and I mourn in the way that feels natural right now.
And yes, that may involve alcohol - so what?
We all have our ways of mourning...
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