I was supposed to be celebrating my independence today

[MissMillie]

My son moved out in November after being w/ me for more than 2 years, and his friend was supposed to move out this weekend after being w/ me for 1.5 years. I planned to spend a few months living alone before I get married some time later this year.

The friend got arrested Saturday night. I don't know exactly what the charges against her are. She was pulled over for having no running lights on the back of her car, apparently there's something to do w/ an unpaid speeding ticket (which means she may have been driving on a suspended license) and she had some pot in the car (as well as a grinder and a bowl).

Mind you, she still has to leave. And I'm not giving her any money. What money I have left after the auto fiasco (having to get my son into a vehicle after he totaled his) is going towards my wedding.

But, chances are, her license is suspended. She works pretty far away, and I'm not doing any more special trips to get her either to or from work, so it's very likely she's about to lose her job. Her car was towed, and it's going to cost her a lot of money to get her car back--and even then, it's not drive-able due to the light situation, so she'll probably have to pay for another tow.

I was planning on being done w/ all of this... and I am done with it. But it turns out that instead of celebrating that I was able to get them out, now I'm witnessing her falling big time. She's not my kid, but she kind of feels like it, which is why I've been as generous as I have been thus far. But I have to say "no" to helping any further. I've done more for this girl than her own family would.

At some point I have to take care of me, and the kids just have to start taking care of themselves. I've really done all I can to help them stand. My son is making great strides. Even he understands that he's in no position to help his friend. He needs to take care of himself and cannot risk losing the financial cushion (it's small but it's there) that we've managed to create for him.

I feel so completely beat up. I don't want to be a witness to what's about to happen. It's hurting me so much.

[Tobin S.]

1. It sounds like you've done what you can

I was arrested for a similar reason when I was about 20. I had to work through it on my own and I made it okay. It was hard, though, and I think that incident signified my transition from childhood to adulthood- my first taste of what it really meant to be responsible.

[DevonRex]

6. It seems like there's always a moment that marks our transition

even if we don't quite recognize it at the time. Some of those moments are painful and some are even horrific. But in the long run they do us good, don't they?

Hopefully this is the case with this young woman and hopefully it won't impact MissMillie too much.

[Richardo]

2. Best of luck MissMillie - stay strong...

...and read your post often - it's spot on. :hug:

[supernova]

3. Sounds like she's going to have to hit bottom

to figure herself out.

You did your best and don't feel guilty.

:hug:

[DevonRex]

4. MissMillie, you're just the sweetest person.

Caring for other people means that you hurt right along with them sometimes. I'm sorry that your celebration has turned into worry and concern about this girl.

Will she be able to move out now that her car was impounded? And is she still in jail or did somebody post bail for her? Hopefully this is the wakeup call that will make her grow up and be a responsible adult.

:hug:

[MissMillie]

7. She has somewhere to go

And the answer is yes, she can still move out. She was planning on spending a few weeks w/ her grandmother.

But now, with all this, it will most definitely be more than a few weeks.

[DevonRex]

8. Just knowing she has somewhere to go, where people love her

should be some comfort to you. I hope she didn't cause you too much heartache while she was with you. And congratulations on your upcoming marriage! :party:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. My dear MissMillie...

You've done what you can, and then some.

Time for her to get a huge dose of tough love...

Sounds to me as though she's hit bottom, and now it's up to her to get up from that.

Take care of yourself! You ARE a very good person...

I do hear you, though...I know it would hurt me too...

:hug: