How many dates before sex is "expected?"

[davsand]

At one time, it was no sex before marriage. Expectations changed over the years, and I honestly think that during the late 70's you were probably "anticipating" sex by about the third or fourth date. I'm an old married fart now, so I have zero idea about what passes for average dating behavior in this day and age...

How long do you think most people expect to date before they hop into bed?



Thanks in advance for your feedback!



Laura

[MrScorpio]

1. These days, anything goes

Especially, with young people raised on easily accessible internet porn and lots of booze

[abq e streeter]

2. I'm about ready ( I think???) to start dating again ( and I'm well into my 50's)

so I hope it's not too many dates. I could drop dead while waiting ( or during:rofl: )

[tigereye]

35. wish you well in finding a cool person to be with, abq

would they have to have similar musical tastes? :D

[abq e streeter]

39. Thanks for the good wishes...interesting question too; in general as well as specifically in my case

but the clonazapam is kicking in and I'm about to go to sleep ( damn, I miss the days when it would have been the evening's last joint putting me out...oh well), but I actually will try to give you a thoughtful answer to your question tomorrow even if you were just having fun with asking it.

[tigereye]

41. I mainly asked because my husband and I share most of our musical tastes

and political views (we both have college-style and international eclectic music tastes formed in the late 70s and early 80s), and that has made a big difference in our being together for a very long time!


of course, as a music obsessive, I think that that kind of thing would be critical (silly me)! :rofl:

[Lil Missy]

3. Depends on how well you like the person you're dating.

[begin_within]

4. Women: 4. Men: 0.

[quakerboy]

5. Umm... When was this time

When sex before marriage didn't happen? I have it on good authority that it happened in my generation. I have it on better authority than I ever wanted that it happened in my mothers generation. I have it on similarly unfortunately good authority that it happened in my fathers generation. I have it on fairly good authority that it happened in my parents generation. I am pretty sure that everything I know of history leads me to believe that the mystery of a whole lot of premature babies through the ages are not nearly so mysterious.

But I could be wrong. Just wondering if you have references on this time when sex before marriage was not done.


For me... it wasn't long. If I recall something like 3 to 4 dates. And my wife has said she felt like she was waiting forever, and wondering if I was even interested. For my sister, it seems to be something on the order of a year and counting. My wife keeps telling her its time, and she keeps turning red and saying shes not ready yet.

[Bucky]

6. I think you should discuss this with your spouse.

:rofl:

[av8rdave]

7. I'm not sure where "at one time there was no sex before marriage" comes from

Hate to be the bearer of good news, but I find it hard to believe that absence of matrimony has ever been an impediment to sex.

As far as the date question goes, I always hoped for it on the first, but never realistically expected it until the third, and it normally never happened until the fourth or fifth.

Wow...I'm just now realizing how brutally hard it was to get laid!

[hippywife]

8. Never if that's the criteria

and focus of dating.

Sex is great and all, but if it's obvious that this is their reason for dating, I say not ever.

And this comes from someone who lived through the wild days and sewed many wild oats of my own.

:hi:

[Boojatta]

20. Are you talking about wild oat Hallowe'en costumes?

[raccoon]

43. +1. nt

[velvet]

9. who cares what most people do?

First date, fifth date, fifteenth date, the right time to have sex is when both parties want to. That can't be scheduled and can't be anticipated, it's down to the alignment of personalities, inclinations and circumstances. Dating with a timetable in mind displays an ignorance of the subtlety and complexity of human sexuality. Does a gardener "expect" a bud to bloom on a certain day?

[Skittles]

30. CORRECT

[MissMillie]

46. this is the correct answer

and I will add that expectations, about sex or about anything, are an invitation for disappointment.

[bikebloke]

10. Test drive before the dates.

That way you both don't waste time on dinner, movies and shooting rats down at the dump.

:P

[tigereye]

36. shooting rats down at the dump!

:rofl: that's an intriguing first date....

[KG]

11. as a mature (50ish) male, i'm finding the second date to be the norm.

and that's with no pressure from me. that's totally ok with me.

[davsand]

12. Kicking this back up hoping for more responses!

:kick:

[Mari333]

13. at my age I doubt it would even happen

hahahahahaha

[La Lioness Priyanka]

14. I think it also depends on what age you are. If you are 19 and dating the expectations of sex

from your peer groups are different than if you are 50 and dating.

[Crabby Appleton]

15. 0.5

[Capn Sunshine]

16. seriously?

Sex is supposed to be spontaneous, isn't it? The fire that bursts into flame after the heat reaches a certain point? Rather than number of dates, it should be all about creating the heat.
That's the problem with you kids today; you think everything is quantifiable because of multimedia interface overdose overriding your own damn natural feelings.
Now get offa my lawn.

[libodem]

17. Laura?

I thought you were Dave. I have always read your name as Dave Sands. I thought you was a he? (the bad English is on purpose, grammar nazis)

I think if you put out too early you are still considered a slut and you will be dumped. Now that I'm in my 50's and still looking pretty good if I could find the right person and if we were able to communicate what the purpose and the goals were leading toward then if the whole thing hadn't been over thought so much it turns into a chore....maybe???

I think it is complicated myself.

[nickinSTL]

18. hard for me to say for sure...

considering I've done very little "dating"

If, however, my marriage came to an end for some reason, and I had to face it...

I suspect that it would take a few dates, at least, for me to be willing to have sex with most women - I'm not really interested in sex just for itself, and I'd have to develop some degree of a relationship first.

However, if, for instance, I hooked up with an old friend, say, someone I already have a relationship of some kind with, I'd be likely to be willing to move on to sex more quickly.

In the end, it would depend on the situation and the person involved.

[Amerigo Vespucci]

19. Forty seven

Forty seven dates, and not on forty seven consecutive days, either. Forty seven dates in a 3 year period. Anything less would be uncivilized.

[Fire Walk With Me]

21. Hey Bebby.

WHAT? WHAT? ;)

[Fire Walk With Me]

50. Well, that was my best move. Lonely again tonight...

:rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

22. Pfft - I'd never ask a woman out on a date until after she's proven she's good at sex.

I mean, seriously - why date someone you're not sexually compatible with?

:crazy:

[Kaleva]

23. sex first, then the date followed by more sex.

[Yavin4]

24. Depends on the Couple

I knew one woman who every guy she dated took her to expensive restaurants, the theater, etc., and she never had sex with them.

However, she hooked right up with my friend without ever going on a single date with him. In fact, they had sex six or seven times before they ever went out on an official date.

[Captain Hilts]

25. Insanity. No wonder there are so many bad marriages/relationships. nt

[Darth_Kitten]

26. Whenever it's right for both.............

n/t

[flvegan]

27. "Dates"????

:rofl:

[tigereye]

37. yeah, that was my reaction - I didn't know there was still such a thing

even when I was in college 30 years ago, I can't say that I went on that many "dates"... :rofl: It was more who you knew and then ran into at a party. :yoiks:

I remember one guy took me to breakfast the next day! Oh my, those were the 70s. I don't even think my husband and I went on that many "dates"

[Lyric]

28. For me, it depends on how much attraction exists.

This is theoretical of course, since I haven't been on a date in over a decade. But if I were suddenly single tomorrow? I wouldn't deprive myself of an intense connection and attraction that seemed mutual just because someone else thinks it's inappropriate. If I felt like it, it could even be the first date.

A friend of mine used to crack me up. She spent years refusing to shave her legs or underarms before a first date, just to be SURE that she didn't buckle and agree to first-date sex. Then she met a guy that she felt SO attracted to that she actually dragged HIM home after the first date, hairy legs and all. He didn't care, they became exclusive shortly after, and they're getting married this September after a two-year engagement. She tells everyone that you'll know he's your True Love when you can forego shaving your legs and he's so into you that he doesn't even notice! :)

[BeachBaby]

29. Do lengthy phone calls count as "dates"?

Just curious. :hide:

[LeftyMom]

44. Depends on what you're talking about.

I think I need to join you. :hide:

[Odin2005]

31. I wish I knew!

:rofl:

[Generic Brad]

32. I think it depends on the couple

[Withywindle]

33. "Dates" are the most socially awkward construct ever.

No interest in going out on some forced one-on-one evening with a near-stranger.

Every lover I've ever had, I met because he or she was a friend of a friend, part of a social group that I had some relationship to (a friend in a theater group, a friend in a band, a friend who was a co-worker, a friend's friend's roommate, etcetera). I only "date" people I've known at least tangentially in a social context for some time. Hell, it's not that uncommon for me to have a First Date with someone after we've had sex. After all, if I enjoyed sharing that experience with you, that makes me that much more willing to try making small talk with you over dinner--which is waayyy more awkward than fucking if I don't already know I enjoy your company.

[unpossibles]

34. I thought it was the other way around: no dating before sex

I guess I'm doin it rong.

[Kat45]

38. I find it different now that I'm in my fifties than when I was younger.

When I was in my twenties or thirties, it seems that sex was expected quite quickly. Making out would be immediate and sex started pretty quickly. If something didn't happen in the first couple of dates, you thought something was wrong. Now that I'm in my fifties, I don't even want to kiss someone right away; I'm not sure when sex should start, but I'm not wanting it in the first couple of dates these days. I think it's partly because at this stage I want to find love and a life partner, and since I don't have as many years to find it, I don't want to get intimate with someone unless I think there's a reasonable chance of a future for us.

[AlienGirl]

40. I don't even kiss on the first date!

[Blue_Tires]

42. depends on the other person...

i'd just as soon skip the whole conventional 'dating' thing (i.e., dinner--movie or concert--coffee) from the start, unless we really shared some quirky interests and she would be into some "outside of the box" dates...

[guitar man]

45. 42

:P

[MissMillie]

47. expectations = an invitation for disappointment

yep, I put that in my response to someone else, but I'm saying it again, because... well, because it's true.

[Sky Masterson]

48. I've got two big balls

of dates, So I hope it's enough for sex.:hide:

[Forkboy]

49. In an ideal world it would be before dinner on the first date.

I'm never hungry BEFORE sex....