Post your "An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman" jokes (or the like)

[Inchworm]

Saw this on wiki and had to laugh :P

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are sitting in a bar. Suddenly, a fly dives into their beers. The Englishman says, "Barman, a fly just dived into my beer. Bring me another one." The Englishman got another beer. The Irishman says, "Ah, to hell with it," and empties his pint, fly and all. The Scotsman pulls the fly out of his beer, shakes it up and down, and screams, "Spit it oot, damn you! Spit it oot!"

:rofl:

[Aristus]

1. An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "What is this? A joke?"

[Inchworm]

3. Had to happen didn't it?

:rofl:

:hi:

[hedgehog]

2. My Irish grandfather had two terrible ethnic jokes (well he

probably had more, but I remember two of them!)

"What's a mile long, four foot high and smells like onions?

A St. David's Day Parade."


And, every time my Grandpa took out his pipe, he asked us:

"Why can't a Scot ever get a decent smoke?

When he borrow your tobacco,he packs it too tight, when he uses his own, he packs it too loose."

[Inchworm]

4. I'll remember the second one

Too funny.

:thumbsup:

[sarge43]

5. An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman

were hunting in the woods. They come to a clearing and in the middle of it was this beautiful naked woman. The Scotsman says, "How mooch, lassie?" The Irishman says, "Lass, are ye game?" She nods. The Englishman shoots her.

[Inchworm]

7. Doh!

Didn't see that coming :wow:

:hi:

[Deep13]

12. She wasn't wearing safety-orange. nt

[Zomby Woof]

6. Posted that one here, lol

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x9297113

[Inchworm]

8. I'm a slow reader

:rofl:

:yourock:

[Inchworm]

9. Ok.. I suck lol

I wasn't sure if I was the second one :P

:hide:

:kick:

[SwissTony]

10. Three engineers...

an Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman, were sentenced to death by guillotine in a small country. The Englishman was first up. He had his head placed in the stocks. The executioner pulled the rope and the blade rushed towards the helpless man. Amazingly, the blade came to a quivering stop millimetres from the man's neck. The watching crowd rejoiced, taking this as a sign from God. The relieved man was immediately released.

Next up was the Scotsman. He too was placed in the stock and the blade released. More amazingly, the blade again stopped millimetres from the man's neck. Again, the crowd went wild and the man was released.

Finally, it was the Irishman's turn. As he approached the guillotine, he said "I think I see the problem..."

[struggle4progress]

11. An American walks into a bar and sees an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman.

And he says to the Englishman, I'll bet you 50 euros you can't down ten draughts in ten minutes. So the Englishman agrees and puts down his money and swallows the ten without blinking. Well, the American wants his money back, so he offers the same bet to the Scotsman. The Scotsman says, Let's say 60 euros for a dozen draughts in a dozen minutes. The American agrees and the Scotsman puts down his money and swallows the dozen without blinking. So the American wants to cut his losses, so now he offers the same bet to the Irishman. The Irish just gets up and leaves. After a little time, he returns and asks if the offer is still good. The American is willing, so the Irishman puts down his money and swallows the draughts without blinking. Now the American is curious, so he asks, Where did you go just then?. The Irishman says, Truth be told, I've been drinking here already some today, and I wasn't sure I could put down another ten. So I went over to the pub next door to see if I could before I placed my bet