Bread, fish and cheeses of Nazareth

[Lionel Mandrake]

By Jurek Martin
Financial Times (London)
Published: March 26 2010

From The Office of the President, The Apostolic Supper Club, 1 Heaven St, NY, NY

Dear Judas, this letter is to alert you, as club treasurer, of issues affecting us all. You may not be aware, given your incarceration for embezzlement (and my best wishes to Brother Madoff, by the way) of an academic study published this week showing how the amount we have consumed at our suppers has risen exponentially over the last millennium. This study is based on hard evidence, as recorded by such experts as Leonardo, Michelangelo and that Greek chappie who migrated to Spain (not that the economy there is any better).

It found our main meal size has grown 69 per cent, our plates are 66 per cent larger and a typical loaf on the table is up 23 per cent. I am aware this might be thought normal, that Joy of Cooking, the American home food bible, now stipulates a standard meal will serve four whereas half a century ago the same portions would suffice for six, and that the First Lady is campaigning against obesity in children, even though they are too young to join our club.

But your rainy day fund, 30 pieces of silver as I recall, was never enough to cover these additional expenses, even before you invested it with Brother M. In our indulgence, we also seem to be straying far from the example of Our Dear Leader, who went without sustenance for 40 days in the wilderness, not to mention the sainted Paul, whose agonies after missing the Damascus turn-off are so well chronicled.

Read more: http://www.ft.com/cms/s/0/9844d1e2-390e-11df-8970-00144feabdc0.html