Chimp In Cocaine Study Starts Lying To Friends

[Raster]

ATLANTA—Concerned workers at the National Primate Research Center said Bobo, a 5-year-old chimpanzee participating in a 16-month cocaine study, was observed this week lying to the faces of friends, family, and staff.

"Our goal was to determine how large doses of the stimulant would improve or impair the chimpanzee's ability to perform memory and language tasks," said primatologist Daniel Martin, the project's lead researcher. "What we found was that cocaine not only disrupted Bobo's concentration and recall, but it also caused him to lie, cheat, and emotionally manipulate those around him."

Continued Martin, "Essentially, Bobo has become an asshole."

<snip>

As of press time, Bobo was reportedly sprawled out on the floor of the laboratory, begging for more cocaine and offering to give researchers hand jobs in exchange for some.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/chimp-in-cocaine-study-starts-lying-to-friends,17176/

[peekaloo]

1. Oh the Onion. I thought maybe Bu$h's publisher had released

a portion of his upcoming "book".

[Mopar151]

2. The worst part is

It's still a plausible story

[RagAss]

8. LOL !...made my night.

[rcrush]

3. Humans are like 96% monkey aren't we?

[nickinSTL]

4. ape. not monkey

sigh.

Chimps, gorillas, bonobos, orangutans, gibbons. All APES, not monkeys.

Most common and easiest distinction: Monkeys have tails, apes do not.

(sorry if I come off as an ass, but this is one of my biggest pet peeves)<\i>

[Bucky]

6. Yeh, but we're also like 87% ocelot and share close to 60% of our DNA with cabbage

96% percent (and it's chimps, not monkeys) really isn't all that close. And that's just the hardware, the software is where the big difference lays.

[MajorChode]

9. Not so different, really

Chimps and humans are the only two species that go to war with their own kind.

[RandomThoughts]

5. I think this is the better part of the article.

Martin acknowledged that Bobo's cognitive abilities have also suffered, saying that the restless primate no longer shows any interest in finishing his assigned tasks and often does little more than flip off the researchers.

"We definitely didn't teach him to do that," Martin said. "That's totally the cocaine."


Its not the cocaine, it is the researchers being told what Bobo thinks of them for treating living thing as an experiment, drugging them(Ritalin?), and keeping him in a cage, or thought of as a lesser.

And maybe Bobo's cognitive skills have increased, and what you call manipulating or lying to the others around him, is him telling the truth that the researchers can not accept. Maybe Bobo figured it out. And I think his actions are admirable.

Flip em off Bobo, I am with you on that one.


Or maybe my post on a made up post is just from having a few beers. :D


With no advocacy for drugs like cocaine, but with support of the abused Bobo, a song for him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q3L4spg8vyo

And a flip off to 'the researchers' as support for Bobo.

[KamaAina]

7. That's no chimp!

That's our ex-pResident! :P

[hvn_nbr_2]

10. This will be "established fact" in drug war propaganda PSAs soon. nt