What can I say to my 23-y.o kid who just lost his best friend

[canoeist52]

in this way. I'm just at such a loss for words. I'm just sitting here crying for him.

http://www1.whdh.com/news/articles/local/BO139482/

[Book Lover]

1. Holy god, that's awful

I am so sorry for you, your son, and that young man's family and friends. I guess let him know it's safe to be in pain for as long as he feels that way. Again, I'm so sorry.

[NewJeffCT]

2. I'm so sorry

there really are no perfect words in these situations - just being there & saying something can be a huge help.

[jobycom]

3. It doesn't matter what you say.

He needs to know he's not alone, that he has a life left, that he's not betraying his friend by enjoying his life. You just need to be there for him. Whatever you say in the right spirit will be what he needs.

I'm guessing by the picture that it was sudden, and not something he had time to prepare for. He'll probably be in shock for a bit, and get caught up in that mind-loop of trying to understand what it all means, trying to wrap his mind around mortality and loss and all. Just let him know it's normal, and give him what advice you've learned about accepting things.

Sorry you have to deal with this. Were you close to the friend, too? I know losing some of my kids' friends would hurt almost as much as losing my own child. Don't forget to take care of yourself in this.

[canoeist52]

7. My son brought him home during school break when his step-mom

wouldn't let him come home. We introduced him to camping. He was a nice kid that you just wanted to mother. (Lost his mom to cancer) He was to graduate from Wentworth this fall. Thought he might end up living here after graduation.

[jobycom]

9. Condolences, then.

Sounds like you are dealing with a heavy loss, too. Don't forget your own emotions while worrying about your sons.

I googled the name for the story. That was horrible reading, as a father. As sad as it gets. You've got my sympathies if they help any at all.

[mnhtnbb]

4. Just be there for him. Let him talk about his friend. Let him cry and let him know

that when the time is right, maybe he will feel like organizing something to memorialize his friend.

[GreenPartyVoter]

5. I am so sorry *hugs* I agree with everyone who says just be there for him and listen.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

6. There are no words that will suffice

Just be there for him when he needs you to be there and listen. Lots of hugs. I lost my husband 3 months ago.

[canoeist52]

8. Wow, it's been 3 months already?

Your story shocked my world for quite a while. Made me very much appreciate what I have in my family.
It's the sudden shock and not being able to say goodbye and the loss of his future that hurts, I think.

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

10. Yes, three sad months

and you hit the nail on the head with the sense of sudden shock and not being able to say goodbye and your child's friend was so young and should have had a long life ahead of him. Just be there for your kid and hold him and console him when he needs it. He doesn't need anything other than that.

[tango-tee]

20. Hugs to you, Sweetie.

:hug: Looking forward to your call today.

Much love,
t-t

[hyphenate]

11. How tragic

I grew up in that neighborhood, in JP and Brookline, and I know how much of a pain those tracks are/were. I want to also extend m condolences.

He's lucky to have you and your son as friends. Who is going to be in charge of final dispensation? For some people, becoming involved with a funeral or other choice can help enormously, because it helps deal with the shock and accept the loss.

My brother was involved some years ago with the death of a motorcyclist. His truck was making a left hand turn, and the motorcyclist had run the red light, and was killed. My brother is one of the best people in the world, and while he wasn't at fault--it was a pure accident, he now lives with the knowledge that he killed someone. He will never be able to shake that thought. I assure you, too, that the bus driver is also grieving, even if it was just an accident, because there is a certain alienation one feels after something like this. I hope he, too, is getting some kind of help.

[canoeist52]

12. Thanks for all your thoughts.

Please be careful and mindful of your driving out there. This is the third accident my family has had to deal with in the last three weeks.

First my husband totaled his truck (and almost himself) hitting black ice from someone carelessly pumping their cellar onto a state highway

A week later someone slams into the back of my daughter's car in almost the same spot, totaling his car.

This one, though is too much and I'm just shell-shocked. Thanks to you good people for letting me vent.

[Shell Beau]

13. There are never any words that will make someone feel better.

Just tell him you will listen to anything he wants to say about his friend. Remember all the wonderful times. Those are the best memories ever. Keep his spirit alive. So sorry. What a tragedy.


I lost my brother suddenly when I was 18 and he was 24. Words don't do much. Be there. Just be there.

[applegrove]

14. Oh that is so sad. A girl in my city was killed in the same fashion last summer. Vibes.

[kimi]

15. Ah, I'm so very sorry

You've gotten a lot of good advice here from so many people who know well about grief. Everyone has a different experience with it, but there are universal elements. Be there for him, let him know that you love and care, and that you grieve also, cause of course you do. This is the kind of thing that so many people will hurt over for so long, forever, really - the friends and family, the driver of the bus, those who witnessed the accident - ripples go out so far. Healing will come, but remembrance is an honor to your son's friend.

Peace and comfort to you all.

[Odin2005]

16. Oh god, I'm so sorry!

:hug:

[Richard Steele]

17. Tell him to get used to it .It's gonna happen again.

There is no JUSTICE in this world,
and he's gonna see a lot more scenes like this
before his number comes up.

Lord knows I have. I'm 41 years old, and I currently know
more dead people than live ones.

Tell him to just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
That's what I tell myself.

[sfpcjock]

18. I am so sorry for your loss and your son's

It takes a long time to heal from the pain, but with the help of family it will eventually happen. The accident is very unfortunately although somewhat common. I forget the statistics but they are scary. I never ride without a helmet, although that will not always help.

I lost my best friend at 27 years of age on February 25, 2009. We had no idea that the health care system had completely failed him with his special needs from the rare Wilson's Disease ( http://MichaelWieser.blogspot.com ). It has taken all this time to really recover, and the pain is still there.

Good luck, and I pray for your family to realize your peace.

Bob

[tango-tee]

19. Dear friend, there is not much you can say

in the aftermath of such a tragedy. Please hold your kid tight, hug him, let him know you love and cherish him. Life can be all too short. This loss he is experiencing... I'm so sorry, but it is almost impossible to find words that will truly soothe during such times.

Healing vibes and many good thoughts going out to you and your son, and especially to that young man's family from across the Atlantic.

Loving hugs from t-t

[elehhhhna]

21. Yep, just hold him. Words fail at a time like this.

[deutsey]

22. I suppose the best you can do is let him know you're there for him.

To hear what he needs to say, to hold him if he needs to cry. Give him that safe space where he can open up and express whatever he needs to express. Also maybe honestly share your own feelings about this tragedy with him.

:hug: