A PSA for those using or considering pay-dating sites...

[LynzM]

OKCupid pretty regularly releases neat statistical analysis from their user data. It's anonymized, and the science seems pretty good to me. The most recent one talks about why you shouldn't pay to use a dating site (OKC is free).

Why you should never pay for online dating

I know that the "where should I look online" topic regularly comes up in the Lounge, and so I thought I'd share this.



(Required disclaimer: I have met many awesome people, including 3/4 of those that I'm involved with, and a pile of new friends, either directly or indirectly via OKCupid. Yes, they all know about each other. No, OKC is not primarily a poly dating site, just accepting of it.)

[Bucky]

1. What is a Polly dating site? And what can you tell me about Polly to see if she's worth it?

Let me put it this way: I like Polly. And I like Esther. But I don't like... oh, never mind...

[LynzM]

2. Heh.

:hi:

[Silver Swan]

3. I met my husband on a pay site--I had paid

But he was only a trial member, so he could neither view my photos nor post any of his own.

Young folks are horrified to learn that we agreed to meet, even though neither of us had any idea what the other looked like.

Wow, is that scary or what?

I was 52 and he was 47, and this was nearly twelve years ago. Needless to say, we are still happy together.

Take a chance kiddies--it won't kill you!

(As a disclaimer, I met my former husband as a "computer date" back in 1971. This involved filling out a questionnaire, and this info was supposed to be put in a computer, and you would be sent at least five possible matches. I guess women users were scarce, because I received at least sixty matches. I mention this, because today's picky dating site users would never be happy with just a list of names and phone numbers. But I don't mind admitting that I needed computer assistance to find a mate.)

[LynzM]

6. That's cool :)

Yeah, there's definitely a much stronger weeding-out tendency now, I think. It's easier to get a lot more info about somebody up front and make a decision earlier on, versus meeting up and learning as you go. Double-edged sword, that.

[LynzM]

7. p.s.

Congrats on the 12 happy years! :)

[abq e streeter]

4. Coincidenatally, my match subscription is up ( and not being renewed,I think) tomorrow

I also have a listing on OKC, and a female DUer has seen it ( we live 2000 miles apart, so viewing each other's profiles was just out of curiosity and DU based friendship), but she called my written profile, and I quote: "perfect" ( and it is pretty well written,honest, and even occasionally witty, if I do say so myself) ,and I'm not half bad looking for 58( although I'm pretty short, which seems to be a turnoff for many, many women; fair enough, I have certain physical types I'm attracted to, and conversely not attracted to, also). I've gotten a grand total of one response , and that was someone far out of my age range, and she acknowledged that; just said she wrote more or less for the hell of it cuz she thought some stuff I put in was kind of funny and wanted to let me know that she appreciated the humor...Glad I'm not paying for it; it's pretty discouraging. And thanks for the "why you should never pay..." link. Good stuff to know. Guess I need to take the initiative and contact some of the women myself, but that graphic about men getting few replies certainly was true on match, and the one woman so far that I did take the initiative and contact on OKC never wrote back either; not even a polite no thank you, which I've almost never failed to do when contacted by someone I wasn't interested in on match. That's encouraging though, that you met people that it clicked with; maybe there's some hope...

[LynzM]

5. Yep, don't give up!

Not to be discouraging, but it was probably a year before meeting the first of the people I really clicked with. Talked to lots of people prior to that. If you go back through the OKC blogs, they have ones that address ways to get more replies, the statistics behind who replies and doesn't, etc. Good luck to you! :)