Men's Rules

[Lil Missy]

We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.

Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Saturday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

Crying is blackmail.

Ask for what you want. Let us be clear about this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!

‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

If we ask you what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, really.

Don’t ask us what we’re thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sports, or Cars.

You have enough clothes.

You have too many shoes.

I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

[Bunny]

1. I'm guessing this guy never gets laid.

He sounds like quite a tool. Good thing most men don't feel this way.

[EvolveOrConvolve]

9. Um, I think it's a joke

Poking fun at some of the stereotypes of men.

Some of us think some of those things and act like that, some of us don't. But take the post for what it is - amusing.

[Bunny]

17. Um, I think it's a crock of shit.

And I'll take it that way if I like, your attempt to minimize my opinion notwithstanding. :eyes:

I've never known a single guy, not one single guy, who acted like the author of this big steaming pile.

[gcomeau]

21. Are you familiar with the phease "it's funny cause it's true"?

I hate to break this to you, but most of those points apply to most men, and any you think are the exception are far more likely to just be the guys who are better at hiding it.

[redqueen]

33. Yes, I've heard that often, that most guys are 'like this'...

'like this' being whatever noxious crap is being discussed.

'Swhy I don't date, and don't care to. :hi:

[WCGreen]

29. Psst...

She's a girl...

[Bunny]

30. Psst...the OP didn't write that. It's been floating around the internet for years.

[WCGreen]

31. Psst...

I am shocked that something so sexist would be floating around the internet...

[seabeyond]

32. psst

lmao at your guys pssst.

cute

[elocs]

2. My life is simple. I avoid rules by avoiding anything other than casual contact

with the opposite sex. The rules and the game playing just got old and tiresome, so I've opted out and have been much happier since.

Remember the K-Mart radio commercial from years ago about their photo processing where the little girl asks the boy, "Jeffrey, are you the opposite sex or am I?"

[rcrush]

3. Crying IS Blackmail

Its the truth

[Lilith Velkor]

24. How the fuck is it blackmail?

Do you just write checks to everyone who cries near you?

[alphafemale]

28. Yep. and I'm a girl.

I'm disgusted by people who can turn on waterworks the instant they don't get their way.

What are you...two?

[lukasahero]

4. I'm sorry to be a kill-joy but

I really hate this kind of shit.

I hate it from the women's side.

I hate it from the men's.

Perhaps I don't find it funny because neither my husband nor I nor most of our friends fit these stupid stereotypes (and thank dog for that!)

Why does everything have to be so rude all the time now?

[EvolveOrConvolve]

12. It's a joke

And it's amusing - is it okay that some of us take time out of our day to be amused and entertained by the odd quirks in life? Hardly any men fit this stereotype, but the point isn't to provide some concrete rules that women must follow, rather it's just a list of funny shit.

I'll bet every male posting here in the Lounge has at least one of these thoughts. Does that make us a bunch of assholes?

[lukasahero]

22. I never said it made you a bunch of anything

so whatever you inferred was your own thought.

I don't find it amusing. Please understand that YOU find it amusing, I do not. That's fine, everyone is entitled to their opinion. I offered mine. You offered yours. We're pretty much done here as a result.

[Riftaxe]

5. "Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color"

So true! But you learn quickly not ask why did you buy another red _____? :rofl:

Perhaps like hearing, there are frequencies of the color spectrum males can just not perceive.

[lukasahero]

7. So you agree my husband isn't a man?

If these are "men's rules", then obviously my husband isn't a man. Luckily he wouldn't give a flying fuck.

[Riftaxe]

18. Personally i don't give a FF either

You can give red a 1000 names, it's still red. Perhaps a lighter or darker red, but in the end it is still red, that was my only point, no idea why you are having such a fit with the concept or suggesting i am emasculating your husband whom i have never met or to my knowledge even communicated with (WTF)?

Perhaps save the nastiness for GD, eh?

[Dr Morbius]

19. I've seen just as much nastiness in the Lounge as anywhere else on DU. (nt)

[lukasahero]

25. "why you are having such a fit"

God you guys simply can't stand being criticized by a woman, can you? You really think my post demonstrated "a fit"?

[Iggo]

35. Oh my god it's a fucking joke!

We get that you don't think it's funny.

It's still a joke!

[Gormy Cuss]

41. +1

:toast:

[flvegan]

6. This should be in GD.

Put up for a good discussion on the psychology behind this.

I do enjoy a bloodbath from time to time.

[Lil Missy]

8. Okay.

:D

[EvolveOrConvolve]

10. Oh gawd, link please!

I would like to observe the chaos and mayhem from a comfortable distance.

[Lil Missy]

11. ......

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x8228108

[EvolveOrConvolve]

13. Nice!

I'm hoping for some real action - a down and dirty, rollin' in the mud debate.

[Dr. Strange]

20. Here ends another tale of...

Things That Go Wrong When You Listen To flvegan.

[flvegan]

23. I chalk it up to simple bad luck.

Nothing to do with me.

[NewJeffCT]

44. I know

nobody forced them to listen to you!

[LeftyMom]

27. Seriesly.

[Skittles]

14. this one

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. - or, it could mean you're just not that good in the sack

[Forkboy]

16. Oh come on, that can't be it.

:hide:

[madinmaryland]

26. Maybe, if you didn't take your video camera "everywhere" it would not

be a problem, Belicheck!!

:D

[rrneck]

15. I'm still looking at my thumb. nt

[old mark]

34. Thanks, Missy - I agree with everything here. nt

[Bucky]

36. These aren't really "rules". It's just a bunch of bitching about some else's attitude.

What a loser! And it just runs on and on and on. Jeeze Louise, you-whoever-wrote-this, just shut up your lousy whine-hole and deal with it already.

Goddamn, I hate whiners.

[one_voice]

37. "Shopping is not a sport"...

Try getting that new Barbie, or Power Ranger 2 weeks before Christmas, it's a contact sport. :-)

[MiddleFingerMom]

38. HATERS GONNA HATE!!!!!

.
I wish I could figure out just WHERE I keep making a wrong turn
that ends up with me here in GD so often.
.
.
There are some among us who can be so grim and humorless...
it's my sincere desire that the rest of us never have to live in
a world where "Men's Rules" nor "Women's Rules" nor "The
People's Rules" are in ANY way determined by them.
.
And I also sincerely hope they get the help and healing they
so clearly need.
.
.
.
Below is an example of "humor" that makes me think that anyone
who truly felt that way is pretty ignorant and also makes me hope
that nobody like that ever gets in a position of REAL power (yeah,
yeah... I know -- so many already are).
.
That having been said... even though I disagree with it on so
many levels... even though that kind of thinking will sometimes
anger and disgust and, yes... depress me -- it's STILL pretty GD
funny (hells YEAH, that pun was intended).
.
.

.

[NewJeffCT]

43. I saw the same objection when Reagan was president

about the drunken sailor spending money...

[Lil Missy]

39. kickety

[petronius]

40. I think there's a kernel of truth in most of these. My wife understands that

many of these describe me, and I understand that many of them don't describe her. Recognizing that the other has different needs and a different world view allows us to have a strong and supportive relationship...

[Deep13]

42. My not entirely serious responses.

"Breasts are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that."
Breasts give a survival advantage to our species and exist because natural selection favors survival. Men's attraction to breasts was naturally selected so that men would mate with women who have the best chance of nursing babies so that they will survive. That is why men have trouble not looking at them.

"Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down."
I hate finding the seat down. I piss all over it before I realize it! Seriously. Just check first. I know women find this irksome, but not reasonably so. We keep the seat and lid down so nothing falls in.

"Saturday = Sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be."
What game do you play? TV should never be allowed to interfere with a marriage or relationship.

"Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way."
And we Americans do too much of it.

"Crying is blackmail."
Only if it is fake.

"Ask for what you want. Let us be clear about this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
JUST SAY IT!"

True. Just say it. Just because you are concerned about something doesn't necessarily mean we instinctively share that concern. So just tell us so we can get you what you want.

"‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question"

We're not women. Don't count on us to guess what you are feeling. Many many of us have been raised to disregard feelings. This comes from the inmplicit homophobia that pervades mostly Abrahamic societies and is constantly present in our up-bringing.

"Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for."

Many of us think this because feelings are for women and children. Our implicit homophobia has taught us to pathologically avoid anything that even hints at anything feminine.

"A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor."

Divorces are built on this kind of dismissive attitude.

"Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days."

Don't change the subject. If I did something that bugs you, it's your job to point it out while there is still time to fix the problem or at least so I know that it does bug you. What happened six months ago is not relevant to what we are discussing now.

"If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us."

And don't blame us for being truthful. If you don't want the truth, don't ask. This goes for anyone really.

"If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one."

Generally, but men can be passive-aggressive too.

"You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself."

Well, yeah.

"Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials."

See prior remark about TV interfering with ones marriage.

"Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we."

Columbus was 5000 miles off course. Here's the deal. We sometimes need directions, but the fact that we have not gotten there yet and are going someplace we have never been does not mean we are lost. We are also retiscent to waste time asking for directions from people who might not have any better idea than we do and may just send us on a wild goose chase. In the meantime, we might have figured it out.

"ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is."

pretty much

"If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that."

If it accumulates gas, it will be releases. We do that too.

"If we ask you what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle."

"nothing" means "nothing" It does not mean "How the hell you can you ask that?! If you loved me you would know what is bothering me you insensitive bastard!"

"If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear."

Again, yeah.

"When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, really."

Someone once suggested to me that men should have Garanimals where we match the tags to see what goes together. I told her it would not help. It's not that we don't know so much as we don't give a shit. Again, we're not women.

"Don’t ask us what we’re thinking unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Sex, Sports, or Cars."

Or any number of topics that most women don't care about.

"You have enough clothes."

usually true

"You have too many shoes."

usually also true. It's odd than none of them are actually shaped like a human foot.

"I am in shape. Round is a shape."

Don't be surprised if she becomes interested in men who cannot be described by simple, geometric shapes.

"Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping."

It's your bed too, dude. If she has a problem, she may sleep anywhere she wishes.

[zanana1]

45. So when did this argument take place? nt

[seabeyond]

46. i couldnt write a list of demands for hubby if i tried. there are not that many things

for me to whine about. this list sounds like a two year old having a tantrum. many of these things are merely whines. but much of it is pure self absorbtion, self centeredness, disrespectful, me me me. petty things. i cant imagine that any male has a good, healthy relationship, yet believe this is who they are.

some on the thread says it is a joke. and they are right. just little funny to laugh at

some on this thread identify this as who they are. that is what it sad. they think this is a jab at women. it isnt. it is insulting men every step of the way. and the men brag about how this is who they are

like i say.... there isnt anything i can put on a list directed at men. respect is what i expect. respect is what i give. if i dont get it, well.... i dont stick around.

[BlueIris]

47. Disgusting. Promotes every nasty anti-male stereotype in the book.

Not to mention more than a few about women. And no, it isn't "funny," nor should anyone tell me to ignore its offensiveness just because I can see it's offensive.