So how do you say happy Mother's Day to someone who has less than year to live?

[Forkboy]

I'll accept any answer before noon tomorrow, because I sure as fuck can't think of a way. Been racking my brain for days and I still can't think of any right way to say it, at least not in any way that would matter. My usual cool and hip nonchalance may not cut it this year. :(

[datasuspect]

1. like you mean it

or with great compassion and love

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Forkboy...

You know, this is my take on it:

She knows, right?

So, just ignore that part of her life/death.

Just wish her a Happy Mother's Day.

Give her a big loving hug, if you're allowed...

That's how I'd handle it.

Good luck, sweetie...

:hug:

[Forkboy]

4. We're not sure that she knows.

My mother had brain surgery to remove a tumor a week ago. She's still talking about "next year". I'd like to think she's just being optimistic, but it seems like it hasn't registered what she's facing. She has cancer everywhere, her liver, her stomach, in her bones...and the most optimistic outlook gives her a year. I know things can happen and that she may live much longer (I certainly hope so), but I'm not naive either. I know she's got an uphill battle, to put it mildly. But she doesn't seem to see it, and I don't want to be the one who makes her see it. We've been talking through this, but I still dread tomorrow. What's happy about it for her?

Thank you for answering. :hug:

[skygazer]

23. "What's happy about it for her?"

Well, if it were me, what would be happy about it would be that I was still alive, that I was a mother, that I had the time that I'd had with my kids, that I knew my kids loved me and wished me a happy mother's day....

"Happy Mother's Day, mom. I love you."

That's all you need to say. :hug:

[struggle4progress]

24. Assume she might be able to hear the simple essentials. That's all you can do.

Tell her anything you want to tell her that might make her feel better. Tell her your happy memories. Maybe thank her for some little things. If she understands some of it, perhaps you can give her some real happiness. If she can't understand any of it, what harm will you have done by trying?

[JTG of the PRB]

3. "I love you, I always have loved you, and I always will love you."

That's what I would say, but then again that's just me. I think it says it all. :)

[Kali]

6. yes

"I love you"

and I'm sorry you and your family are facing this, Forkboy, although ultimately we all must.

[Forkboy]

8. For me, I can't say that truthfully, and she knows it.

I don't want to go into detail, but she wasn't someone I loved for a long time. She wasn't a good parent when I was young (though she's been awesome since I hit 25). If I said that it would ring hollow, because in some ways it is. And I can't fake shit...I'm the worst liar on Earth. I do love her, but it's an odd relationship. So I guess I'm trying to say I love her in way she'd believe. And on that I'm lost.

I do like your answer though. I may just try it...maybe it won't sound as hollow as I fear.

:hug:

[JTG of the PRB]

12. I wish you luck, then. I hope the right words come to you. I'm sure they will.

:hug:

[Forkboy]

16. Thank you.

I appreciate your answers here. :hug:

[Lil Missy]

5. "Happy Mothers Day, Mom"

Seriously. You don't have to address the serious stuff, or the serious talk, just because it's Mother's Day. You can have that visit when it feels right and you have the words.

:pals:

[Forkboy]

9. Thats true.

I just hope I find the words before it's too late.

:hug:

[seabeyond]

7. i love you mom. nough said. nt

[begin_within]

10. "Happy Mother's Day"

Just make it an event in the moment. A happy event that will eventually become a happy memory. None of us are here forever and none of use know how long we have. So forget all about that stuff. Just live in the moment. This moment can be happy and it should be happy.

[one_voice]

11. How about..

Just that...Happy Mother's Day..I love you. There's nothing wrong with enjoying the day, without the weight of what might be, hanging over you. In fact, it might be the best thing you can do for her.

I'm sorry you're going through this, it must be very difficult.

Enjoy the day, make the most of the time you have together.

[emilyg]

13. I am so sorry.

Just give her a hug.

[mnhtnbb]

14. Say what you mean--no more, no less. If you wish her a happy

mother's day this year, that's it! It is for today, in the moment of today.

My cousin's mother died a week ago. He was called and told to get on a plane and he arrived
with less than 48 hours to visit with his mother before she died.

Very few of us know when our time is up. Many who expect to be here next year will not.

Just wish her a happy Mother's day--today--and be happy that you have the chance to do it, one last time.

[Forkboy]

15. Thank you.

I'm no good at this stuff. It means dropping the mask I show everyone, even her. I think this is my biggest fear.

Your answer rings true to me. Thank you very much.

[mnhtnbb]

17. It's tough. The last Christmas my father was alive he said to my husband

'this is the last one, isn't it?'

It's so difficult losing a parent--especially when there was ambivalence about the relationship
with the parent.

Hubby and I have really been struggling with my aunt's death last week. Neither hubby nor I had great
parents, and we both dearly loved this aunt of mine. We are really going to miss her.

Peace and :hug: to you.

[hippywife]

22. So drop the mask, then.

Don't fear it. Let her know that you think she is an awesome mom and that you love her. Speak from your heart and not from your fears for yourself.

Time is short and you can do this so you have no regrets later. And it would be the best gift you could ever even think of giving her. It would let her know without saying so in those words that you forgive her for those early years and don't hold it against her that she was a human with faults just like the rest of us.

Peace to you and your family, sweetie. Thoughts are with you through this very tough time. :hug:

[MiddleFingerMom]

18. To be perfectly blunt and honest...

.
...you RESPECT her choice of attitude about HER condition. Even
if she IS in absolute denial, who or what are you going to help
by taking away her hope and optimism?
.
Who or what are you going to make better?
.
You do the best YOU can to give her what she knows and loves
about you.
.
While you're AWAY from her presence, you be as dark and hopeless
and depressed about her/your situation as you wish to be (I hope
you choose NOT to do that)... but if you can not HELP this woman
you love to maintain her positive attitude as SHE sees fit, then you
need to make a GOOD excuse and stay away from her until you can.
.
Anything less would not be "loving".
.
If SHE is ever down, that is when you can and should help her see
things differently in a loving way... but if you just want her to see
HER world as YOU feel would be "realistically", you need to get some
help from someone so that you can BE that loving son that you are
and that she is going to need.
.
Your love for her is obvious. Develop skills (or reacquaint yourself
with those you already have) to truly HELP her during this stage of
her life.
.
Get out of YOUR life... and try to get more into HERS. You can help
her by making it a point to grieve AFTER the fact... not before it.
.
One last thought: How would you like it if all she had to say was,
"Why SHOULD I plan for next year? I'm just going to be dead, anyway."
.
Answer: You would try to lift her spirits... you would try to instill
some sense of hope and anticipation of potential joys.
.
Lucky you. She seems to be perfectly willing to do that part FOR you.
.
Good luck.
.

[Forkboy]

19. Now that's why I still come to DU.

Your honesty and bluntness is much appreciated. I could nitpick at it, but why bother? Your words are potent, and I truly do appreciate them. Thank you.

[tango-tee]

20. "Happy Mother's Day".

Look only at today, this one day, and it can be a Happy Mother's Day for her.

If your mom is unable or unwilling to face particular aspects of her illness, or how short her remaining time on earth is - let her. We each have our own way of dealing with approaching death. What your mom says to her family and what she really thinks and knows deep down inside, may yet again be a whole different matter.

Be there for her during this time. It's really, really rough at times. Believe me, I know.

:hug:

[proteus_lives]

21. Hmmm.

Kiss her on the cheek, say, "Hey Ma, I love ya." Sit down and ask her how her weekend is going.

[Sky Masterson]

25. I wish I knew.

I guess you say "Happy Mothers day" and you make it the best day you can for her.
Oh and..(( :hug: )) Death is perhaps the most unfair concept ever created.
(And I did get to speak with whatshername yesterday :) :woohoo: )