I cannot and will not give up my career for my relationship.

[alarimer]

I've come to the conclusion that I have to look for jobs wherever they may be, even if it means an eventual break-up. Call me selfish but I have spend too many years in a shitty job trying to get ahead to give it up now.

My boyfriend is the most indecisive person I think I have ever met (even including myself). He is giving my whiplash he changes his mind about stuff so much; I can't keep up.

He hates his job too and wants to move but he keeps finding jobs in places I have no desire to live or in places where I will have a very difficult if not impossible time finding a job. And I mean a good job, one at least related to my field. He is a librarian, he can work literally anywhere but I cannot.

But I get interviews and no offers, like about 20 interviews in the last 2 years, with not a damn thing to show. I fucking suck at interviewing I guess while he will likely get anything he applies for.

He also seems to think that I should quit my job to follow him, when I have far fewer resources than he does if he were to follow me. He has at least a military pension to fall back on, as well as insurance that costs very little, whereas I will lose all my benefits if I quit my job.

If he were to get the job in Austin, say, I could keep my job here and we could see each other on weekends until I found something. That something would have to be a GOOD job, not Starbucks or some other shit job that is beneath my skills and experience.

I just don't know what to do. I worry so much about what might happen if he ends up going someplace I really do not want to go. Maybe I should break up with him now because I have a feeling it will happen sooner or later anyway.

[murielm99]

1. Break up with him.

You will end up bitter for the rest of your life if you stay with him and end up in a dead end job and a town you hate.

[seabeyond]

2. hey

what profession are you in.

what part of texas are you now.

whether you break up or not.... well hell, the good stuff isnt in your post. but i know poeple in different areas of texas, depending what field you are looking at. texas, or my area anyway, it is all... and i mean all .... in who knows who

[yankeepants]

3. Seems like you're worrying about

way too many things that may never happen.

Breathe, relax and let go for a bit then go back to it.

We are all pretty much in the same boat in this life whether is professional, personal, or global challenges. No good comes from making yourself crazy.

[dawg]

4. In general, I think relationships are more important than careers.

However, it sounds like to me that there are some underlying problems in your relationship that go deeper than the issues of where you both live and work. I'm going through a horrible slow-motion breakup right now, so that may color my response, but I think you should spend some time with your boyfriend discussing your relationship and what you both want out of life. If you love him, give the relationship a chance before you make any drastic decisions. At least the two of you would be able to part ways feeling as if you did all that you could.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

5. You need a new boyfriend.........

and I'm available :rofl:
Seriously though, it sounds like the two of you have not ever, seriously, no bullshitting this time, honest to God, swear on all things sacred, been truly honest with each other. Otherwise you wouldn't be having these kinds of conversations. Ultimately you must do what is best for you, and find a new boyfriend.

[sammytko]

6. Get married and get on his cheap insurance plan and get

a military ID card. Tricare for a couple is less than 500 a year, I think? I pay 21 a month for my coverage thru Tricare. Find a civil service job?

[madmom]

7. Be true to yourself, ..or you will end up hating him and yourself.

[pitohui]

8. what's wrong w. a long distance relationship?

of course you cannot give up yr career for a man, the person who does that ends up w. neither the career nor the man at the end of it -- bitterness is corrosive, and nothing creates bitterness like giving up yr dreams to follow a man --

let yr boyfriend chase the opportunities he likes and accept the job he likes, and if it's in another state far, far away, well, that's why god invented the airplane -- get involved with flyertalk.com, find out which airline will reward yr loyalty, and make frequent visits -- sometimes if you get lucky with routes/times, you can make the flying almost pay for itself by volunteering for bumps etc.

likewise you chase the opportunities you like and accept the job/career you like

if you're meant to be together, it will work just fine, plus you'll build up lots of frequent flyer miles you can make for neat trips together

i'm not working right now and have been chasing weak poker games, mostly in nevada, to bring in extra cash, fortunately my husband is not the type to whine and cry that he has to microwave his own pizza...only you know if your boyfriend is a boy or a man, if he's whiny and dependent, yeah, dump him now, a long distance relationship with a boy never works, it takes maturity

but if he can enjoy the alone time to get ahead w. his job and you can do the same, and then you can have some great weekends/vacations...it'll all work out if you want it enough

but don't give up a dream for a man, a man would not give a dream for a woman (not unless he's a scrub who doesn't have a detectable dream, he wouldn't) -- we are adults, we are ALL entitled to our dreams and to a chance to earn decent money in a decent career

[Walk away]

11. I know several very successful relationships that had some long distance time.

That includes my parent's thirty five year and my brother's 15 year marriage. My Dad was in Saudi for twelve years in the middle of their marriage and my brother spent seven years apart from his wife before they tied the knot.

It works great for mature focused people. Maybe this will get him to step up a little.

[Old Troop]

9. Follow your interests. If he cares, he'll go along

[RainDog]

10. if you like him, have a long distance relationship

DO NOT compromise your career for ANY man. you will resent him.

I'm the voice of rueful experience talking - but I was married and with children - and with a big messy situation with illnesses and a child with aspergers and... lots of things.

but the truth is that if things don't work out, you'll be the one who suffers. your sacrifice will never be noted or compensated and the lost wages and time will never be made up.

and, fwiw, library jobs are VERY unstable right now b/c so many of them are tied to state or fed budgets. Librarians are being laid off around the country, positions that are open go unfilled, and those with the least seniority get laid off first.

your own financial security has to be the first consideration. just be lucky you don't have kids.

[applegrove]

12. I was terrified of job interviews until I decided I should be interviewing them.

Is this job really going to give you meaningful work? Are they nice people? Are they well organized? Is it a fit? ask yourself these questions while you are being interviewed and see if that doesn't give you more confidence. It worked for me over 15 years ago.

[BlueIris]

13. Leave now.

Easy call, if you ask me.