Cats don't have owners. They have "staff".

[Fire Walk With Me]

Spotted on another website :)

[meow2u3]

1. Cats don't have staff. They have SLAVES

[Amerigo Vespucci]

2. My cat has serious control issues

She does the "What's that, Lassie? Timmy fell into the old well?" Thing where she'll come into my office and cry and smack me and walk around in circles and cry some more and smack me some more. When I finally cave and follow her, she keeps turning around and crying to make sure I'm following her. If I turn around and go back to my office she'll follow me, site there with a "WTF?" look on her face, and start crying again.

9 out of 10 times, she wants:

1). For me to go with her in the other room and site there and watch her and pet her while she eats (one of her major quirks...she purrs like a motorboat when I do that), or

2). She wants to be brushed. I have one of those brushes that's got nylon bristles on one side and metal bristles with rubber tips on the other. She likes me to place the brush on the floor, metal bristle side up, and she rubs her face HARD on the bristles, cheek to cheek, back and forth, once again purring like crazy.

She "trained" me for both activities when she was a kitten (I got her at 7 months old, she's 8 years old now).

:toast:

[BuelahWitch]

3. LOL! I used to have a cat that wanted me to watch her eat

I never understood why she needed an audience, but she did.
I have a chair beside my computer chair for the cat I have now. This one will dance around and cry if I'm in the living room, and then run into the office and get in "her" chair and expect me to sit in the one next to it.

[graywarrior]

4. Cats have court jesters whom they eventually murderize

Mine drags his water cup (yes, he will not drink out of a bowl and I refuse to give him his glass because he tips it over at 2 am) over to his food bowl where he paws his dried food into the cup. Then he meows and has a freaking freak out until I dump out the food and refill the cup with fresh water. This is followed by bitching and temper tantrums because I dumped out the murky water that was filled with floating pieces of dried cat food. He then jumps on the toilet to drink out of that bowl and hisses at me when I shoosh him away.

He bites me when his food bowl has a circle of emptiness in the middle even tho the edge still has morsels of food surrounding the emptiness. He is a freak and he terrifies me with his staring at me in the middle of the night, his insistence that he must walk on me at 3 am, and his gutteral crying over spiders crawling on the wall. He snores, he farts and he has kitty dreams that make him meow in his sleep.

He is the boss of the house. Both of us will sit on the edge of the sofas so he is not disturbed as he stretches his 18 lbs across then entire area. We will fall out of bed rather than disturb his highness as he takes up the middle of the mattress to fart and snore.

Right this minute he is crowding me so that I cannot type with both hands. He is going to outlive me, I just know it.

[BuelahWitch]

5. Oh, this made me laugh out loud!

:rofl: He is such a character!

[Kali]

7. ...

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

edit to add the smilies I forgot because I really was :rofl:

[Demoiselle]

11. Your cat farts?!!!

...Well, alright, I suppose they must, but I've also assumed they're sneaky about it. (Ie., blame it on the dog.)

[graywarrior]

21. Yes, he does it on purpose.

Last night he had a total melt down because the A/C got turned on. He can't tolerate anything NEW in the house. He nearly had a nervous breakdown when we bought a new coffee table.

[myrna minx]

14. Oh mercy, this is the funniest thing I have read in a loooong time.

:rofl:

[pokerfan]

6. A dog says, "You pet me,you feed me, you shelter me,and you love me. You must be God!"

A cat says, "You pet me,you feed me, you shelter me,and you love me. I must be God!"

[Taitertots]

8. Only people who want to be "staff" end up being slaves to cats

I live with two cats, and I'm certainly not their staff. Not for their lack of trying.

If your cat treats you like "staff" or a slave then you trained/taught it to do that.

[Demoiselle]

12. Guilty.

I wub me my pussycats. (I have 6 in the house and one feral outside who allows me to pet her while she eats. And only while she eats.) There are two (seasonally) heated cat houses outside so she has some variety.

[Captain Hilts]

15. Ours came running when called, accompanied us on walks in the woods, brought us dead things...

and so forth.

Dogs you didn't have to bathe or walk at 5:30am.

[Arugula Latte]

17. As for me, I am happy to serve.

I grovel before my superiors. :patriot:

[MiddleFingerMom]

9. HEY!!!!! Yer in mah spot!!!!

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[graywarrior]

10. I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[Demoiselle]

13. That's lovely, MFM.

But it's missing the spot directly above my bladder where my darling calico Olga balances on her tiny feet in the morning. Her tiny feet and all her body weight, concentrated.
It's a wakeup call.

[Arugula Latte]

18. Oh man, that nails it.

One of mine just barfed exactly where the "heaving spot" is located. :rofl:

[tango-tee]

22. Who sent you a picture of my bedroom??? That's what I wanna know!

However: What's missing is the spot on the pillow reserved for the "You've done me wrong and I'll never forgive you" piss.

[Missy Vixen]

16. We finally evicted the cats out of our room

We have two brown tabby Maine Coon boys. Mojo likes to lie on my head, kneading (and pulling!) my hair. Uh, no. If he's not on my head, he sticks his muzzle in my face, he wants to lick me, he will NOT quit until he gets attention. At 3. AM.

Oscar is the most possessive cat I have ever met. I am his. If everyone else knew this (including my spouse, who was foolish enough to think he could sleep in the same bed,) things would be oh, so much better. Oscar likes to sleep on my right shoulder. He stands on my bicep, twirls around till he gets the exact spot he wants, flings himself over my neck... OMG.

Maybe I should also discuss the kitty Clash of the Titans in the wee hours, too. Of course, the fight always starts on our bed.

I could NOT sleep.

It's been about a week. I'm sleeping. The cats have (so far,) adjusted.

[Lindsey]

19. Thanks for bringing a smile to my face FWWM. That statement

could not be more accurate. My little one has already had me waiting on her hand and foot this morning! :-)

[graywarrior]

20. If we did that, the door would be ripped off the hinges.

And the neighbors would complain about the screeching.

[Missy Vixen]

23. I was afraid of that

So far, though, they have taken up camping on my office floor.

They also have to "help" me take a short nap every afternoon.

:woohoo:

[graywarrior]

24. I'd love to try it for a few nights, but our lives would be hell

Plus, he's vindictive. He gets even.