Hebrokeupwithher! Hebrokeupwithher! Hebrokeupwithher!

[Nuclear Unicorn]

I'm a little excited, if you couldn't tell.

My ex and I split up a few months ago. I tried find someone new--twice--and it was a disaster both times. I've felt really bad about the break-up because, to be blunt, it was my fault. It was silly and stupid and I've regretted every minute of it.

My ex found this totally uptight bitch. She was the perfect package...on the outside. Long legs, platinum hair, well-off family. Total corporate breeder stock.

Except she was also uptight. Apparently she's borderline OCD and everything has to be exactly a certain way and sex is kinda dirty to her. He was never her type. The ex and I would still talk when we would meet from time to time and I could tell he was miserable after about the first month. I missed him but I hated her for making him miserable. I swear, if I could have seduced him away from her I would have done it in a heartbeat.

Well, a friend of mine called me yesterday afternoon and told me they had broken up. I swear I wanted to dance on my desk. I wanted to call him but I wasn't sure so last night I was hanging out with my friends asking what I should do.

OMFG HE WALKED IN!

He walked up to our table...at which point all my friends got up and walked away to leave us alone together.

Thanks guys! Great way to not be too obvious!!!

So he asked if he could sit and talk.

So we talked...for four hours!

Stupid games people play we spent a lot of time guarding what we said but I think it was pretty clear he missed me and I let him know I missed him and I was sorry.

We bitched about our failed rebound relationships. The highlight: the uptight little bitch wouldn't put out while they were camping.

"I like camping. How come you never took me camping?" I asked.

"I don't know. I guess I never thought about it."

Hello-o-o, I'm the hippie chick, remember?

So we talked some more...a lot more.

When we finally said good-bye he asks, "Can I call you? Maybe we can go camping."

I'm an atheist but I swear I've been praying all night.

*Snoopy dance*

[Bunny]

1. Well, I suppose that's good news.

Although your opinion of a woman who did absolutely nothing to harm you is appalling. Good luch with your guy!

[Gormy Cuss]

7. +1 n/t

[seabeyond]

8. +1 too. also what the XBF says behind her back. could be a match. nt

[Nuclear Unicorn]

11. He didn't have to tell me anything

It was obvious he was depressed with her. He was always a big joker, making fun of himself to make me laugh etc. After a month with her his mood completely changed.

I told him it was plain to see. After a while he finally confided that he wasn't happy but he didn't want to "fuck and run."

As time went on he just got worse.

Last night was the first time in months I've seen him clown around like he used to.

I messed up and pushed him away before but when I saw somebody else hurting him I was mad; furious even and that made me realize how much I really still cared for him. I was angry someone could hurt him...then I got angry with myself.

Say what you want about him but he isn't a bad guy...and I should know because I've dated lots of bad guys.

[seabeyond]

21. then how do you know how she was in bed?????

really, i dont have nearly as much to say about him than you. not into chicks, without conscious, hurting other females for self gain and selfish reasons. doesnt float my boat and bring on a cheer.

[yellowcanine]

26. "I should know because I've dated lots of bad guys." Ouch.

I think you need to take some time and get your head on straight before diving back in. Things happen for a reason. You say you "messed up" with this guy the first time. What tools do you have to make sure it doesn't happen again? None that I can see. Trading war stories about rebound relationships is not the basis for a solid relationship.

[Phentex]

2. With a highlight like that, you still want him?

Wonder what he told her about you? He sounds like a real prize.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

3. Tent walls are not soundproof

just sayin'.

Best of luck.

:hi:

[rug]

4. Woo hoo, dirty sex!

:woohoo:

[tango-tee]

5. Believe me, I *know* that feeling.

It is a rush like nothing else, and there is so much hope that you're a couple of feet off the floor and could conquer the world... but for the time being guard your heart, dear friend. Take your time. Please do.

Here's to your happiness!

[Nuclear Unicorn]

6. I know!

My boss has a saying he uses all the time: managing expectations.

I'm trying but it's not easy. I WANT to feel like this.

[tango-tee]

9. Oh yes, I understand that,

because there really aren't words to describe that feeling, which is sooooo hard to resist. It's everything all rolled up into one, isn't it? You *know*, you really and truly *know* it may not be such a great idea - but you want to go ahead, and damn the torpedoes. Been there...

Edited to add:

You go, girl! But don't forget - watch that heart of yours.

[yellowcanine]

10. Hmm. Not to party poop much but don't you worry just a little about a guy who would fall for

someone like that - rebound or no - and then come running back to you as soon as it was over?
Free advice - Take it slowly.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

13. Can't say this is bad advice.

I'll try but the urge to make up for lost time is hard. Ya know?

Taking it slow still means taking it.

Besides, just because you start out slow doesn't mean you can't speed up as you go.

:evilgrin:

[yellowcanine]

18. Not sure I agree. To me "taking it slow" means being willing to bail when the alarm bells start.

Trust but verify, in other words. Plus, he should have to "woo" you all over again imo. No picking up where he left off as if nothing has happened, so to speak.

And to me, if the "talk" quickly becomes, "When can we do it?" - that's an alarm bell right there....

[seabeyond]

20. she is the one that dumped on him. why he has new gf. and she wanted to "do it"

while he had another gf. he said no. lol. why are you on his ass? lol

[yellowcanine]

22. Because he is the one who dumped rebound chick and came hustling back before the ink was dry

on the Dear Susie letter. No class. None at all, imo.

[seabeyond]

24. again, i say.... maybe it is a match. nt

[Nuclear Unicorn]

31. I suppose I do look like a horrible person

If I hadn't sent him away he wouldn't have ever been with her.

I had two very short affairs after we broke up. I have to say I'm not very good at picking guys. He's the only who ever treated me nice, like I mattered.

It didn't matter what I needed or wanted he would be there. He would cook for me. He would fix my car even if it was sub-zero. He's responsible and darn it, just plain fun.

When we first got together it was supposed to be just a hook-up but things changed. Being with him felt good even when we weren't in bed. Half the assholes I've been with wouldn't ever call me back, this one couldn't wait to call me every day.

I've already taken my lumps, can't I just try to make it work this time without people shitting all over me?

I'm sorry I'm not the best person in the world but I'm trying to do better. I want to start over.

[seabeyond]

34. hey....

are you the one that posted about him having different political views and that is why you were dumping him. lol lol. i remember. i felt so sorry for the guy, and i wanted you to buck up and learn to embrace, in the good fo it. i was all on your side to make it work.

then you hurt his feelings. and he is so good to you. lol

ohhhhhh. see now i am feeling empathy

i cannot do people purposely hurting others and women catty on women. i wont ever cheer that

but if this is the story i am remembering, ya girl

take your good. enjoy that good. we deserve that good. you deserve that good. but that catty about the X, that wont be good for you or you and him. and being so unaccepting just cause he thinks differently than you, but is a good kind decent person, it isnt going to serve you

so

now i remember more of this story. i think i have it right. treat him right. there will be rewards. enjoy him. dont dump on him. lol

best luck

[Nuclear Unicorn]

37. Yeah that was me

Can't say as I'm proud.

I can't say my politics have dimmed any but I think I really learned about not trying to beatdown others for disagreeing with me.

Your Nuclear Unicorn stands before you...humbled.

[seabeyond]

39. i married only cause i found a respectful, kind, decent, accepting, fun man

who is a texas, nra card holding, conservative. and i am a calif.

but he is "respectful, kind, decent, accepting, fun". after 16 yrs, he is still all that and no longer a republican. he voted kerry and really liked him and obama.

he still likes his guns, he still is conservative, but over the years he has listened to me and i to him. i am right.... he wasnt, now he is right there. lol.

the best to you

and

i mean that from the heart

[Nuclear Unicorn]

40. thank you

[yellowcanine]

41. Fair enough. You are not a "horrible person." But you are confused right now.

Otherwise why would you give intimate details about your relationships on the internet for anyone to read - and recognize you perhaps?
You don't really know what you want imo. "Starting over" is an illusion. The past is what it is and it is there. The key is to learn from it. If you try to "start over" just like that with no understanding of what went wrong before you are going to repeat the mistakes. The fact that you have been "hooking up" with people and "not very good" at picking guys should tell you that you need to work on yourself before you dive back into a relationship that in your own language you "messed up" once. What is to stop you from messing up again? This guy might in fact be a gem so why would you take that chance? You really do need a good counselor to help you sort this out whether or not you take up with this guy again. He sounds like he needs one also.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

43. Um-m-m...yeah, I'm kinda light on the $150/hour for a therapist

I don't even have cable or internet at my apartment.

What I've learned is: don't be so pushy and rude with my beliefs. I still believe what I believe and I'm proud to be who I am and I'll defend that but I don't have to treat people as evil bad guys just because they don't share those beliefs. At least not to someone I care about.

He still wakes up at night with bad dreams from his time in the army. I want to be the one to hold him when he does, just like I used to. Someday, if I can keep from burning down the apartment, I would even like to cook something for him.

Maybe I'm bad at picking guys but I *found* a good one. Maybe we aren't "starting over" in the strictest sense but I want us to work if we can.

Hell, I wanted to take him home last night and screw him until he was too tired to run away. I wanted to be like a spider and trap him.

But I didn't and that's kind if a big deal because ordinarily i do what I want. Something told me to give this breathing room. I don't want to smother it or force it or anything like that.

If this is meant to be it will be, but that also doesn't mean I have to push it away.

[dawg]

27. I disagree.

He's got every right to dump the rebound chick. If I were to date somebody, and for whatever reason I realized it just wasn't working, I'd end it. I wouldn't want to be cruel or anything, but I would have every right to end it and go back to whoever I wanted (if they would still have me :))

[seabeyond]

32. this is how i see it. the only misstep with the guy is talking about gf to xgf.

and not real clear on that part of the story since op says he didnt talk about her. but we know about the gf sex practice, so hmmmm.

but he certainly has the right to break up with a woman.

[yellowcanine]

33. Not talking about dumping the rebound chick as "wrong", But running back to old GF

the NEXT DAY is a problem in my opinion, regardless of who dumped whom. No class, no wisdom, nothing was learned. Relationships don't just break up for no reason. Things may happen this way in the movies but real life is something else.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

35. Actually, they broke up over the weekend

I suppose 4 days isn't much of a wait but it wasn't "the NEXT DAY."

If I had known sooner I probably would have called him.

[yellowcanine]

42. Listen to yourself. "If I had known sooner I probably would have called him."

At least you are honest. But it doesn't demonstrate a whole heap of self-respect, imo. Work on yourself. You deserve it.

[tango-tee]

15. That's my opinion as well.

Enjoy - but take it slowly.

[dawg]

12. Best of luck to you!

I believe there can be a second-chance at love.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

14. ...

:hug:

[tango-tee]

17. Dawg!!!!

It depends, it all depends on so much.

[dawg]

23. Well, I think the OP has a pretty good chance ...

Her breakup situation is something that can, I think, be overcome. The time apart may have really showed them how much they meant to each other. Anyway, they will soon find out.

As for my shitstorm of a life, the problems obviously run much deeper. I can only focus on putting all the pieces of "dawg" back together again.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

25. Thank-you dawg

[yellowcanine]

28. Listen to the cautions. Happy talk is not going to fix this.

Are you talking to a professional counselor about all of this? Believe me you need to. I have been married for 37 years. I know what I am talking about.

[dawg]

36. I will, reluctantly, throw in a word of caution.

I don't really want to, because I'm really rooting for you. But I don't want you to end up heartbroken (like some lil 'pup you know).

Make sure he knows that he is supposed to respect you. He should show you the same respect he would show to a more traditional, conservative girl, and not take anything about you for granted.

Behind closed doors, anything goes. But that level of respect must be there. From what you've told me, I think it is there.

But do be careful.

[dawg]

29. You know, he might have picked her as a rebound in the first place ....

because she was the anti-Nuclear Unicorn. Your breakup may have hurt him, and that may have been his reaction.

[tango-tee]

30. Send me an e-mail?

Things happened and I'd like to explain.

[ceile]

16. I can feel the happy dance from here!

I know exactly how you feel- but please go slow.
;)

[tango-tee]

19. That's exactly my take on the situation!

Enjoy, enjoy - but don't dive in head first.

[Crystal Clarity]

38. Good for you!

I hope it works out. Best of Luck! :-)