The Bad Place

[Tobin S.]

It's mental health day in the lounge! I figure this is a good companion to the thread about suicide. Anything that promotes understanding of this difficult subject is cool with me.

I spent ten years in the Bad Place and I wouldn't wish even a day of it on anyone. There's a thread here currently about suicide and that is an aspect of the Bad Place. If after entering the Bad Place on the first day someone told me I would spend the next ten years there I would have immediately killed myself. But the desire to live is strong and I lived each day hoping the next would be the end of the nightmare. Sometimes I couldn't hope anymore and I'd lose my job, or I'd drink to the point of unconsciousness, or I would just sit in a chair all day and cry, or I'd commit some petty crime, or maybe some combination of all that.

I was also hospitalized three times in that stretch for being suicidal. It was either the hospital or a bullet. I'd reached the end of the line. Unfortunately, the disease that I have can be very difficult to diagnose and I didn't get the right kind of help until the third hospitalization after a decade of terrible pain. I don't know how I made it through all that time. It took incredible strength. Let me tell you something: Mentally ill people aren't like that because they are weak. They are stronger than most of you will ever know.

I've been doing really good for about 7 years now. June 3, 2003 is the day that they finally got it right at the hospital. I was the only crazy motherfucker on the psych ward with a smile on his face like I was at some kind of party. I felt like I had been liberated. I felt enlightened. The nightmare was over. I could see reality again- the real one, that is.

But every once in a while I still visit the Bad Place. Sometimes I get insomnia for a couple of days and not even prescription sleeping pills will touch it. And to the Bad Place I return, but only for a day or two and it's not as intense as it used to be. I just went there earlier this week. But it was different this time and it turned out to be a very productive journey. There was intense sorrow, loneliness, and depression, but the paranoia wasn't present. I know why that place exists in me now. It took 17 years to figure it out, but I don't feel too bad about that. I've been to 3 psychotherapists. They couldn't figure it out and they have Ph.Ds. I'm just a workin' dude. :)

[marzipanni]

1. That must have been the most tremendous relief !

By finally getting it right, do you mean they got the right medication for you?

After hearing about a conference in nearby San Francisco, I have been trying to find out more about how mental health is affected by vitamin and mineral deficiencies. Some of the information on the internet is about the two men who developed a micronutrient supplement, and it seems like part of their sales pitch, other information is more objective.
Here is one of the more objective articles-http://www.ect.org/selfhelp/bipolcomm.html

Many children (and adults) seem to have a diet which is not varied at all, and many foods are grown in nutrient depleted soil, so I wouldn't be surprised if most people have vitamin and mineral deficiencies, and may have physical and mental health problems as a result.

[Tobin S.]

2. Yes, they got the right meds to me

I don't buy the idea that mental illness is caused by vitamin deficency. It certainly won't help. But I've been on kind of a health kick for the last 1.5 years and I eat right and take all kinds of vitamins and minerals and fish oil. I still have a problem occasionaly no matter how many vitamins I take. But I'm speaking from personal experience here, and not from a scientific point of view.

But if mental illness could be successfuly treated through vitamin therapy I'd be there. It would be a hell of a lot cheaper.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My dear Tobin!

What a journey you've been on!

I'm sure that if you'd been given the choice, you would have said "no thanks." But you weren't given that choice, and you have struggled successfully!

You are such a strong person, and I really respect you.

Just a workin' dude, hah! You're one of the smartest people I'm privileged enough to know.

Keep on keepin' on!

:hug:

[Tobin S.]

4. Thanks Peggy

There's a guy in a blue Ford F-150 with Tennessee plates heading north on I-75 who would question your assessment of my intelligence, but I'd like to think that most people would agree with you. :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

5. Hah!

All I would say to him: He obviously doesn't know you very well!

:rofl:

[tango-tee]

6. My best friend

attempted suicide for the first time at age 19. It took years for her to get the proper diagnosis, find a good therapist and get the right combination of meds. She is 60 years old now, creative, funny, wonderful, but every once in a great while still visits the Bad Place. All of those close to her have learned to recognize the danger signs and are there for her.

Dear Tobin, I am so glad you're doing well. Many hugs and all the best to you!

[Tobin S.]

7. Thank you!

You are a good friend. :thumbsup:

[Forkboy]

8. I thought this was going to be about GD-P.

;)

[Tobin S.]

9. It could be I guess. :)

I know some people feel the same way about that place as I do mine. And they also have the same problem with being unable to leave when things get worse. :D

[sohndrsmith]

10. "Mentally ill people aren't like that because they are weak. They are

stronger than most of you will ever know."

This is one of the most important statements I have come across in... I don't know how long.

Thank you. : )

[Tobin S.]

11. You're welcome :)

I hope all is well with you tonight.