I REALLY want this e-mail spam to be true!

[Kali]

86-year Old Lady's Letter to Bank
>
>
> Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86
> year old woman.
>
> The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in
> theNew York Times.
>
>
>
>
>
> Dear Sir:
>
> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I
> endeavored to pay my plumber last month.
> By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his
> presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds
> needed to honor it..
>
> I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire
> pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only
> eight years.
>
> You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of
> opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty
> for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
>
> My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has
> caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.
> I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and
> letters, --- when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the
> impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your
> bank has become.
>
> From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-
> blood person.
>
> My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no
> longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
> addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank
> whom you must nominate.
>
> Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other
> person to open such an envelope.
>
> Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your
> chosen employee to complete.
>
> I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much
> about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
>
> Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
> countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/
> her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities)
> must be accompanied by documented proof.
>
> In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a
> PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
>
> I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I
> have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to
> access my account balance on your phone bank service.
>
> As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
>
> Let me level the playing field even further.
>
>
> When you call me, press buttons as follows:
>
> IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR ENGLISH
>
> #1. To make an appointment to see me
>
> #2. To query a missing payment.
>
> #3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
>
>
> #4 To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping
>
> #5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to
> nature.
>
> #6.. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home
>
> #7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
> computer is required.
>
> Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that
> Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
>
> #8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
>
>
> #9. To make a general complaint or inquiry.
>
> The contact will then be put on hold, pending the
> attention of my automated answering service.
>
> #10. This is a second reminder to press* for English.
>
> While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait,
> uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
>
> Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
> establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
>
> May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
>
>
> Your Humble Client
>
>
>
> And remember: Don 't make old People mad.
>
> We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much
> to piss us off.
>
>

[Ptah]

1. I'm crying at the depiction of an old battleax

Tears of laughter!


:thumbsup:

[gmoney]

2. Snopes sez nope

http://www.snopes.com/business/bank/takethat.asp

written by a columnist in Brisbane, Australia in 1999

[Ptah]

3. snopes has no sense of humor.