I have become the subject of small town gossip...

[mcctatas]

I thought I was just being hypersensitive to people looking at me, I thought I was imagining the pitying looks or the hostile glances, no such fecking luck. At my doctor's office today, the nurse told me that she was out to lunch and the people at the next table were talking about my ex-husband's suicide, saying that I had taken him for everything he had and that I was keeping the kids from him (neither one of those things are true, I had not gotten any child support in almost 1 1/2 years and I had settled for 50% of my half of the equity in our home), and because nothing is ever tragic enough, for good measure, they said that my 7 year old son was the one to find his body :wtf:

It sucks because I just have to let people say what they will, and unless I want to take out an ad in the paper, I can't even set the record straight about my son, WTF is wrong with people? I don't really care what they say about me, fuck them, I'm an adult, but my kids will hear this shit too :grr:

:rant:

[TZ]

1. Thats awful.

I'm sorry you are going through this. People are ignorant when it comes to mental illness, so its gotta be SOMEONE's fault. I hate that shit...:hug:

[dawg]

2. Oh, so you live in Hicksville, too?

I'm worried about the same kind of shit happening to my family. Granted, I'm not dealing with anything near your level of tragedy, but anytime there is a breakup, these small town goons will talk. And if they don't know the fuck what they are talking about, they'll just make shit up.

[MorningGlow]

3. The worst part about small towns

Your experience has been bad enough--you don't need the gossip on top of it all. :hug:

FWIW, we have gone through the same thing, although it's nowhere near as tragic as your experience. Our crazy neighbor's cat got a cut on its belly (likely running over a piece of broken glass or a nail in a board), and he accused my husband of hurting it. Something about grabbing it and pulling it into our garage where his power tools are (table saw etc.) and using one of the tools to gouge the cat--? Yeah like that'd happen. It made no sense. And yet after that people looked at us askance, and one little girl (a friend of the crazy guy's daughter), once so friendly to us and nice to MG Jr. (she was one of the girls who walked the kindergarteners being picked up by parents to the office at the end of every school day), stopped speaking to us. It was pretty awful to have her look at me all terrified, as if my husband and I ran around brandishing knives and wearing blood-spattered shirts.

Sometimes living in a small town really blows. x(

I guess all you can do is talk to reasonable people, like you did with the nurse, and hope that the truth gets out. Would that it were a perfect world where you didn't have to defend yourself, though.

[auntAgonist]

4. People can be and are so cruel at times. The best you

can do is protect your child(ren) in any way you can. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

:hug:

aA
kesha

[Brickbat]

5. I know what that's like, and I sympathize.

Small towns can provide the very best and very worst of American living. It hurts when your kids are involved.

Fuck 'em.

[jobycom]

6. Want we should teach them a lesson?

We know people who know people, if you know what I mean...

Seriously, you can't fix stupid, so fuck 'em. These are the same people who think Sadam bombed Pearl Harbor and Reagan signed the Declaration of Independence. We all love you.

And I know it's not that simple, but there's nothing else you can do, really. :hug:

[Arugula Latte]

7. I hate small towns. Can you get out of there?

[Dystopian]

8. I'm so very sorry...

mcctatas:hug:
You are telling your children the truth...and you say you don't care what the gossipers say about you. Good for you.
Let them revel in their gossip until something new comes along....as you live your life knowing the truth.

What I do find sad, though, is what the nurse told you. I think it was hurtful. Nurses are here for us to heal, not hurt. I don't think you needed to hear that, and it was unprofessional. Nurses are not supposed to spread gossip, especially when it affects the well-being of their patients.
I feel that she should have tried to comfort you and ease your pain.
I wish the nurse had held your hand...and lifted your spirits instead of validating what you already knew, but in more detail.
If your children happen to hear anything, I hope that they are able to speak out about the truth.....
My thoughts are also with your children....My children's father committed suicide. Although they were much older, it was a nightmare. No one ever understands, no matter the age....But they are so very young and fragile...and I have no words to express my sympathy for them.

I know you have strengh....
Be yourself...people will come to know who and what you are..

This just made me feel so sad...after all you've been through.
There is much healing ahead for you...

peace & love to you and your children~

[mcctatas]

10. I should have been more clear in my original rant...

our nurse is a family friend and she actually confronted them on their bullshit, told them our tragedy was none of their business, but if they must talk about it they should at least get their facts straight, I am glad she told me, makes me feel less crazy knowing that the looks aren't all in my head.


:hug:

[Demoiselle]

15. I'm glad to hear the nurse is your friend...

AND that she confronted them. I was about to post a grumble that she SHOULD have confronted them.
I'm so sorry you and your family must go through this now.
Hugs, prayers, vibes...all the best to you.

[Dystopian]

18. Good for you.....

It makes a world of difference that she's your friend...
I was initially thinking of my daughter, who is a nurse, and knew it would be unethical for her to repeat such things.
This puts everything in a new light.
Yes, my daughter would have done the same....confronted them in public....
In this case, your friend held on to her values....friendship and truth.
You're fortunate to have such a friend....
I'm glad that she stood for you and your children...
Thank you for explaining....And I'm glad she helped to ease your mind...
When in the midst of such trauma, sometimes need validation that we're okay...

I'm wishing all the best for you and your children...
There is so much in life that we survive :hug:



peace~

[Walk away]

9. I was the victim of lying gossip that wreaked havoc with my life for a year.

It was a deliberate attack that was calculated to ruin my business and my reputation with the entire community.

At first I was in complete shock but I realized that I had to do something other than hide so I decided to take the high road. I wrote a letter to all of my clients and explained what was happening. I didn't accuse anyone. I just let them know what was being said, assured them that it was not true and gave them the opportunity to sever our business ties with no ill feelings.

I called my entire list of friends and basically did the same thing. Then I kept my head up. Sometimes it was a front and I felt like dying. I just told myself that I owned the truth and the truth would out.

The end result was better than I could ever hope for. My clients rallied around me and my business increased and my friends figured out who was running the rumors and it shone a bad light on some mean and nasty people.

I can imagine how horrible you must feel and to have your children suffer this as well is just a nightmare. I hope you can all discover how great it feels to raise above this situation and keep your chin in the air and hold the truth close.

[MiddleFingerMom]

11. Number ONE!!!!! Talk to your kids about this specifically.

.
Prepare them against what they may hear -- let them know pro-actively
from YOUR perspective what the truth is.
.
Give them some coping strategies -- they may be tormented by one or
more of their peers who may hear this gossip. Get some help with this
(if needed) before it happens
.
I disagree about it being wrong for the nurse to have told you. Often
in medicine, one must hurt in order to heal (the surgeon's scalpel is
the best example of this). I think she did you a great service in making
you aware of what was going on behind your back and giving you the
opportunity to protect your children as best you can. There have been
times in my life that I wish there had been someone so thoughtful.
.
SUCKS bigtime that people actually enjoy this kind of schadenfreude,
but unfortunately I think it's universal -- it just manifests itself more
obviously in a smalltown setting.
.
Peace and strength to you.
.

[undeterred]

12. I am so sorry.

People can be like a bunch of vultures. You and your children know what the truth is and the people who are your true friends will stick with you. :hug:

[seabeyond]

13. we are a callous, cold people. we glorify it. we celebrate it.

being nice, being decent is an insult today.

i am sorry for you and yours pain

fuck them

i wish i lived in your small town. i would raise the sword, lol, to do battle for you. i wish you had someone that would speak out for you. shame the others.

[yankeepants]

14. I don't mean diminish your situation but. . .

I live in a very small town and those of us who understand the dynamics and are enlightened keep a sense of realism and humor about it by the saying about the two bar/restaraunts at the ends of town:

"If someone farts at Eddies Cove, by the time the news gets to Brewsters they've shit themselves"

We take everything with a grain of salt and then some. I will bet most people will wait to hear truth.

I love living in a small town.

All the best. Hold your head up.

Yankeepants

[applegrove]

16. So sorry.

[UTUSN]

17. NO you DON'T have to let people say what they will. This is OUTRAGEOUS.

And I gather that this nurse knows your truth. thank her.


NOW, newspaper ad or WHATEVER, you DO it!1 Slap some faces. Tell me where to do it and *I'LL* GO DO IT.