Are you able to forgive and forget?

[Minimus]

I think forgiving is the easy part... but being able to forget is the important part.

[azmouse]

1. It's something I need to work on.

I hold grudges for a long time.

[taterguy]

2. Depends on the offense

But the forgetting part is a challenge.

Except for slights on DU.

I don't even remember what I post, much less what insults get thrown at me.

[Lydia Leftcoast]

3. You don't really forget, but the benchmark for forgiveness, in my opinion, is

being able to recall the incident without getting emotionally upset or dwelling on it.

In the end, hating someone forever, especially someone who is dead or out of contact, is useless. It warps you and doesn't hurt the other person at all.

[HopeHoops]

4. I forgive everyone. Well, unless he/she is a fucking asshole.

I have my limits.

[Minimus]

5. Yes... forgiving assholes can be quite challenging! LOL!

[Crabby Appleton]

6. Lotta assholes around

I've noticed.

Lots and lots.

[HopeHoops]

15. Yeah, that gives me a lot of lattitude.

:evilgrin:

[seabeyond]

7. forgiving? i dont ever get to a place where i need to forgive. people do things for reasons

good or bad, hurtful or not, intentional or otherwise, doesnt matter to me, so there isnt even a place of forgiveness.

why should i forget. some things are so insignificant i forget. many things actually. some things relevant enough, i wont ever forget, nor would i want to.

[elocs]

8. You can forgive without forgetting.

Being able to truly forgive does not mean you have to forget the reason for forgiving. Withholding forgiveness, like hate, only hurts you. It may be hard to do, but it is a worthy goal.

[Minimus]

10. Have you ever had someone say they forgive you

only to then throw the offense back in your face? I don't think that is truly forgiving if you continue to use the offense against the offender.

I agree, true forgiveness is a worthy goal.

[elocs]

13. You can forgive somebody for doing something stupid to you,

but it would be stupid to forget how it happened. There is no need to continually allow somebody to continually lead you into a ditch.

There is a fine line. To throw forgiveness back into someone's face likely means there was no real forgiveness to begin with, more likely a suspension of anger.

[seabeyond]

14. if you're throwing in face, not forgiven, obviously. sure sign you didnt do a good job forgiving

to not forget, or to remember isnt not a given it will be thrown in face. the two arent related

[blogslut]

9. I've never agreed with the "forget" part of that phrase

True forgiveness is about letting go of the pain and resentment that comes with being wronged. If you truly forgive, remembering the slight doesn't hurt - it just makes you wiser.

[Minimus]

11. "Letting go of the pain and resentment"... is exactly right!

[onestepforward]

12. Forgiving someone benefits you.

By forgiving, you stop carrying around their "case file" in your mental briefcase and leave it behind. This includes forgiving yourself. I have to work hard on it myself, but forgiving is very healing and allows you to move on without the negativity.

It is almost impossible to forget, but we can see if we can learn something from it, take the lesson and leave the rest behind. :)

[blueamy66]

16. Yes.

I did it a few years ago with family and it was the best thing I've ever done.

It's nice to have nieces and nephews and their Mom back again in my life.

on edit: I will never forgive or forget this bi**h at work though. :-)

[unpossibles]

17. Almost always forgive

seldom forget, but part of forgiving is to not throw the past in someone's face either. To me, not forgetting means perhaps not giving them the same opportunity to do _______ again to me, depending on the offense. In other words, I don't think not forgetting is necessarily a bad thing - we all make mistakes and being able to forgive most of them is a good thing, but forgetting means you might keep getting taken advantage of someone unscrupulous enough to not care that their "mistake" wasn't a mistake but a way to be an asshole.

[Danger Mouse]

18. I can almost alwasys forgive, but I rarely forget.

:shrug:

[femmocrat]

19. No. I never forgive. I do forget a lot though.

What was the question again?

[LibDemAlways]

20. Forgive, mostly yes. Forget, not so much.

[HipChick]

21. No...n/t

[elleng]

22. No

[ismnotwasm]

23. No

But I know how to let go of shit, not let it bother me and not let it happen again.

[Bucky]

24. A lot of you don't realize it, but this is really another L O S T thread

I forgive Damon. Carlton, not so much.

[Rabrrrrrr]

25. Yes. Though forgetting doesn't mean to put oneself available for abuse again.

But yes.

It's just healthier to forgive and forget. Let it go. Don't let the other person maintain power over you.

[raccoon]

26. Forgiving someone doesn't mean you have to let that person back in your life.

It was very enlightening for me to find that out.

You may choose to let that person back in your life. Or you may not.

But forgiveness is something I have a hard time with, especially when the person was just being abusive asshole.

Edited to add sentence just above.

[Deep13]

27. Sometimes and no.

And that's pretty much where I want to be. I don't believe in unconditional forgiveness.

[dawg]

28. It makes no sense to forget.

If you have hurt someone, I think you are wrong to even expect them to forget. They will not.

Forgiveness is good. It is what we are all called to do, I think. If I forgive you, that means I bear you no ill-will for what you did. If given a chance at revenge, I would not take it.

If I haven't "forgiven" you, then watch out. You had better steer a path as far away from me as you can.

On the other hand, I will not forget. If you have proven untrustworthy, why would I want to disregard that information? Am I a masochist or something? Do I just crave being hurt again?

I do believe that people can change, and can learn from mistakes and not repeat them. I can see how it might be possible to trust someone again after having been burned. But that has to be earned, and any such trust would have to be weighed against the memory of what came before.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. Forgetting in this case is not an amnesia moment, but true forgiving involves forgetting

otherwise, you are just holding a grudge. in my opinion, forgetting in this case, means understanding why someone may have done something that bothered you and forgiving and moving on.

otherwise, you may still be exchanging social niceties but you have not really forgiven them

anyhow, i tend not to forget or forgive easily, since it takes a while to really offend me.

[dawg]

30. I disagree.

I'm not going to forget about something that happened unless I get alzheimers or amnesia. Just because I remember doesn't mean I'm holding a grudge, but it does mean that I will use that infomation to make further decisions about how much I trust you.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

31. yes, which is pretty much what i said.

[dawg]

33. LOL - In that case we pretty much agree!

:P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

40. ...

:P

[cwydro]

32. Lol Pri...

Must be a Leo thing; I'm the same way. It does take quite a while to get there...

[Minimus]

35. A Leo thing?

:eyes:

Using a Zodiac sign as a reason for behavior has always seemed strange to me.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

37. using excessive eye rollies when we are just talking about light things like zodiac sign

has always seemed really passive aggressive to me

[Minimus]

38. Excessive eye rollies? LOL!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

39. in this case, a single eyeroll was sort of excessive and very passive aggressive

and really what business is it of yours, what cwydro and i choose to say our commonality is. if it makes us happy to say we are similar because we are leos, why is it bothering you?

[Minimus]

41. Doesn't bother me one bit.

I simply expressed my opinion about Zodiac signs and using them as justification for behavior. An opinion that cwydro is quite familiar with.

I just happen to find the mention of Zodiac signs quite eye-roll worthy and I have probably rolled my eyes at cwydro about it in real life as well.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

43. justification imples there is something wrong about taking a long time to get upset

which there isnt. some people dont deserve any forgiving or forgetting. especially mean spirited, petty and cruel people.

[Rambis]

34. Wrong me

we are done! Just the way it is-

:thumbsdown:

[Iggo]

36. The older I get, the easier it gets.

I'm still not 100%, though.

There's a couple grudges I'm holding onto forever.

[Tikki]

42. Yes...what can you say about me I don't already know...BUT, you..

say ANYTHING about my family and I don't like what you say. No Forget No Forgive.


Tikki

[geardaddy]

44. I can forget, but not forgive.