Born to be alone

[Tobin S.]

I think I must be the loneliest guy in Ohio. I've been single the past 17 years and I've been trying really hard to change that for the past 2 years. It's just not happening for me, though. The only thing I haven't tried is bars. I have a CDL to protect, which is my livelihood, so you won't find me drinking and driving.

I have 2 friends. One who is bed-ridden right now and another who lives 20 miles away. I rarely see either of them. I have family in the area, but I'd rather not hang around them for psychological reasons :crazy:

[elleng]

1. Sorry you feel this way, Tobin.

:hug:

[RandomThoughts]

2. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy where you can meet people?

If it is something you like to do, it makes it easier to have things like conversations, since there is mutual interest in groups that like to do the same things.

Almost any interest a person has they can find some group somewhere that fits in.

Reading groups, sports, and many thinking type activities.

There are also conventions where you can find groups of people, things like scifi conventions, or tech conventions, and sporting like groups also.

I agree bars are not the best place to meet people, at least not by most standards, although for things like darts or pool and for conversation and music they can be fun. But there are many places you can meet people.

If you think you don't have hobbies start one, find some group that does something and doesn't mind people learning. Thats sort of how I think on things.

I need to work on some of those things also. Need to get out more.

Good thoughts on your endeavors :hug:

[Tobin S.]

3. I've tried this a couple of times

I posted an ad looking to meet new people recently, but I have yet to get a response. I also like to write and I tried starting a writing group. One person showed up for the first meet up, then no one after that.

It is a good idea, though, and there are a couple of other interests I have that I have not tried meeting people to talk about. Maybe I'll give that a go again.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. My dear Tobin...

I really don't think you were born to be alone, no matter how it looks now...

I've heard it said that just when you give up, and stop looking, then wham! And someone just as lonely comes along, and there you are...

I'd stay the hell out of bars!

I don't have any real suggestions, unfortunately. I wish I did. Good people like you should never be alone.

Hang in there, sweetie...

I'm sure that out there is a lonely girl waiting and looking too...


:hug:

[hippywife]

10. Thank you, Peg!

I've been trying to get this across to people for so long. People who are actively looking for someone else to complete their life are obvious to other people. They give off needy vibes whether they think they are or not.

The key is to become perfectly content with one's life and like who they are first. Once that truly happens, they become more attractive to others.

:hi:

[Tobin S.]

11. I'm alright with myself

And I'm not looking for complete-ness, just companionship. As far as "giving up looking makes you attract someone" goes, I'm not so sure about that. Seems a little on the magical thinking side.

[hippywife]

12. Not really.

I've been there, done that. Once I stopped "looking" and decided I was just fine with my life as it was, then all of a sudden comes my now husband.

In hindsight, I can see how I was when I was "looking" and I wouldn't have wanted to be around me, either.

I don't really get the impression that you're "alright" with your life from some of the things you've posted wanting advice about moving, etc. You seem to be kinda itchy to change your life and surroundings sometimes.

Not being critical, just hoping you can mellow out and just get active mingling with people of common interest and enjoy yourself without thinking it has to be a path to finding someone. :hug:

[Tobin S.]

15. I wasn't looking for 15 years. Guess what?

No relationships.

[jotsy]

5. I'm sorry you feel on the outs.

Are you a reader? Ages ago, a friend hounded me until I read a book back in the early 80's: Richard Bach's Illusions. A couple of years later he wrote a follow up called the Bridge Across Forever in which many of the principles from the first book were applied to the romantic...process for lack of a more telling term.

I've also read your post here tonight about retaking to the road. What seems clear to me is that you're looking to mix it up some. I hope you get as many of answers full of what you need as what you want, the two are not always the same.

[Tobin S.]

6. You know, I really don't feel too bad about this

One good thing about being alone is that you are free to shake things up like this. You probably wouldn't want to do that when you have people depending on you.

All I really need is some cash and my meds. And computers....couldn't do without them. And my cell phone, gotta have that. I also find my Honda Civic quite useful. Oh! And books...... :D

[jotsy]

7. The advice I love to give is this:

Relish the freedom. I've spent exactly 11 months single as a grown up. Split from my ex who I met at age 18 in early '87 and met the man I share two daughters with the following January. There are times I feel it hard to breathe surrounded by all this domestic bliss...without it, I'm not sure I'd know how at all.

[RFKHumphreyObama]

8. I know how you feel

I'm in a very similar predicament -won't bore you with the details -but yeah I know:hug: :hug:

[nuxvomica]

9. Regarding writing groups...

Have you checked out the Writer's Digest forums?
http://community.writersdigest.com/
You might have more success putting together a IRL group by finding local writers there.

[HillGal]

13. How about volunteering somewhere in your free time, especially in a Soup Kitchen, you'll meet

volunteers who are caring, and you'll meet homeless people that might give you some perspective into their lives.

[Tobin S.]

16. I've thought about something like that

but I already work 55 hours a week and treasure the free time that I do have.

[HillGal]

20. That's understandable then. NT

NT

[HipChick]

14. Have you tried meetup groups in your area?

meetup.com - find one that shares your interests...

[Tobin S.]

17. Yeah

I'm on a couple of meet-up groups' mailing lists. The only problem with that has been that they meet when I sleep. I work nights.

[Inchworm]

18. Solitude gets to me sometimes as well

I usually embrace it. Occasionally, I give in and "go out," but after a day or two I long for quiet.

I think I was born to be a long haul trucker... a lot of alone time with sparatic spurts of human interaction.

Hang in there brother.

:hug:

[Flaxbee]

19. well, on June 8 there is a Huffington Post green meetup for people

who want to talk about the oil spill - check here for any close to you; they'll show how many people have signed up at certain locations:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/05/24/meetup-everywhere-work-to_n_585007.html

We have a beautiful old library where I live and you can volunteer maybe once a month, give tours, learn about the architecture, etc... just a way to be social without a lot of time demands.

I know how you feel. I tended to be very solitary and worked ALL THE DAMN TIME - but in a law firm, where I met people. Your work is essentially solitary ...

I forced myself out into more activities, and met my husband of 11 years when I was 28. I was OK being alone / not married, but I was lonely for friends. I was lucky enough to find both.

You still thinking of moving to Jacksonville? Might be a completely life-changing experience -- I should point out that my life changed a lot for the better when I moved from LA to NYC. I love LA, but moving really changed many of my habits, got me out of my comfort zone, and shook things up in my life.

[azmouse]

21. Don't look for love. Look for a friend.

When you find someone you have interests in common with, the love will follow.

[Capn Sunshine]

25. even further, Don't look.

I met my wife 6 mos after I had resigned myself to be single forever.

[UTUSN]

22. What are we, here---chopped liver?!1

We're good for a laugh, a cry, whatever. Just keep talking.

[auntAgonist]

23. I'm sorry you're lonely T. I wish Gryphon and I lived closer

We'll have to try to get together again soon.

:hug:


You DO have friends y'know.

aA
kesha

[Blue-Jay]

24. Dude, I'm going to be in your area sometime next month. We can be friends.