Facebook etiquette crisis! Or, the past catches up with me...!

[MorningGlow]

Okay, :wtf: do I do now? An old friend (who, in truth, used to bug me but she was Mostly Harmless, just annoying) sent a friend request on FB. She must have looked me up specifically, because I don't have any friends on FB from that era of my life who we would have as "mutual friends".

I almost accepted her friend request, but first I looked at her list of friends. One of my ex boyfriends is on her list. Then I looked at HIS list of friends, and another ex boyfriend and another former friend are on HIS list. (Yeah, two exes that were friends. That era of my life was horribly incestuous--a group of friends that all worked retail together--it was like living a coming-of-age movie from the '80s or '90s. Fun and dramatic at the time, but not something you want to revisit 15 years later.)

Needless to say I'm seeing a vast downward spiral/vortex of "blast-from-the-pastness" opening up at my feet if I friend this chick, and I do NOT want to fall into that hellish option of reconnecting with all these people.

So what's the etiquette? If I don't friend the first chick, it'll look like I'm rejecting HER. But I'm not--I'm just avoiding the other people that spiral out from her. Or should I just get over myself, friend her, and refuse to care what my exes might think of me if they spot my comments on her posts?

Or should I just firebomb Facebook's headquarters and put us all out of our misery for inventing this social networking hell? :shrug:

[lost-in-nj]

1. you can friend her

and block the people you don't want to see or be seen by...
or you can make your profile only available to your friends so if you don't make these other people your friend they can not see your profile BUT can see what you write on your friends wall....
the best thing to do is super block them

lost

[Orsino]

14. +1 n/t

[JVS]

2. Reply with a personal message explaining that you can't friend her because you don't want...

to reconnect with all your exes. Suggest that you two can get back in touch over the phone, which is a medium that doesn't force you to reconnect with a large group. Then give her a call on the phone.

[MissMillie]

3. completely OT but

my sister has the moniker Mostly Harmless on one of the blogs she visits. When you capitalized it like that, I got a chuckle.

[myrna minx]

4. Offer the the gal your email address, and explain that

you are not wanting to reopen some old chapters in your life. I'm sure she'll understand - we all have folks from our past that we don't want to revisit. I'd change your profile so that your picture and other identifying info can't be seen by anyone outside of your friend's list, and that should cut down on the unwanted friends requests. Good luck.

[HopeHoops]

5. Just ignore the request entirely.

[jobycom]

6. I dunno, you can write about thirty more pages of all the possible consequences of each choice

analyzing each one to some point well beyond it's logical extreme, and then develop a schematic formula with mathematical computations of each of the odds of each possible outcome, then graph each outcome on a weighted scale to predict the likelihood of each happening, then perhaps create a recursive formula quantifying the uncomfortableness of each outcome in comparison to the level of happiness each positive outcome could produce, and that will give you an equation something like FRIENDING <>= NOT FRIENDING, and that should give you your choice.

Or you could say "Hey, I remember her!" and click ACCEPT, and worry about each other possibility as the occur. I mean, if an ex sends a request you don't want, just click IGNORE and get back to posting about the chocolate chip muffin recipe you just found. Most people have hundreds of friends on FB and only interact with a handful, anyway.

[mcollins]

7. Unless you are trying to hide from your past,

there shouldn't be much problem.

An old girlfriend of mine from 30 years ago recently FB me and we've had a great time catching up without worrying about the whole sexual tension from 3 decades ago popping up. We are more friends now then we were then.

[Missy Vixen]

8. IMHO, but ignore her

FB is turning out to be much more of a problem than I ever anticipated, and I know I'm not alone. I read an article a couple of weeks ago of the "ten most surprising and unwanted side effects of Facebook" or something similar, and this is one of them -- being contacted by people you're not sure you want to be contacted by again.

I'm currently dealing with another on the list -- when another "friend" posts something you weren't invited to or selected to participate in, and you find out about it. Actually, I'd classify this woman as more of a frenemy...

I'm being deliberately vague due to the fact I do not want this to pop up in a search engine.

We were at an event last Saturday. A subset of those present were invited to tour a facility everyone there wanted to see. One of the parties that got the extensive tour posted photos of it on FB less than two hours after the event was over. I called her on it. After all, I really detest people that rub others' noses in their good fortune. I unfriended her as a result. Truthfully, this was the latest of what I consider behavior I don't want to associate with, online or anywhere else.

I got back a multi-page private message; she must have been up all night composing it. I had to laugh at her accusations of "drama". She couldn't wait to brag about what she got that others there didn't, she got called on it, and she figured she'd really Made a Statement.

Whatever.

[dembotoz]

9. my son was just hired- during backround check they wanted his password

just a mention

the job is in law enforcement--but still...

[kayakjohnny]

10. I like the last option.

But I'm fairly sure there'd be an ordinance against it for some reason.

[catzies]

11. Same thing happened to me almost exactly. First, old friend friended me, then the ex

who was a friend of hers. She introduce us. When he & I broke up they dropped me too. Which I was fine with for almost 15 years. At first I was terribly nervous about it all, because I thought we all parted on very bad terms.But both have been friendly, so I've been friendly back. The ex IM'd me once or twice and that made me nervous. But he hasn't done it in a month.

I don't know what the etiquette is, but if you feel like a bigger person, then act like one. ;)
Go with your gut.

So remember: Fear itself, yadda yadda.

[hippywife]

12. I strongly suggest

you take your final option.

If she bugged your to begin with, why open yourself to that and all the other people she'd drag in with her.

Unless, of course, you are a social masochist who needs tons more drama in her life, in which case, I say...go for it!

:hi:

[MorningGlow]

13. Overthinking R me...or something

I decided I overthink things too much, so all of a sudden I slammed the "confirm" button on the chick's friend request. Let the chips fall where they may. :evilgrin:

But thanks for all the advice everyone. I REALLY do appreciate it. I will definitely double-check my privacy settings, especially. :hi: