I have issues with my family

[Tobin S.]

But I'm sorting through it, and I think things are getting better.

I'm a long haul trucker now and I'm going to be gone for long periods of time. I think that distance has helped me put things in perspective and work through some difficult memories. One thing that has dogged me my entire life is my inability to speak up for myself or defend people that I care about. I think things are changing.

We all went out for one of my brother-in-laws' birthday party while I've been here in town. It was my mother and step-father, sister and brother-in-law and their child, and another one of my sisters.

My brother-in-law lost his job when things went shitty with the economy. A lot of people around here did. GM had an assembly plant here that shut down, and not only did the workers at that factory lose their jobs, but also those who were employed by all of the smaller satellite companies that supplied the parts for the assembly line. My brother-in-law, I'll call him James, worked at one of those companies.

James has been trying to get a job ever since then. As a part of his severance package he got training at a trade school for HVAC. He said that when he got to class it looked like everyone else had the same idea. He completed the training, but due to the tight job market has been unable to find a job. All of the HVAC companies want people with a lot of experience and they can afford to be picky in that regard due to the sheer amount of applications and few positions available. Fortunately, his wife, my sister, was able to pick up some hours where she works, and the unemployment benefits extensions have helped them a great deal.

I know James is trying hard and I have a lot of respect for him and my sister. He's a cool guy, too, and treats my sister right and is raising a little girl who is happy and healthy.

So, back to the dinner. It's James' birthday party; a time for celebration. During a lull in the conversation my mother told James that she heard of some big company around here that may be hiring soon. My other sister, not James' wife, said something to the effect of, "Why don't you just get a job in what you went to school for? I see companies hiring for that all the time and you're still drawing unemployment." The insinuation being that James was a lazy ass who didn't want to work.

James explained to her, patiently, why he couldn't get a job doing that. Then I chimed in, "The job market is really tight right now. A lot of people are having a hard time and Dayton was hit especially hard with job losses. Even in times of recession it's usually pretty easy for a trucker to get a job, but the way things are right now even some of them are having a tough time."

I also don't think that James appreciated such matters coming up in front of his daughter.

It might not seem like much to you guys, but it was a big step for me. I hope James is able to get things sorted out pretty soon. I know he's under a lot of pressure. I went over to his house to watch a game yesterday. When we parted he gave me a firm hand shake and said thanks.

[newcriminal]

1. Good for you!!

And by the way, I love reading your post about trucking.

[Tobin S.]

3. Thank you

The trucking posts just come naturally. Stick around, I think that there will be a lot more of them. :)

[Skittles]

2. your other sister needs her ass kicked

[Tobin S.]

4. I agree.

I know you have a tight schedule, but do you think you could make a special trip up here to Dayton? :)

[Skittles]

8. I'll be in Milwaukee the end of this month

doing a northern sweep-by the couple of weeks I am there; yes INDEED

[liberalhistorian]

25. No kidding! She sounds like my stepsister, who has NEVER

had to actually look for a job her entire adult life because she's lucky enough to have a parent with a family company that she just went right to work for right after college graduation more than twenty years ago. She's never even had to fill out a job application or go for an interview. Yet, that doesn't stop her from proclaiming what a "self-made" person she is, and how anyone can find a job if they really want one, job searches aren't that big a deal if you really do it right and no one should be on unemployment, etc., etc. And this while living in a VERY depressed area of Ohio (hell, is there an area of Ohio that ISN'T economically depressed????). Truly sickening, makes me wanna smack her sometimes. What the FUCK would she know about it???

Thank you, Tobin, for speaking up and supporting your BIL. I've been in his position before and know what he's dealing with; the emotional consequences and psychological aspects are almost as bad as the economic difficulties and panic.

[mix]

5. A very noble and kind gesture, things can't be easy for James right now.

My problem is the opposite, I can't shut my mouth.

[Tobin S.]

6. Thank you

I can see how your problem could be good, though, but also bad sometimes. One thing is for certain, there is probably no mystery about where you stand on matters. :)

[Kali]

22. oh yes

distance and e-mail have helped immensely!

[mix]

26. Unfortunately my mouth goes everywhere I go, so that won't work.

:hi:

[Kali]

28. how are you doing up there, rain wise?

it looks like freaking Ireland or something around here. Cattle are belly deep in soft greenness. So beautiful!

[mix]

29. Good for you...it's been wet enough to keep things green here.

Lots of grass in the mountains. I went riding alone for a few hours up there today. My horse had an accident though. He cut his bulb, around the coronet band on his right hind foot. It's really rocky in the forests and mountains here. I'll have to keep an eye on it for awhile and call the vet tomorrow. He wasn't lame, but it upset me all the same. A wise old cowgirl told me not worry about it, but I worry. The horse is weird about his feet anyways, he'll only let me pick his feet and even then I have to be very careful, so doctoring him is not going to be easy.

Glad to hear you got some feed on the ground.

[kimi]

7. You're a good brother-in-law

good uncle too :)

[Tobin S.]

9. Thanks

That means a lot. :)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. My dear Tobin...

I think you did exactly the right thing. Your sister was way out of line, IMHO. You stood up for James, and I'm sure he's grateful...in fact, I know he is. His response to you yesterday says it all.

Good for you!

And yes, let's have more Stories from the Road! I love 'em!

:hug:

[Tobin S.]

11. Thanks, Peggy

There will be more Stories from the Road. Lots more if I can help it. :)

Did you see the one from yesterday? Stories from the Road: Trucking School. I don't know if you saw it. I don't remember seeing a post from you in there. Not that you have to post, it's just that you usually do. It should be on the second or third page of the lounge.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. I did see it!

I don't remember why I didn't post in it...I think I was trying to do my homework, or some such...

It was a good story, even though I'm not there...

[cordelia]

12. That was big of you

to speak up for James. I am sure he appreciated it; I would have.

You are a good and kind man, Tobin S.

If your truckin' stories were on the teevee, I might turn mine on to watch a reality show about your adventures.

Actually, though, I think I enjoy reading them more.

[Tobin S.]

14. Thanks, cordelia

If my trucking life were on TV it would be dull 70% of the time and kick-ass the other 30%, so I'll probably never win any awards on the tube :). I just report the stuff that happens that might be interesting to outsiders.

Inside my head, though, is a different story. Things about trucking that seem dull to outsiders seem interesting to me. And when you drive for a living the journey is about the mind as much as it is about the road.

[realisticphish]

15. Good for you

People who think that those of us without jobs are just lazy make me want to punch them in the face.

"Just get a job" isn't a goddamn option when you have a bachelors degree in psychology and experience in retail only...

If someone walked up to me and said, "here, shovel shit all day for 8 bucks an hour, full time" it would be like Christmas morning. I would take anything over the endless fear and panic about money (and I'm not even drawing unemployment)

[Tobin S.]

17. I hear you

It's easy for someone to say such things when they have a good job, and couple that with a lack of empathy and you have the recipe for saying some hurtful things. I hope things start looking up for you soon.

[realisticphish]

20. hopefully

I applied for an AmeriCorps job which actually works with the organization I am currently working an (unpaid) internship for; I should be hearing for sure in the next few days. I can't believe I'm so excited by the possibility of 10k for a year of work.

[elleng]

21. Its all a matter of perspective, really.

I worked as a VISTA Volunteer attorney years ago, so after that monthly stipend, ANYTHING looked good, and WAS good; decided I'd rent an apartment once I had saved $1000, which took quite a while.

[realisticphish]

24. the funny thing is

I spent two years living on minimum wage, pulling in 10k a year working 40 hours a week, plus holidays. I had no benefits or PTO, or sick time. And then some dickwad on Fox News whines about how poor people just aren't working hard enough.

I've been living on loans for a year, and the concept of income fills me with glee. If I get the job, and the posting (there are 5 sites in Ohio for this), I can stay here in Columbus, and find a roommate on craigslist. LOTS of grad students, or poor graduated grad students like me, who need someone to split rent with

[LiberalAndProud]

16. Your sister is suffering from too much Fox News and talk radio.

It's an epidemic.

Standing beside those who are denigrated and accused is the only right thing to do. Good on you, Tobin.

[Tobin S.]

18. Maybe that and a lack of empathy

Thanks for the compliment. :thumbsup:

[elleng]

19. Bravo, Toby!

[Tobin S.]

23. Thanks ellen

:hug:

[MiddleFingerMom]

27. EXCELLENT!!!!

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VERY good for you to be sticking up for your brother-in-law!!!!!
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Good in that it was the right thing to do and good in that it
was good FOR you -- but you already know that.
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:toast: :toast: :toast: :toast: :toast:
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...BUT...
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...and you just HAD to know there would be a big ol' BUTT in there...
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...BUT -- issues with your family?
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After your post about what lactose intolerance does to you...
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...I would HOPE that you'd be considerate enough to have TISSUES with your family.
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[Tobin S.]

30. Lol!

Good lord, if anyone deserves some stinkiness it's them. And it was my best defense growing up. Oh, yeah, step-dad...well take this...pfffbllllublllbubarrraannnt! YEEHAW! Crank up the tunes, man! Hello? Anyone there?

[emilyg]

31. Excellent first step. Keep

it up - it will get easier.

[Odin2005]

32. BRAVO!!!