I'm a terrible poet, but I've got one here that earned me praise

[Tobin S.]

from my poetry instructor in college when I went back to school briefly about 7 years ago. Here it is:

Trucker’s Sonnet

The black, hard interstate is our abode,
Viewing all the world through a clean windshield,
Don’t worry; we’ll take good care of your load,
Independents out here playing the field.

And if you should see me coming along,
Don’t be afraid, just give me a wide berth,
I’m probably up here singing a song,
About how I've got the best job on earth.

And even though it gets lonesome sometimes,
There’s always the CB to change the mood,
Please, dear friend, most have committed no crimes,
We’re for the most part just misunderstood.

Off to California I must go,
Then to Philadelphia next I know.



Why did that earn me praise? It's still a crappy poem but it fits the structure of a classic sonnet perfectly. My poetry instructor appreciated that aspect of it.

In the class we had to break up into groups of three sometimes and critique each others poems. One young woman asked me after reading the poem, "If trucking is so good, what are you doing here?" That was a damned good question and I didn't have a good answer for her at the time. The truth was that after 6 months back in school I was missing the road. Trucking really wasn't as good as the poem depicts it, but when it came down to where the gears mesh I knew I would not finish school. I dropped out later that quarter.

[MiddleFingerMom]

1. As a poem... ... ... ... ... ... ...meh... BUT...

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...with the right music, not too shabby at all as lyrics.
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And SHAME on your poetry professor if he or she didn't compliment you
on your rhyming of "mood" with "misunderstood".
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Seriously.
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Shrub: The cows on the ranch mood at me, but I misunderestoodmated 'em.
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[Tobin S.]

2. In Ohio "mood" and "misundertood" rhyme perfectly

But I wouldn't expect an Arizonian to understand that. Bunch of pretty-talkin' people out that way.

[MiddleFingerMom]

5. Yup. n/t

[Petrushka]

11. It's also an eye rhyme . . . perfectly acceptable.

;)

[Tuesday Afternoon]

3. I was just reading some stuff I wrote a few years back and let me just say

that you are braver than I.

I was told at the time that it was some good stuff but, to look at it now....

meh.

Anyway, Tobin -- the thing is, I like your Sonnet just fine and I think you learned something and isn't that what school is all about anyway...

:hi:

[Tobin S.]

4. Thank you

I was going through the trucking stories that I've written over the last few years today and the farther back I went the rougher the stories got. If I ever want to do anything with those stories as far as submitting them to be published goes, I'm going to have to do some heavy duty editing.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. My dear Tobin!

I like it just fine, and you did something I cannot do: write a sonnet. I loathed the form, and did it only under protest.

I will be thrilled if I never have to write another one.

Good on ya!

[Tobin S.]

7. Thanks Peggy

With free verse poetry you can say whatever you want to say any way you want to say it. I'd prefer to write that way, too, if I wrote poetry. Structure seems limiting to me unless you can write sonnets like Shakespeare.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

8. Exactly!

And you know how many poets like Shakespeare were produced by history!

[Petrushka]

10. As someone who is much more comfortable working within the confines of formal verse . . .

I enjoy the challenge(s) presented by rhyme and meter; and, therefore, I think you did quite well with the rhyme-scheme in your sonnet (above) and, if you ever decide to do a revision, I encourage you to work a little more on the metrics. Also: If you're ever interested in learning from poets whose formal poetry is being published in quality literary magazines, do some serious lurking and nosing around at the following website: http://www.ablemuse.com/erato While you're at it, please note that, in addition to the two metrical workshops at Erato, there is also a non-metrical forum for those intereseted in free verse.

Anyway . . . FWIW: It isn't necessary to "write sonnets like Shakespeare" in order to appreciate formal poetry; but it is necessary to realize that free verse is more than prose with arbitrary line breaks. True, "...you can say whatever you want to say any way you want to say it." and even choose to say it's "free verse". Readers, however (including editors) are free to disagree.

I've enjoyed reading your trucking adventures and would love to see them between the covers of a book.
:yourock:

P.S.
My late husband was a Teamster truck driver. I was always thankful that, after we married, he found work with a local commerical motor freight company with a delivery area within a 50-mile radius of our home . . . meaning, of course, that he was home every night. But . . . here's a little something I wrote (about 20 years ago) from the viewpoint of an over-the-road trucker's lady:

Yodel in Red

Put on the dress he bought me
and went out to ride the swing,
day-dreamin' until midnight
when the phone began to ring.

He called to say he's sorry,
said he pulled an overload
and his rig broke down . . . 'round noon?
He's still waitin' to be towed?

Yodel-ay-dee-ay, yodel-oh-dee-uh-oh . . .
Yodel, Lady!

[IMATB]

9. I'm no expert either

but I liked it.

If you like it that's all that counts.

[xchrom]

12. i gotta kick -- i enjoyed it. nt