Mrs. Venation's mom is very sick.

[Bertha Venation]

She's 79 years old. Mrs. V.'s dad has Alzheimer's, and Mom is his sole caretaker. For far, far too long this stubborn woman has refused all help. I've lost count of the number of times she's been in the hospital over the last several years with this problem or that - brought on by the stress of caring for a man whose condition deteriorates daily.

Mom started throwing up a week ago Thursday (the day Mrs. V. and I were married). For three days she could keep nothing down. On Monday she went to the doctor. Her granddaughter and a friend had to get her dressed; she couldn't do it. She made those two promise not to call Mrs. V. Probably because she knew what was coming as a result of this illness.... Finally, Mrs. V.'s aunt called on Monday afternoon.

Mom's doctor sent her immediately to the hospital. She had a severe UTI (I think that's where the infection was) that caused an intestinal blockage. She's also had a hard time breathing (she has emphysema and smokes) and so was getting breathing treatments, and they had her on oxygen.

The doc said yesterday he might let her go home today. Mrs. V. thought it was premature. Well, she didn't go home today; an x-ray has revealed fluid on her lungs.

What is coming as a result of this illness (and almost a week in the hospital - so far) is an ultimatum from Mrs. V.: "either we find placement for Dad, or you get full time help." I'm sure Mom will choose the latter.

Mrs. V. can't know when she's coming home to me, but that doesn't matter. She is where she needs to be. She is the only child willing to care for Mom & Dad. The burden is very heavy.

I haven't talked to her since this morning, so I don't know how Mom's doing. If you have a moment, send one up for Alice, will you, please?

[MrScorpio]

1. A special delivery of vibes are on the way

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Major, major vibes for Alice, and your wife too...

What a terrible situation...

I hope it can be worked out so that everyone gets their needs taken care of...

What a heavy burden indeed...

My heart goes out to all of you...

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Flaxbee]

3. Vibes on the way to Mrs. V's mom and to Mrs. V ...

being of the caretaker variety is a very difficult job .. as Alice knows all too well (and Mrs. V, too).

But perhaps, if Alice comes out of this relatively unscathed, it was a good thing if it results in Alice getting some full time help.

:hug: and :grouphug: for you and your family and extended family...

[Call Me Wesley]

4. Good vibes coming.

Hang in there. :hug: to you and yours.

[sarge43]

5. Good thoughts and vibes on the way.

I went through the same thing with my mother and father.

And don't let Alice carry the burden by herself. Placement or full time help, good help.

Strength and comfort, B-V. :hug:

[RainDog]

6. hugs

it's so tough to go through this with parents, I know.

best to you and yours.

[auntAgonist]

7. I'm so sorry to hear this K. I'll keep a good

thought for you and the Mrs. I'm not much for prayin' but I'll sure be sending good thoughts for your Mother in Law and Father in Law.

:hug:

Message if you need to chat, I'll be here for you.


:loveya:

aA
kesha

[redwitch]

8. Poor lady.

No one on earth is capable of caring for someone 24 hours a day, especially if the someone has dementia. I wish her all the best and I am so sorry this follows so closely on the heels of your happy wedding day. Vibes to all of you!

[cwydro]

9. Blue sky and sunshine vibes.

That is rough.

[lizziegrace]

10. I'm so sorry

I know my ex-MIL nearly killed herself taking care of her mother with Alzheimer's.

Mrs V and her mom are in my prayers.

:hug:

[texanwitch]

11. Good vibes and wishes for Mrs. V's mom.

Been there and done that.

:hug:

[SalmonChantedEvening]

12. Sending up a thousand Bertha

All my hopes, with all my heart.

:loveya: :hug: :loveya:

[GreenPartyVoter]

13. You got it. Once going up for your mother-in-law, and another for your wife. *hugs*

[tigereye]

14. prayers for her - so sorry to hear it

I don't know how people do this without help - my mom is diagnosed with Alzheimers (early-mid stages) and my dad has other health issues, fortunately there are 4 siblings and my SIL. That helps a lot.


I wish you all well. :hug:

[applegrove]

15. Vibes to Alice.

[lightningandsnow]

16. I'm definitely going to be keeping Alice in my thoughts and prayers.

:hugs:

[MrsBrady]

17. vibes to you and yours n/t

[murielm99]

18. I am so sorry.

My mother is going through this. She goes to a caretaker's support group. But my daughter just visited, and she thinks it is time for them to take the next step. My dad is getting worse. They need to go to assisted living together, or she needs at least part time help at home.

This is so hard. I wish I could lighten Mrs. V.'s burden. Maybe there is an in between step that can make things easier for all.

[hunter]

19. Sending prayers for Alice...

And virtual hugs for you and Mrs. V.

:hug:

[Tuesday Afternoon]

20. for Alice wherever you are sending peaceful vibes and healing energy

:grouphug:

[joeybee12]

21. Here's good vibes and thoughts for you and Mom V and the whole family

:grouphug:

[KamaAina]

22. This is in Tennessee, right?

Hoo boy. TN is the single worst state for favoring "placement" over in-home care. One bright spot is our sister organization in Memphis, which is nationally known for its work in keeping people -- often much younger people who have significant disabilities -- out of "placement".

[Bertha Venation]

26. Yes, TN. There's a mixed bag re placement here.

Good: He is eligible and on the waiting list for a new (3 years old) veterans' "home." Bad: he's no. 396 on the waiting list. Good: he can get placement as soon as there is a bed if he is admitted to the hospital. This is arranged sometimes; it was the "home" who told Mrs. V. about it.

So if it's placement Mom chooses, he can go there relatively soon.

[BuelahWitch]

23. Hugs, vibes and good thoughts for you and Mrs. V

:hug:

[mentalsolstice]

24. Hugs and good vibes! nt

[elehhhhna]

25. sorry to hear

i love the way you support your wife, and she hers. sad cuz y'alll should still be honeymooning.

[Bertha Venation]

27. THANK YOU TO ALL

Alice might be going home today. Now comes the fight over full-time in-home care. Go, Mrs. V.! She will win. She is almost as stubborn as her mother.

Thanks to all for your good thoughts, prayers, good vibes.

:grouphug:

[NewJeffCT]

28. I'm sorry to hear about her illness

I hope she gets better soon.